Why do I not like other people having pics of my children on their FB?

[CrapBag]

I have some pictures of my children on my facebook page, as does DH. We only have actual friends and family on our lists, not every bloody person who has just glanced in our general direction like some people I know.

I don't know why it bothers me, but it just does, but I don't really like it when other people, including family, have pictures of my children on their facebook pages. No one has ever asked us if it is ok, they just do it. DH was fuming after we had DD 4 weeks ago as it was the day she was born, he hadn't even been home yet and my sister had already posted the picture I texted her from the hospital to her page, nearly all of our family had seen it. DH was really looking forward to going home and annoucing it complete with the first pictures. I did text her and she took it down as she didn't think (pretty typical of her and I know she didn't mean it).

Now my other sister (the one who doesn't actually give a damn about my children and referred to DD as 'it' over the weekend (as in "ugghh its crying, take it back" when DD murmured) has a picture of her and DD as her profile picture. DH's cousin had loads of DS on her profile before and her profile wasn't private, my brothers DP has put some on there too.

I really don't know why it bothers me, but it does. AIBU?

YANBU - we don't put pics up on fb. And if people take pics at family gatherings I make a point of asking for them to be kept off fb.

YANBU

On Fb you can have your security settings really tight so only certain people can see info/pics that you choose to put on there but not everyone has tight security settings.

I have very little personal information on my fb, I have my dob but not the year, I don't even have my real name on there.

I dont' have any personal information either. I have my picture and name and some other pictures but as I said, I only have close friends and family and I do like facebook to keep in touch with family that are away and it is convenient for arranging group nights out with my friends. That is all I use it for now.

I feel the same as strawberriesandcream, and have asked or stated to people that we would prefer not too. Most have understood and obliged us. Some think we are funny, but hey I don't care. However, unlike you DP and I don't have any pictures on our facebook pages either.

Think you should just let people know how you feel and ask them politely not too - other wise how will they know you don't like it?

Ragwort You're right you don't need to be on FB and i wear my I don't do FB badge with pride. I hate FB for too many reasons to mention but after every social event my kids are at i get people coming up and saying "oh i saw your kids on so and so's FB page..." and it really winds me up.
How dare people put images of my children up on a public foram without asking!
I have a good friend who has split from a very violent ex and does not want this man to find her and her children, what chance does she have of staying under the radra with people doing this kind of thing.

YANBU about the birth announcement issue, I can see why you/your DH wanted to be the ones to put the first pics up. However, YABU about the issue of others putting pics of your kids on their profile, if someone I was friends with already had pictures of their kids on their own profile then I wouldn't necessarily check with them before putting pics of them on mine. If you are happy to have pictures of your children on facebook at all I don't see how it makes a difference whose profile they are on, but it would be a different story if you hadn't put any pictures on yourself and weren't happy about them being there at all.

Toby - like Strawberries, I find FB a useful way of keeping in touch with people. Basically I use it as email.

Heidi - have to say that I see a clear distinction between parents posting pics and other people doing it, and I can see why some people wouldn't be happy with the latter. If I post pictures, then I control the privacy settings and I know who can see the photos. If someone else posts photos, I have no way of knowing who can see the pictures - I can't tell what their privacy settings are and I probably don't know all of their friends (or friends of friends...or uindeed everyone in the world, if they don't use any privacy barriers...).

WTF is going on with the italicising these days???

I can totally see both sides of this argument even though I don't personally mind friends & family posting pics of my DD I can understand why somepeople might.

Just try to remember that your sister prob puts these pics on cos she is bursting with pride & joy and wants to show them off, thats a natural feeling but i'm sure she would understand if you explained how you felt to her (depending on how the conversation is handled)

D
x

I don't like other people putting up pics of ds because he's mine. i don't feel I have to justify it any more than that!

However someone putting up a group pic of all of us including ds to show what a great BBQ we went to is fine whereas a pic just of ds or ds with the poster is not ok, as it feels as though they are showing him off and he's mine to show, not theirs.

Don't care if that makes me seem overly precious, motherly feelings of protectiveness aren't always rational.

kitbit I think that is how I feel too. I do feel that it is not up to others to show off my children to all and sundry (and look like a doting aunt when they can't even be bothered to send a single birthday, christmas card or congratulations on your baby card, despite living down the road or even congratulate me by text on having a child).

YADNBU this is something that really grates on me! My friends sister did this to her when she was still in hospital, I couldnt believe it! and her pics arent private as Im not her friend and could see them!!
I also cant stand it when people do it with other peoples wedding pictures! I would not be impressed!!

i think you're not being precious for 2 very real reasons.

1. when you upload pictures to facebook,you authorise them to use the data for any purpose they like. are the stories about parents finding their child's face on a new product (from a dodgey marketing company who's just removed a pic from a FB profile for their new product) really that burried? i've read at least 3 this year so far. 1 from a teenage model whose professional pics were stolen from FB profile and put on a.. ahem... adult website. another one where a family picture was used to advertise family holidays in africa. very strange!

1. facebook is in partnership with google, working on face recognition. do you want your DD to googled at her job interview in 16 years time, and pics of her as a baby crop up next to her name? this was in the news last year.

very naive, and RUDE, to just post pics without consent.

i have a FB page, dont' use it much, but i always assume no consent, and always ask before i post public stuff.

Hmmm, I didn't know that. It makes me not want to have the pictures on my own profile if thats how they can be used!

Can see why the situation with your DD irked a bit. But really don't get the whole "omg they have a picture of my babyyyy" hysteria. IT's just a bloody photo they aren't taking your childs soul! Just my opinion.

I have no pictures of my kids on FB and I won't allow any family members or friends to post them either. You put a picture online and it's out there forever.

I have told friends and family about this and I have had a few comments but I don't care. When they're adults they can put up as many pictures of themselves as they like but whilst they're still kids I won't allow it

well, nzshar, i've already given 2 very concerning examples. i don't understand why people are still beating the "no harm can be done" line.

i would respect comments like that more if people came out and acknowledged how these pictures can be used for unintended purposes and still that person says they think it's no big deal. rather than deny unauthorised use of facebook pictures goes on. iyswim.

frgr have just done some research about the use of facebook photos on facebook blog and snopes both state that third party advertising is not allowed and that facebook has always said in their terms and conditions that they may use photos for facebook internal advertising.

But again I say its only a picture they haven't and won't steal your soul :)

Also I don't really think that baby photos are going to be at all relevant to my son when he goes for his super duper job in 15 years time, so that he can pay for me to live in a way I can become accustomed to

i dont have any pics of me on fb and family members decide to put pics of me on their profiles!!! with my hair uncovered....

I agree that yanbu... These kids will all grow up and I wonder whether this invasion of their privacy will lead to lawsuits or whether fb will be out of fashion by then.

One of my mates has put naked photos of her ds on fb which I feel is just a disaster I keep wondering how to broach the subject without sounding patronising or alarmist but I feel it lacks judgement.

My dc is six days overdue so in no rush to join the online community (or any community it would seem) my brother made a no fb rule with my nephew and I am keen to try the same... Just let the kids make their own choices when the time comes ... Another mate put out a photo where you couldn't really see the childs face whilst he was in a Moses basket - overall effect was very cute and proved the child existed but didn't invade his privacy.

Fb can encourage people to 'overshare' in a bizarre one upmanship way

So the OP texts her sister the picture and then gets bent out of shape when the sister then posts it ... even though it came from the mother of the child in question? YABU.

I can understand you being annoyed but you should be annoyed with yourself for texting the pic in the first place unless you'd given fair warning.

i don't think yabu. My sil has just had a new baby girl and hasn't even asked us not to post pics but i know how she feels about FB so i wouldn't even though i have some gorgeous pics of my DDs with their new cousins.

My sister doesn't mind us having pics of kids as long as no one is tagged in them and they are not used as profile pics but this is due to DN's psycho stalking father who keeps trying to add us all on FB so my whole family have very high controls!

I wouldn't post pics of someone elses kids without consent! But i see no harm in my family having pics of my dd's as long as only friends can see pics.

BUT i'd have been annoyed had anyone posted new born pic of dd's before DP or I had announced it, agree your sister just wasn't thinking!

Wellthisisawkward

My sister was away on a course, couldn't get home and was dying to see her neice, she asked me to text her a picture and I did. There is no problem with that. I wasn't expecting her to post it to facebook so I don't really know what your post is about.

"both state that third party advertising is not allowed"

Right. But people do break website rules, don't they? Are you saying that the porn star website didn't use the teen's model photo? Or that the family whose pic was used for avertising the holiday didn't happen? These were mainstream newspapers I read them in - admittedly online since I never get time to sit and READ a paper these days

"facebook has always said in their terms and conditions that they may use photos for facebook internal advertising"

Right, but how many people are aware that by uploading other people's photos they are giving consent for FB to use them however they please? Do it with your own pics, but it seems distasteful and downright disrespectful for other people to assume you're happy to have it done to you.