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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to get really annoyed at people commenting on my weight?

74 replies

runnyhabbit · 09/03/2011 16:49

I am 5'7, and a size 10/12.

Whenever I mention eating healthily or getting fit (in general conversation) I get told one, or all of the following -

-to not be so silly/stupid
-you're mad
-what do you want to lose weight for
-I bet you're one of those people that can eat anything

etc

I'm 35, had 2 dc and I am concious about what the whole family eat. I know I don't need to lose weight!

BUT

would anyone think they could comment so freely if I was overweight? I doubt it.

OP posts:

Nancy66 · 09/03/2011 18:36

People who bang on about their weight are fucking dull. Fat or thin.

upahill · 09/03/2011 18:41

fat doesn't come overnight with the fat fairy..

You sure about that, really sure?? because it has visite me a few times.

(what there is no fat fairy what happened?]

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 09/03/2011 18:41

God I hate the "you're so lucky to be slim" brigade.

No I'm not lucky to be slim, I work fucking hard at it actually. I didn't need to when I was younger but now that I'm ancient more mature I can't get away with eating what I like so I've had to readjust my eating habits and exercise routine.

The flipside of it too is that when I get ill (such as with D&V) my weight plummets rapidly and I look like Skeletor in a dress. Not a good look.

I don't call people fat munters so what gives them the right to call me a skinny bitch?

Not that I am a skinny bitch these days, just an average size.

IWouldNotCouldNotWithAGoat · 09/03/2011 18:46

Sure Godfrey, but why start a conversation about your weight and then get offended because people talk about...uh...your weight? It's bloody tedious.

And I am pretty much the exact same proportions as the OP, before people say I'm just jealous!

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 09/03/2011 18:48

I find it so sad that we seem to feel the need to be unkind about other people in order to feel better about ourselves.

too fat too thin too tall too short

how about too happy?

unsolicited personal comments can so often be hurtful.

worraliberty · 09/03/2011 18:51

But that's the point Iwouldnot The OP wasn't talking about her weight...just about getting fit and eating healthily...it's other people who then bring weight into it.

Skifit · 09/03/2011 18:52

Dont worry about people mentioning your weight......
Just be glad you are not over weight/obese.

Nellykats · 09/03/2011 18:52

Asinine, you probably will fall in love with me actually and that will wreak havoc in our families - disaster looms!

On a less self loving tone, my issue with the OP is that she is describing a slim figure, nothing extremely thin that may be judged as anorexic. Most often, slim is desirable whereas there is a fine line between curvy and fat - and we don't live in a society that loves big women do we? Besides, I have people tell me that " I am mad or silly for a plethora of reasons. They may be cracking a joke or just make conversation.

You are indeed lucky to be slim, not in a metaphysical way but in that it's desirable and nice. Other examples might be you're lucky to be with your partner, lucky to have children/job/car; it doesn't mean a fairy brought them but that you're fortunate.

Those of a larger built that tell you you're lucky do not deserve your anger or hate, they probably aspire to be a bit like you. So it's disingenuous to complain in such circumstances.

nobodyimportant · 09/03/2011 18:55

Believe me, people do comment if you are overweight and way more insulting than anything in the OP. All those comments read to me like they think that you look great as you are. How very dare they . Agreed "skinny bitch" isn't on though.

LadyBiscuit · 09/03/2011 18:58

Yes but ... if you say to someone who is significantly heavier than you 'oh god I really need to do something about eating more healthily' then they are going to take that as a dig against them. It's true.

I have a friend who is 22 stone. I never moan talk to her about times when my diet is rubbish/I feel unfit etc. Because I know damn well she'll take that as a criticism.

Surely you have some friends of a similar size you can talk to about these things? Otherwise it does come across as boasting/insensitive, sorry.

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 09/03/2011 19:16

IWouldNot

I'd never start a conversation about my weight - mainly because I rarely know how much I weigh (we don't own any scales). I know if I've put on weight if my jean cut into me just like I know I've lost some if I have to wear a belt.

I used to work with a very spiteful woman who was obsessed by the fact I was slim and she was overweight.

I could never win with her. If I ate salad for lunch she'd say "why are you eating salad? skinny bitches like you don't need to eat rabbit food". Erm, perhaps I'm eating it because I actually like the taste of it. Is there a law against slim people getting their 5 a day or are we expected to eat blocks of lard 'because we can'.

Another time I said I had a craving for KFC (I was 3 months pregnant). The response was "oh you're so lucky you can eat what you like, I'm always having to watch what I eat". Would have sounded better if didn't have a cornish pastie in her hand at 11am.

redexpat · 09/03/2011 19:18

YANBU. For all those saying that if you start a conversation about fitness then you are inviting comments about weight - why is this the ONLY reason women should exercise? Why can't we execise to feel good and to be healthy? Or because we enjoy it?

Yes I HATE people talking about my weight too, and I have never invited it. Grrr need a after reading some of the posts but am pregnant. ARGH!

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 09/03/2011 19:22

Just realised that after I mentioned Skeletor ByThePowerOfGreyskull arrived on the thread! PMSL

ByThePowerOfGreyskull · 09/03/2011 19:31

Mahraih · 09/03/2011 19:43

OP, I do understand your point, but I think you're feeling offended for no good reason. I am a shade over 5'10 and usually a size 8 (now 4 weeks after having DS and a size 10). I've been called a 'skinny bitch' and had people say all the things you mentioned and more - I have never been irritated or offended.

Why? Because it's absolutely NOT the same as someone saying, 'oh, you've put on a few pounds'. I take it with good grace. It is normally a compliment, and at worst is jealousy. Most women aspire to be slim - they aren't putting you down for it.

Why bother being offended? You're healthy and slim, that's great. If you need to say something, tell them the truth: "Well I eat a healthy diet and that's why I'm this weight."

The most unintentionally insulting comment I've ever had was from a midwife who happened past as I waited for an appointment: "You should be a model. Yes, you're tall and skinny, and have that odd look. It's not the traditionally pretty girls that are models. I watch Tyra Banks, it's never the pretty girls." You just have to laugh!

aliceliddell · 09/03/2011 19:50

It is bloody annoying to have all and sodding sundry feeling free to comment on your food/size/luck/whatever no matter what size you are! It is none of their business and is just one more way of turning our bodies into public property and making us self conscious/self hating and compete with each other to meet some commercialised "ideal" virtually none will ever reach and even if you did you'll spend the rest of your life obsessed with maintaining it as your main source of value and self esteem. Shit, there is no punctuation in that...Yes, I am annoyed by this issue; and not a little disappointed some see this as bragging/vanity by stealth. please don't - all of us are made to feel shit & inadequate, not because we're thin, not because we're fat, but because we're women. It's worse if you're disabled, incidentally. Of course then nobody gives a shit what you look like because nobody wants to shag you anyway...(just kidding, I am sex on wheels)

frazzle26 · 09/03/2011 19:55

I agree with you OP. I'm 5 foot and weigh 8st 11lb. People seem to find it perfectly acceptable to comment on how petite I am but I don't think they would be so vocal if I weighed 20st. I am naturally fairly slim but have been heavier when I have been less careful with my diet. Also I have noticed a difference since I started exercising this year. I'm just saying that I do have to work at being slim , it doesn't just happen.

Original poster

runnyhabbit · 09/03/2011 20:15

I'm back

So lots of opinions then

I would just like to point out, that I do not start the "healthy living" conversations. It's usually waiting at school gates/work/friends what've have you been up to, oh I've been to the gym etc etc

I am not the fittest person, by any means

If someone gives me geniune compliment, then I enjoy it - who wouldn't? But skinny bitch etc is a very backhanded 'compliment', and maybe it's just me, but I wouldn't say that to my closest friends (because I know how I would take it, iyswim)

I guess my bosses attitude today (have a pretty good relationship with her) just really riled me.

(As for bragging by stealth - that's not me. When I brag and boast, it's from the rooftops)

OP posts:

supersewer · 09/03/2011 20:44

have any of you thought that it may be their insecurities that make them appear to insult you. They are probably battling with their own body image and to see someone who appears to look like they want to yet still complaining/talking about dieting etc etc... may feel insensitive to them!!

maypole1 · 09/03/2011 20:48

Somebody asked me if I am pregnant the other day I am only a size 12 gurr

GwendolineMaryLacey · 09/03/2011 20:57

I think the difference comes because the skinny bitch comments, although deeply unpleasant, stem from jealousy. The fat cow comments come from pity or disgust or the like.

Some of the comments on here are awful. I've only had a few slim years out of my 38 so I never really realised that you get it whatever your size.

Nagoo · 09/03/2011 21:05

maypole you must be radiant :)

Op, it is annoying, but everyone gets it, all the time, no matter what their size, we live in a society obsessed with body image, and no one is exempt!

ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 09/03/2011 21:09

supersewer

Where has the OP (or any other of us skinny bitches) said we were complaining or talking about dieting?

I got the bitchy comments because I was eating salad, which I happen to enjoy (so shoot me)

And why is it okay for an insecure overweight person to call me a bitch?

ReindeerBollocks · 09/03/2011 21:18

I secretly like these types of comments that the OP mentions (so shoot me). I'm quite small but have days where I feel just bleurgh that a comment like that would perk me up. Admittedly I wouldn't seek it out, but I would think the people commenting are intending a compliment, so why take it badly?

I'd had a fair share of both types of comments but I assume so has everyone else, of all shapes and sizes. Just try and forget the bad ones and try and embrace the loosely veiled compliments.

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