Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do I not like other people having pics of my children on their FB?

50 replies

CrapBag · 10/03/2011 15:11

I have some pictures of my children on my facebook page, as does DH. We only have actual friends and family on our lists, not every bloody person who has just glanced in our general direction like some people I know.

I don't know why it bothers me, but it just does, but I don't really like it when other people, including family, have pictures of my children on their facebook pages. No one has ever asked us if it is ok, they just do it. DH was fuming after we had DD 4 weeks ago as it was the day she was born, he hadn't even been home yet and my sister had already posted the picture I texted her from the hospital to her page, nearly all of our family had seen it. DH was really looking forward to going home and annoucing it complete with the first pictures. I did text her and she took it down as she didn't think (pretty typical of her and I know she didn't mean it).

Now my other sister (the one who doesn't actually give a damn about my children and referred to DD as 'it' over the weekend (as in "ugghh its crying, take it back" when DD murmured) has a picture of her and DD as her profile picture. DH's cousin had loads of DS on her profile before and her profile wasn't private, my brothers DP has put some on there too.

I really don't know why it bothers me, but it does. AIBU?

OP posts:
TobyLerone · 10/03/2011 15:17

Difficult to judge. No, YANBU for being bothered, as I can't see how anyone can say someone is BU for being bothered about something that is upsetting them.

But perhaps you are being a little tiny bit precious, especially if you don't know why it bothers you. Yes, your sister putting photos on her fb must have been annoying and I can see your point with that, but like you said, she didn't mean to upset you. And I do think you're being oversensitive wrt your other sister saying "ugh, it's crying. Take it back". I would find that amusing, but that's just me.

Surely on fb your children aren't referred to in the way that an adult might be (tagged in photos so that people can link them back to you etc). So the people viewing them are unlikely even to know they're your children.

StrawberriesAndScream · 10/03/2011 15:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CrapBag · 10/03/2011 15:19

TL I have been tagged in them even though I am not in them.

OP posts:
SenoritaViva · 10/03/2011 15:20

I think you need to feel pleased that people think she is so important to 'share' her.

I am always wary of what I put on FB but many other people aren't. I'm afraid that there will be much bigger things to worry about as a parent than this. If it really bothers you then you probably need to address it...

Congratulations on her arrival by the way (oh and your sister's reaction is perfectly normal, doesn't mean she won't love her even if she wants to 'return' her on a murmur, she's probably just frightened).

ringoffire · 10/03/2011 15:21

Kinda understand why you are a bit pissed off as it took the moment away from you.

In that scenario I would be a bit pissed off too, however no I am not bothered generally. My son has been on the front page of the local Addlestone rag, and both kids were photographed for a met police event.

I have also been asked by a photographer if they could take pictures of my kids. I have no problem with any of this.

TobyLerone · 10/03/2011 15:21

Ugh, I hate it when people do that. I have a friend who has tagged loads of photos of my kids at a festival we all went to, as me. It's really irritating because it means that loads of my 'photos of me' are actually not of me at all. I keep untagging a few every time I see them, so as not to offend her by doing them all at once!

Idk -- I don't mind photos of my kids on fb, but I can see why people do.

thunderbird69 · 10/03/2011 15:22

YANBU

I wouldn't post pictures of someone else's children without their/their parents approval.

Although they won't be tagged (unless they have FB accounts) they can still be named.

ddubsgirl · 10/03/2011 15:25

you need to do is report the pic to fb and that the person does not have your permission to use the pic and they will pull it they have to for children uder 10 i think it is

TobyLerone · 10/03/2011 15:27

I think ddubsgirl's solution is a little heavy-handed.

ZombiePlan · 10/03/2011 15:28

YANBU. I don't have any photos of me on FB, never mind pictures of DS. For me, it's a privacy issue - if I wanted people to see photos of me/DS then I would show them myself. I don't see why friends of friends (or even the world at large, in the case of those muppets who don't set privacy settings up for photos) should be able to browse through photos of me and mine.

ZombiePlan · 10/03/2011 15:29

Agree that it's probably best to just ask them nicely to take the pics down before you go reporting them to FB, but if they refuse to remove them then you can get them taken down by FB if you want to.

ddubsgirl · 10/03/2011 15:31

not heavy handed its fb rules,if you really dont want the pic up there then report it.

TobyLerone · 10/03/2011 15:33

Yes heavy handed when it's family and you can just ask them nicely to remove it.

ddubsgirl · 10/03/2011 15:36

if they remove then thats fine but what if they dont?just saying after reading so many threads of people having probs with family they may not all be so nice about it,once its on someone elses then you dont know who is seeing the pic or copying it.

Original poster
CrapBag · 10/03/2011 15:36

I can't see my sister (the one who referred to DD as it) taking it well. We have a fragile relationship as she is younger than me and I won't take the crap she gives to her mum (we are half sisters) and I pull her up on her bad language and awful manners. We already fell out before over something on FB, if I ask her to take it down, she will probably go off on one to my dad and once again I will look like the bad guy.

I know its ridiculous, its my DD, it should be up to me but families can be dicks sometimes over stupid things. Smile

DH did get his cousin to either change her settings or take them down of DS, not sure what she did. I know it will come back to "but you have them on your page" sort of thing.

OP posts:
MaybeTomorrow · 10/03/2011 15:38

DH and I made an agreement not to have any pics of our DD on FB, before she was even born. And in fairness, I have put all the privacy settings to max anyway because I'm just not very trusting of people, particularly friends of friends of friends (etc) who used to be able to see stuff about me. It's all hidden now.

We also asked all family and friends that may have pictures of DD to refrain from putting them on FB and so far they've done what we ask. So YADefinitelyNBU.

Tidey · 10/03/2011 15:40

I don't like it either, but will get called a paranoid loon if I ask people not to do it, and I'm a coward.

ringoffire · 10/03/2011 15:40

Just a question, why are people paraniod about photos of their children on facebook? I agree with naked pics etc of them in the bath but general ones I don't see the harm.

TobyLerone · 10/03/2011 15:41

ringoffire I was about to ask the same thing, but decided I don't have time to fend off the flaming Wink

ZombiePlan · 10/03/2011 15:44

Ring/Toby - just general privacy. I don't see why strangers should be able to see pics of me anytime, anywhere. I feel it's intrusive. As I don't like it myself, until DS is old enough to choose otherwise I make the same decision for him (would by hypocritical to guard my own privacy but not his IMO).

ddubsgirl · 10/03/2011 15:45

ringoffire my brother had all kinds of fb style pages and had pics of my kids,he was on lots of chatboards etc and someone he fell out with set up 100`s of fake profiles,including pics of MY kids that he had taken from my brothers pages,my sil & i had to check theses sites everyday and report them,oh my some of the stuff this person was posting was SICK and using pics of my kids,so much can be done with photoshop,you really dont want to know the things this person did!

it took me to rant at the police for them to do something in the end,this went on for 3 months before it stopped.

TobyLerone · 10/03/2011 15:49

But it's not allowing 'intrusion' to have a FB in the first place, ZombiePlan? Genuine question.

Ragwort · 10/03/2011 15:50

I don't like FB so I just don't use it - it seems that some of you want to 'pick and choose' bits of it - if I want someone to see a photo of me Grin or my child - I either send them one direct via email or show them an old fashioned print.

You don't HAVE to be on Facebook you know - it's not the Law Grin.

I know everyone says 'it's quicker' to send photos via email but I enjoyed sending my family and friends pictures of my newborn - with an announcement card - I guess I really am old fashioned Grin.

For all I know there could be photos of us flying around on other people's FB accounts but I hope not !

StrawberriesAndScream · 10/03/2011 16:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ringoffire · 10/03/2011 16:08

Fair enough ddubsgirl - I can accept that one.

Swipe left for the next trending thread