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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell my two year old about the 'bad man'

61 replies

sleepyhappymummy · 10/03/2011 15:29

I need some advice..... I have a two year old and twin 2 month old babies. My toddler is similar to most (I guess) in that he frequently runs off, and sees this as a game, very enjoyable as whoever is with him runs to catch him. Unfortunately with the babies (and while I was pregnant with them) its not really possible to do this as he really runs at full pelt off and can get quite far in a really short time.

I am really anxious about this, partly because Im worried he'll hurt himself, but partly because he could easily get out of sight and could be lost. Also, it means leaving the babies in the buggy behind while I chase after him, and someone could equally just walk off with them!

I have tried everything you can think of, praising him when he doesnt run off, explaining to him that mummy cant run after him, rewarding him for not running off, telling him off.

I mostly take him to places where it is enclosed and he cant run off, and today we went out to a soft play, where there is also a really big cafe on another level. He ran off a few times while we were having lunch, and so eventually I ended up saying to him that if he ran off, a 'bad man' might take him away. He seemed to take this in, and didnt run off again.

BUT Im worried this is not a good idea - I dont want him to be frightened, I want him to have a fear free childhood, and running around is part of that, but the reality is I also need to keep him (and the twins!) safe!

What do people think? Have I done the wrong thing, and any other ideas about how I can sort out this behaviour? Its exhausting for another thing, and could do without having to run after a energetic two year old after being up with two babies all night!

Thanks

OP posts:
belgo · 10/03/2011 15:31

You need to put reins on him.

Lizcat · 10/03/2011 15:34

I would agree with reins.

LIZS · 10/03/2011 15:35

Agree have him on reins (you can get backpacks with them built in) or a wrist strap. He's too young for reasoning with over safety, no need to scare him either.

RevoltingPeasant · 10/03/2011 15:35

Reins.

Don't put them on when you first go out, tell him IF he runs away without asking then they go on. Maybe he will learn that if he doesn't run away he gets to be 'free' but that if plays up he has to go on the reins.

Original poster
sleepyhappymummy · 10/03/2011 15:35

I do have reins, and we use them sometimes, most often if we are going for a walk, but its unmanageable to use them all of the time, for example while indoors or trying to have lunch. Id be constantly trying to keep hold of them, and have to feed him, myself and two babies.....

OP posts:
ExitPursuedByABear · 10/03/2011 15:36

Reins

belgo · 10/03/2011 15:37

Can you not strap him into the high chair? Or pushchair?

I have a two year old and never let him run around in restaurants or any public busy place.

ringoffire · 10/03/2011 15:37

Reins

Forgetting the bad man bit, I would be more concerned with him running into the road etc. Kids at that age are totally unpredictable

belgo · 10/03/2011 15:38

I'd be far more concerned about him crashing into a someone carrying hot drinks if he is running around in a cafe.

Original poster
sleepyhappymummy · 10/03/2011 15:40

Yes, totally agree ringoffire and belgo, there are so many risks and he is unpredictable, I just want him to stop doing it :-(

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 10/03/2011 15:40

If it's unmanageable to use them all the time you're going to have to choose between the lesser of two evils then.

Are the reins less hassle than him running off?

I'm not sure about the 'bad man', I suppose it could set a seed in his head that there's a bloke out there who would take him away, but I wouldn't have thought it after you only saying it once.

I'm sure there are techniques to keeping a child next to you if they're a runner, have you had a google of how to tackle it?

Or looked to see if there are any threads on here with advice?

PaisleyLeaf · 10/03/2011 15:40

I agree: reins and strapped into high/push chair.

Fernie3 · 10/03/2011 15:40

Yes reins or when I had two in a double and an unpredictable 3 year old I would have her on a buggy board where I could keep her under control. 2 is ok for a little walk but on busy roads/ near dangerous things there is no option really but to hold hands or use reins.

You can get reins that attach to a back pack mine would use these but tantrum at the normal type reins.

AgentZigzag · 10/03/2011 15:42

google has a few pages on it.

So it looks like you're not alone Smile

Fernie3 · 10/03/2011 15:42

Btw congrats on your new babies, bet they look so cute together in the buggy! ( fights urge to get broody)

Melly19MummyToBe · 10/03/2011 15:43

Reins, but maybe with a really long strap, then (I know it sounds really mean) tie him to the buggy, that way you won't have to hold him and push the twins! You may get some funny looks and probably the odd comment off those really irritating people that think it's their place to tell you how to look after your child.

Silly suggestion or not?

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 10/03/2011 15:44

I don't have any good advice - find it hard enough to manage ONE two year old never mind look after twins. (Had to take him on tube in rush hour today - christ what an ordeal) I would say stay at home as much as possible...Grin and get DP to exercise him?

But please don't do the bad man stuff - I don't think it would be effective and it might frighten him as he gets older and make him too wary of people.

Original poster
sleepyhappymummy · 10/03/2011 15:45

Backpack is good idea, will try and get one of these as reins quite tricky tbh, used them yesterday just to get to the car (parked at the end of the street), and ended up almost having to drag him while carrying two car seats in one hand because he objected to the reins so much!!!

Dont think there is a buggy board which is compatable with our double buggies.

He is too big for a highchair now, and I cant manage two pushchairs, need to take the double for the babies, so he needs to be able to walk short distances, or just stay by me while we're out......

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepyhappymummy · 10/03/2011 15:48

The long strap is a good idea, for a while when preg I thought about getting one of those dog leads which extend, but decided against it because of what people might say!

Will check out the pages from google, thanks so much for looking that out, my brain is seriously struggling to keep up just now!

Twins are v cute, but believe me, having them is the last thing that would ever make me broody! Im definately done now :-)

I did feel so uncomfortable about the bad man thing, but just at the end of my resources about what to do.

OP posts:
harassedinherpants · 10/03/2011 15:49

Could you wear one of the babies in a sling and then have a spare pushchair seat available for times when you know it's going to be bad?

QuickLookBusy · 10/03/2011 15:50

I would use reins as much as poss.

I would also tell him he might get lost if he runs off.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 10/03/2011 15:50

No don't blame you about being at end of tether - I'm exactly the same. I'm really impressed that with 2 month old twins & a two year old you can get out!

Melly19MummyToBe · 10/03/2011 15:50

Or maybe attatch a bag of sweets to a piece of string then dangle it from a pole infront of him :o

Original poster
sleepyhappymummy · 10/03/2011 15:53

:-) to Melly!

Thanks for tips, any more gratefully recieved. Am just off to get babies who are waking up, one has quite bad reflux and so it is quite exhausting just now.

If I dont get out I might go a little crazy!

OP posts:
belgo · 10/03/2011 15:57

Most of us can't stand soft play at the best of times, but with newborn twins and a toddler, sounds like a nightmare.

Can someone else take him to soft play?