parents leave their 2 yr old behind to serve in army - what do you think?

[MissyKLo]

I read this and was very sad for this little boy and think it is something that will have an impact on him for the rest of his life - it must have been a very very difficult decision but I can't help feel it was the wrong one (for them to go and leave him).

It's not that I judge them, I feel bad for them - I am not sure how I really feel about the whole story... just that it is a sad one

What do you think?

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1364369/Ohio-parents-serving-Afghanistan-Skype-toddler-goodnight-night.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

my point exactly colditz.
however he is being left with family so may not be as extreme as that. And kids are amazingly resilient

colditz: interested - was that predominantly true of eg wartime evacuees? Or separated/reunited IDPs?

Colditz said it better than I ever could.

I work with several psychologists who treat attachment disorder. In their clinical experience, it never fully resolves.

'Shall we give our child high functioning autism so I can see you more?'

Autism of any sort is not caused by parents having left them for a period in order to work.

I don't understand this. I couldn't do it. They do have a choice

Jacksmania: how sad for children thus affected. I asked above about how often this disorder occurs. What is the estimated incidence amongst children who have experienced separation from a main carer? Does length of separation make a difference? Does reason for separation make a difference? Does nature of care during absence of main carer make a difference?

It must be terrible for parents who are absent for eg hospitalisation to have their concerns for their own health multiplied by the knowledge they are also damaging their children.

Or is it not perhaps as inevitable as suggested above?

Offensive? So it's not true that the army is made up mostly of grunts who haven't got a GCSE between them because they're either not that bright, not that academic or from a background where the army seemed like a valid choice given the other options? It's no more offensive than than the notion that everyone who wears a uniform is somehow now a 'hero'. Come to my town on a weekend night and watch the intelligent soldiers roll around fighting with each other and the locals.

I find this really really sad. I am currently reading about attachment as I am going to conduct research on it later this year and find it naive that they think it won't effect him at this age.

Meditrina, if there is no other way it's what has to be done. And if parents are e.g. hospitalised (at least from personal experience) they still see their children regularly. They don't just miss out of years or months.

I do judge this couple even though I am sure they didn't make their decision lightly

I dont agree with any women serving on the front line, never mind a mother.

My dads parents left him with his grandmother for almost 3 years after he was born, as it was during the 1930's depression, and they had to go to whereever there was work, so they had little choice, but it affected my dad deeply and he never had the bond with his mother that a child should have.

The couple in this article chose to have a child, and as such, one of them should be prepared to commit to raising that child even if it means a career change.

Gilmore - that's why I was asking about the incidence of the disorder other posters have mentioned, against the nature, duration etc of the absence and the alternative care arrangements in place (and nature of contact, if any during absence, eg Internet video calls v hospital visits v prison visits, for example). I do not think it's as cut and dried as suggested.

TWDA: minimum joining requirements for the British Army are 7 GCSEs.

I disagree wtih their leaving him like that, though.

She looks like she is Philippino, though, and I do know quite a few whose parents worked away for long stretches from when they were young whilst they stayed with the grandparents and none has any attachment disorders or that.

meditrina - with all due respect. b@llocks! There are absolutely NO qualifications needed to be a soldier unless you're going for a technical job, and we arent talking GCSE's for that. 7 GCSE are for officers and they dont even need to be good ones, C's will do. So like I said not always the brightest buttons.

I also think it is naive to say it won't affect the child. of course it will. its not that i judge them but the child will be affected by this

I also have the utmost respect for soldiers of both sexes who risk so much to do the job they do, ok a few bad eggs might tarnish the reputation, but come on TWDA, your comments were harsh

soldiers do a brave job, they should be respected

"Offensive? So it's not true that the army is made up mostly of grunts who haven't got a GCSE between them because they're either not that bright, not that academic or from a background where the army seemed like a valid choice given the other options?"

No I don't believe it is and I speak as an army brat, and someone who still has firm ties to the army. Although a high proportion of the army is made up of young males, they also have university graduates, middle class, upper class etc. Like in most proffessions.

No. Attachment disorder, however, is arguably as disabling as high functioning autism presents similarly, and leaving a child for a year then attempting to "be mummy and daddy again", only to repeat the process a year late, is sure to cause some attachment problems

People who behave with honour should be respected. Putting on a uniform and going on tour to do the job that they being paid for imho, not brave just doing what they're supposed too.

You do NOT need 7 GCSE's to join the army. You need NONE. I know, because I went through the interview process. I was advised to go away and reapply for officer status when I turned 19.

twda - in our little military microcosm of two, we've got two first degrees, three masters, and a phd.

but don't let that get in the way of your stereotypes about the british troops, when this story is about an american couple working under completely different policy.

as mrss says, it's completely different for us troops.

and colditz, that comment about autism is utterly beyond the pale.

childcare for the us military is more easily available - sometimes with early, late and overnights available. for very good reason.

it's not something that i could countenance personally (and it wouldn't occur in the uk in any case) but as a single serving parent you are looking at this scenario anyway. as a recruiter i had to make absolutely certain that single parent applicants knew that their operational responsibilities would not be waived.

anywaya,

lor, stray, 'anywaya'?!

Sad for the little boy they made the choice they did and naive to think it was for the best.

it is not just a job, they risk their life! your comments seem out of proportion and harsh to soldiers who are, for the most part, very brave people who risk their lives for us all

madwoman, explain why I am wrong, please. You state it is beyond the pale - it's certainly an extremely unpleasant concept - but do you actually know anything about autism (non - or -minimally environmentally caused) and attachment disorder (almost entirely environmentally caused)?

So please tell me why I am wrong.

TWDA that is a highly offensive statement you have just made. My husband is a highly skilled RAF officer and has far more than "a few GCSEs" to his name. To enter any of the Forces at officer level requires a university degree.
What is it with Mumsnet and the Forces bashing of late?!

ps - necessary qalification requirements for the UK army

I was unable to find the necessary qualifications for the US military. their standard might be higher - I don't know.