parents leave their 2 yr old behind to serve in army - what do you think?

[MissyKLo]

I read this and was very sad for this little boy and think it is something that will have an impact on him for the rest of his life - it must have been a very very difficult decision but I can't help feel it was the wrong one (for them to go and leave him).

It's not that I judge them, I feel bad for them - I am not sure how I really feel about the whole story... just that it is a sad one

What do you think?

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1364369/Ohio-parents-serving-Afghanistan-Skype-toddler-goodnight-night.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

Minimum quialifications to enter the Uk Army at officer level is 2 A levels grades A to E. Not a degree.

please tell me why you are right.

of all the families i know with autistic children children (some of whom are serving military military, some are not) none have ever been given any specific (or even suggested) reason as to causation.

i'd love to see some research which outlines causation for autism specifically, preferably for an nt 2 year old who gets to move in with his grandma for a year, whilst talking to parents on skype every couple of days?

Hi Colditz - can you explain the autism link - I can understand the attachment disorder but am not too clued up about autism.

Apologies for stating it was a degree minimum, but fact is most people going into officer training have degrees. My point is that they are not "mindless grunts".

There are 3 Forces by the way, my husband would be highly offended if anyone referred to him as a soldier or being in the Army

CaveMum - I'm not talking about sodding OFFICERS. I am talking about the cannon fodder. Being in the services you'll know about all the jack asses in the lower ranks.

I am talking about attachment disorder, which is IN MY OPINION as disabling as High Functioning Autism.

Being in the Army does not cause Autism. I know being the Army does not cause Autism. I have at no point stated that being in tha Army causes Autism.

I used Autism as a slightly better known analogy, to make the point that one would not choose to fuck up your child's emotional wellbeing for the sake of not missing your spouse, which leaving a child for a year and then attempting to reclaim it on the same grounds as you left certainly would.

Most people going into the Army are not officers, though.

i think they're selfish

utterly, utterly selfish

poor little boy. he may have lovely lovely family looking after him. but at the end of the day his PARENTS- the most important people in his little world have chosen to go and leave him.

And as for Skpe - I'm not sure the television (which is all skype will look like to a toddler) is a decent substitute for one's mummy and daddy. TV presenters talk to children all the time.

one parent or the other - not ideal, but not harmful, they still have the other parent to stay attached to.

Colditz, are you talking about the old refridgerator mother theory?

I'm not in the Forces, my husband is. Yes there are arses in the military, just as there are in every walk of life. I work in horseracing and know plenty of arsehole stable lads, but I'd never make a sweeping statement and say ALL stable lads are arseholes.

TWDA. Following on from madwomans post. In our little micro-whatsit, DH and I have 6 o levels, 3 C&Gs, 8 GCSEs, 2 A levels and 1 diploma.

(and 15 medals, 3 commendations)

not bad for grunts huh? (and not even officer grunts at that, we'd have degrees if we were)

US Army does it differently, HM Forces make every effort possible not to send married couple with children to theatre at the same time. I have known back to back tours before, but generally it is 'frowned' upon to allow simultaneous deployments.

Single mothers / fathers are a different kettle of fish. HM Forces can discharge single parents who cannot accept unrestricted working practices, so great care is taken to make sure the SP understands what is expected of them regarding deployment. If they do not want to deploy they can be dischrged with very little fuss. I do not know the rules for the US Army, who this story is all about, so cannot comment.

I can see what colditz is saying - seems clear- about autism and attachment disorder. Likening going away to making a choice to affect your child's health. Noweher was this linked to parents being in the forces or to autism having a cause.

It should be noted this is an american couple not british, their deployments to Afghanistan can be upto a year at a time so if one spouse has been deployed , comes back then the other one goes they may not see each other for 2 years - that is a lot of pressure on a relationship

But not seeing either of your parents for a year is OK? No, I don't think so. I am sorry, but they should have thought about this before they bought a child into the world.

I don't see how seeing each other everyday is more important than parenting your child...sorry....I just don't!

And then, what if neither of them comes back?

We were thinking that a two-year-old wouldn't remember too much of us being gone

I think they underestimate a two yr old.

No, as I have quite clearly stated, HFA is not an attachment disorder, and an attachment disorder is not autism, but they are similarly disabling and as someone who lives with a child with HFA, some thought should be given before deciding to risk inflicting this level of turmoil upon your child.

And when I say "Some thought should be given" what I mean is "And they should not do it"

that's great. but you did actually say autism. and parents who have children with autism get enough suspicion and blame without adding 'what you do for a living' to the 'things to worry about' list. stating with 'did i do something when i was pg?' through 'should i have bf longer?' to 'why did i vaccinate?'

i just think the autism comment was uncalled for. if you're worried about attachment disorder, call it that. the problem with 'slightly better known analogies' is that the dm runs a headline next week saying 'soldiering causes autism shocker'

I am not talking about refridgerator mothers.

I do not thing that having missing parents causes autism.

I think it will probably cause an attachment disorder.

I don't remember jack fucking shit before I was 3.

This is the context in which I said AUTISM.

"......the child will detach from his parents and reattach to whoever the main carer is. They will come back to a child who is no longer theirs. the child will not remember either of them, not properly. They will then probably attempt to take the child, breaking the second attachment the child has made. The child will learn that making attachments is pointless. |I predict behavioral problems - fairly major ones.

They might has well have sat down and said "I really miss you. Shall we give our child high functioning autism so I can see you more?" "Oh what a good idea darling"....."

Can you see where I said

"they might as well have"?

I do, I remember being about 22 months old, for reasons too boring and convoluted to mention.

just because you don't remember specific occurrences does not mean they can't affect you

i have memories as early as 1! I only know because I told my mum and she said I must'bve been 1 as I could remember a car that my dad crashed and got rid of just after my first birthday.

the Daily Mail is not my responsibility

And I have explained myself ad nauseum.

Does anyone know what proportion of children separated from their main carer go on to have an attachment disorder?

I'm now thinking also of the children of migrant workers (mentioned briefly by a poster above).

Thanks for clearing that up Colditz.

I don't agree with the sentiment that mothers shouldn't go on tour nor that the army is comprised of grunts - but I am willing to find out more / read up on attachment disorders :)