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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Number 2s with your baby latched on?

48 replies

capricorn76 · 10/03/2011 04:47

This thread was inspired by last weeks almighty row about having sex whilst breastfeeding. About halfway through I asked another poster if she had ever taken a shit with her baby latched on and to my surprise she said yes. Various others leapt in to say doing a poo whilst feeding their baby was perfectly normal behaviour. I personally found it unhygienic and strange but that's just my opinion, I'm not expecting everyone or even anyone to agree. I wanted to know if it was genuinely normal behaviour as it?s not something people tend to discuss in RL.

Now this is not a BF v FF debate so please don't turn into one (in case anyone?s interested, I bottle feed expressed milk and formula). I was just really surprised to hear what some people do whilst feeding their babies.

I know that some babies are more clingy than others but surely you can detach yourself for 5 mins to go to the loo? What about when you cook? Is your baby still attached to you then? Is that not dangerous?

I have a theory that maybe women who always have their babies attached to them are suffering from some level of PND? At one end PND manifests as the inability to bond with the baby, maybe at the other end it displays itself as an unwillingness to ever let go of the baby? I don't know but I think it maybe the case. I mean the baby isn't going to die because you put it down to go to the loo or cook and maybe the baby has learned to be clingy because you've always got it attached to you? I'm a big believer in not leaving my baby to cry it out but sometimes things need to be done that cannot involve her and if she has to cry for a couple of mins then so be it, I just try to do whatever I'm doing as fast as I can and get back to her. I don't think it will cause any long-term issues.

Anyway, I just wanted to post because as I said before I was genuinely shocked that anyone would do a poo with their baby attached to them. I'm trying not to judge but I just think its weird. AIBU?

OP posts:
Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 10/03/2011 04:55

Well, I'm toilet training my two year old, and as part of that I let her see me use the Grownup Toilet. That's pretty usual, isn't it? It's so common as to almost be an adage about motherhood; you can't poo in peace for years! So if it's not odd to expose a toddler, who can talk, walk and process the information, why would it be odd to let an infant into the room?

Is it because the infant is physically attached to the boob? How would you feel if, for example, you had a one year old sitting on your lap while you had a wee?

There are other things in your post that are making me roll my eyes, like the idea that babies become clingy because they're in constant connection with their mums, but I'll concentrate on the loo one. What isn't hygienic? The baby being in the room? Or being physically in contact with the pooing person (albeit nowhere near the relevant end)? Where does your discomfort come from?

Morloth · 10/03/2011 05:00

Clinginess works the other way IME, the more attached you are when tiny the more independant they are when they get bigger, certainly what happens with mine. DS2 is just over 11 months and I have to chase him down to get a cuddle now. DS1 is far too busy to want to cuddle with me.

But no eating in the toilet here, it isn't actually going to hurt the baby though so if someone else wants to it isn't my lookout.

Personally I try very hard not to let my babies cry for too long, but sometimes it is their turn to wait that is how families work.

PenguinArmy · 10/03/2011 05:16

I did it Grin

Admittedly only in the first few weeks

DD was difficult to feed and would have very short feeds. If she ever unlactched for some reason, she wouldn't go back on and was a fussy eater to well after 6 months.

Also I have IBS, if I need to go, I need to go and often get no warning.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 10/03/2011 05:23

You can borrow my daughter, Morloth, she's almost two and a half and still wants cuddling constantly.

But the 'eating in the toilet' made me realise - that's why the distinction, yes? The 'unhygienic' thing is because anyone eating in a loo is yuck.

(Which is why the people who insist that women go there to breastfeed make me angry, but that's another thread). And that's why it's different from a small child sitting on one's lap, or whatever.

That makes sense.

I can't actually remember whether I ever did this. I don't think so, but it doesn't horrify me.

PickleSarnie · 10/03/2011 06:14

I'm not sure how this could ever turn into a 'BF vs FF' debate. A 'BF on the loo vs BF on the sofa' debate perhaps.

I've never done it. Can't figure out how it. Fail to see how I could wipe and feed at the same time.

PickleSarnie · 10/03/2011 06:16

'can't figure it out'

doricpatter · 10/03/2011 06:17

@ women with babies constantly at the breast having PND. That'll include the entire population of the world up until a few hundred years ago then?!

It's a turd. Even the queen does them. It's neither psychologically damaging or unclean to let baby continue to feed while pooing is in progress.

GotArt · 10/03/2011 06:25

Morloth "the more attached you are when tiny the more independant they are when they get bigger". I believe this and read in a parenting magazine that studies demonstrate this to be true. I see it with my 2 year old DD as well.

I don't recall if I've ever had a bowel movement while feeding DD, but she has certainly been in there with me asleep in the sling while I've gone to the bathroom. I'm potty training her now and bring her in to sit on the potty any time I have to go.

weegiemum · 10/03/2011 06:28

"PND made me BF my baby on the loo" Hmm

Have you had pnd?

gorionine · 10/03/2011 06:44

I had my babies pretty much glued to me all the time but NOT when in the toilet as it is the only place where I get a bit of peace every now and then.

On the BF on the toilet I have an even more definit NO. I once was BF in a restaurant and someone told me "there are toilets to do that!" to which my answer was "would you eat your meal in the toilet?" I suppose most people's answer would be that they would not have a meal in the toilet, why should a baby be BF in the toilet? I cannot think of one single reason actually. If I was desperate for the toilet surely it would take a couple of minutes and then back to baby or if the baby is really screaming to much you postpone the toilet session for a bit , non?

KenDoddsDadsDog · 10/03/2011 06:51

I had to do it during the post natal "difficult pooh" days. Because I was on the toilet for ages. Can't say it was my best experience though. I prefer to read.

doricpatter · 10/03/2011 06:53

I think allowing your BF newborn to continue to feed while you poo is a completely different set of circumstances to being asked to feed in a toilet when out in public.

Don't get me wrong, you wouldn't catch me feeding a baby in public toilets to ease the discomfort of some twat who thinks breasts are for men not babies or whatever. But if that baby was in a sling and tiny and hungry, then yes, of course I would let it continue to feed rather than wake it up/extract it/find someone to hold it while I poo.

As for the other issue - what do you do in the toilet that makes feeding your baby into a hygiene issue? Don't dunk their head in the loo and wash your hands afterwards. Everything will be fine.

controlpantsandgladrags · 10/03/2011 06:59

Sorry but your PND theory is absolutely rediculous. And I've had PND.

gorionine · 10/03/2011 07:00

I find the idea yuck whichever way you lok at it. Eating and toilet are not a good mix and to me, going in there for that purpose is wrong whether your baby is confortable in a sling or to "ease" others people discomfort.

The hygene issue would be what do I do with baby while I wipe/wash my hands and do not get me started on the smell (not only in public toilet)Smile

Morloth · 10/03/2011 07:01

Oh I have done the baby in the sling and go to the toilet trick, it just never occurred to me to feed them there.

GotArt my current house was designed by someone who gave no thought to the mothers of young children. My bathroom has a sliding door with no lock, honestly it is like grand central in rush hour if I try to do a poo.

I say 'get out' over and over and the baby's fav trick is to slide the door back and forth until the inevitable happens and he squishes his fingers.

Shakirasma · 10/03/2011 07:53

How would you wash your hands after wiping, without touching baby in-between time?

buttonmooncup · 10/03/2011 09:42

Unless you've got a medical condition like one of the pp's said or the runs surely a poo can wait for a convenient time?

buttonmooncup · 10/03/2011 09:44

Also surely the smell would be unpleasant while eating. My toddler came to the toilet with me when I was potty training but she didn't bring her lunch with her!

StewieGriffinsMom · 10/03/2011 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
capricorn76 · 10/03/2011 09:55

To those who wonder if I've ever had PND I actually currently have PND as I had a terrible birth and breast feeding experience and am currently in counselling following a GP referral but through my sessions it became apparent that not all women suffer PND in the same way. For example I tend to suffer with high levels of anxiety but have bonded well with DD, however, some women are more depressed instead of anxious. I wondered if wanting to hold onto your baby all the time was a type of anxiety/fear thing as they can't be eating all the time so it must be the mum who can't put the baby down?

It was a genuine question; it was just a theory and I was just thinking out loud, didn't want to offend anyone. I've found counselling to be great but it has lead me to question why other mothers do what they do a little more, do they have undiagnosed issues?

With the eating while feeding thing, I guess it's just the eating in loo thing, not so much that they are present but eating at the same time someone's doing a smelly poo and I wondered how you can wipe and wash your hands properly whilst the baby is attached. I just can't see the logistics of it all and thus it seems unhygienic to me. I guess I was programmed not to eat in the bathroom and if I see anyone doing it, I feel a bit sick and I thought I'd be pretty grossed out if my mum told me she'd had a poo whilst feeding me!

OP posts:
SmethwickBelle · 10/03/2011 09:55

I think it was Caitin Moran who described a mother as someone who has to schedule a poo in two sittings. Grin

I didn't have PND and did BF for a few months, and am absolutely certain I used the toilet with the baby latched. There aren't many convenient times with a newborn plus a toddler (who was toilet training), so I would just sort of segue through the day multitasking.

It isn't like I was sitting there for 20 minutes reading the paper, the whole thing probably took seconds not even minutes - and yes I did wash my hands, one at a time Grin.

TheCrackFox · 10/03/2011 09:56

Are you insane?

upyourdiva · 10/03/2011 10:00

YABU to judge because you don't know the full circs but YANBU for thinking it is a bit minging.

TBH in the early days I can see how it is easier but personally no I probably would'nt do it but I have not been in that position so I don't know.

I guess if LO was in a sling and happily feeding beforehand then fair enough but if baby just wanted fed then no they can wait a few minutes.

Each to their own I doubt it would do them any harm, the only thing that bthers me would be the smell

Morloth · 10/03/2011 10:00

I want to hold my babies all the time, they are just yummy. I have them strapped to my chest for as long as I can manage in a sling, I sleep with them snuggled up and am never happier than when curled up on the lounge with the two of them.

Never even been close to PND, I just want my babies very close all the time.

Mumwithadragontattoo · 10/03/2011 10:01

I have never done this and would be worried about the hygiene aspect. I would always put the baby somewhere safe while I went to the toilet if I was at home.

Having said that I have had a wee with the baby in the sling while out and about (what else can you do in a public toilet if you're on your own?). I suppose I would have done a poo if I'd been really desperate. But I have never found it easy to bf in a sling so the baby wouldn't have been eating at same time. So not sure really...