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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people should offer petrol money?

68 replies

34go · 08/03/2011 21:25

I genuinely want to hear opinions here- I think that if someone is regularly giving you a lift somewhere (not a one off), even if they're going there anyway, they should offer petrol money. Just as a token gesture, even though the driver (you) would probably just say oh no don't worry about it.... but is this unreasonable? My DH thinks it is. If everyone else thinks it is, then I'm happy to back down!
Here are three poss situations:
a) you give someone a lift to a baby music group you are both going to, even though picking her and her dc up takes you half way round the ring road in the other direction(twice)
b) you give someone a lift in to work one or two days a week. Obviously you would have to go there anyway but then again without your lift this person would have to make their own way.
c) ySomeone gives you a lift to work a couple of times when it is snowing, very kindly and involving them going out of their way.
Is getting moody about petrol money Ok if you are skint but not Ok if you are not? Or is it just a sign of being a passive aggressive kind of a person to sulk about petrol money?
What are the 'rules' for this??!

OP posts:

foreverondiet · 08/03/2011 22:59

I think you should always offer if its a regular thing but don't think you should ask unless its out of your way ie (a) above, in which case ok to ask.

In (b) the person should definately offer, but might be weird to ask.

In (c) its a one off, a favour so not appropriate to ask or offer.

FabbyChic · 08/03/2011 23:11

You need to say no, you must be mad to drive 8 miles out of your way for nothing.

If you are taking someone to work you don't do it every day because that would be saving them money, if you are saving someone money they should damn well offer petrol money every single bloody week.

Easiest thing is to say Im running late can't pick you up today, or I'm going in early can't get you today.

Or, I'm heading off from elsewhere and won't be passing you to collect you today.

Some people need a push into realising how fucking lucky they are.

It is impolite not to offer, there should be no offer, it should be given with a refusal not to accept the money back.

Petrol costs a fortune nowadays and sharing a car with someone to work should mean sharing the cost.

frgr · 08/03/2011 23:20

FabbyChic in my experience it's not even worth it to try and make a vague excuse, because some people just don't get the message

my golden phrase is now "i'm afraid it's not convenient" -most people accept it's not going to happen if you just re-state it firmly if they're cheeky enough to keep pressing.

i got sick of having to "make up" excuses for not doing other people favours - amazing how the most ungrateful ones are the ones that ask the biggest favours. and they're also the ones you can rely on least when you have a genuine emergency and need their help. at least that's my experience - as i grow older i've come to realise that people like that aren't worth having in your life!

FabbyChic · 08/03/2011 23:22

frgr there are those aren't there that are real trying!

positivesteps · 09/03/2011 02:14

If I was driving past on the way to work so it was a case of being on same road and they just jumped in car I wouldn't expect any petrol money. I would like a bit though if I had to make a detour off the road I was on to work and had to drive extra miles to pick them up. A One off would be okay but on a regular basis having to make a detour which would cost more I would expect them to offer some money.

The snowy weather as just a one off I wouldn't expect any petrol money just maybe offer to buy me a coffee or something for doing them a favour. Nice people would do if you helped them out of a sticky situation eg bad weather etc.

As for baby group scenario its a bit tricky. If they are your really good friends then you might do it but then if it was a good friend they might offer you a little gift and buy you a drink etc. If its not a good Friend then it maybe is a bit cheeky expecting a lift every week with no offer of petrol or at least a drink or coffee.

Tortington · 09/03/2011 02:21

if you offer you shouldn't expect

if they ask you should

simples

GotArt · 09/03/2011 02:35

I wouldn't ask, but would always offer to buy a coffee or return the favour later for sure. It is just social manners, particularly if you must go a bit out of your way and more importantly if it was sort of a regular thing.

If it was a work thing and became routine, I would certainly ask for gas money, as that now becomes carpooling.

If they were literally on the way, (or I was to pick them up) I wouldn't ask or offer, but be damn sure you are/I was waiting in plain view to be picked up.

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/03/2011 02:46

I agree with Custardo here.

I have this issue where I rarely have access to a car (ostensibly I share with DH, but in practice he usually has it) and am stuck with a toddler and dodgy public transport. I really like hosting events and love it when people bring their kids over to mine to play while we have a cup of tea. But often people suggest their place instead which is fine, I get that it's easier for them, but then sometimes I have to ask for a lift at least one way, and do I then offer petrol money too? I don't mind, but I guess I don't think of it because I'd so much rather they came to mine in the first place.

Gemsy83 · 09/03/2011 06:06

Thats life though- people cant always come to your house and you will be expected to get places of your own steam. If you HAVE to ask someone for a lift yes you should indeed offer petrol money (or just not go!) I mean if you caught the bus/took a taxi it wouldnt be free would it?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 09/03/2011 06:39

No, you're absolutely right, it just hadn't occurred to me

cat64 · 10/03/2011 00:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

IAmTheCookieMonster · 11/03/2011 12:45

i agree, i only ask for petrol money when i am doing a journey just for them.

mowbraygirl · 11/03/2011 12:54

My DH was taking a friend for 6 months to a hospital twice a week for bloods tests and chemotherapy. She insisted on giving him petrol money because when she first found out the treatment she needed to have she enquired at the local taxi companies and was quoted by each £30 return so would have cost her £60 per week. The hospital private was virtually impossible to get to via public transport not that she felt like doing so.

NellieForbush · 11/03/2011 13:19

The key for me is 'regular'. If it is then definitely offer petrol money. Situations a and b. c is a little bit different. I would offer if I was the passenger but refuse if I was the driver.

The passenger being skint has nothing to do with it. Presumably the driver doesn't have money to burn either. You are not a charity just cos you prioritise your finances to allow you to run a car.

microfight · 11/03/2011 15:35

I used to give an old flat mate of mine lifts everywhere as I was the only one with a car. I used to pay for all the parking etc...I didn't mind this at all.

However, I started thinking she was taking the piss when she regularly took a £1 from my ash tray parking money for Tescos trolleys and always put it back in her pocket at the end of the shop!!

She never bought a round either!!

Heroine · 11/03/2011 15:45

Well I do remember a couple when I was at Uni doing things like a) if they were in a shared flat, they would 'offer' to split the room rent between then (i.e so they were paying half the rent each everyone else was - even though they insisted on sharing anyway), then insist that as the couple they had the biggest and highest status room in said flat then b) bought a car together (no doubt on the 'saved' room rent and bills money) then often 'offered' road trips that they wanted to do, then charged people (after about half way into said road trip/club night/whatever) at least the petrol money each 'to help' i.e they were making money out of their friends even though they would choose destinations and do what they wanted to do, not what the carload wanted to do. i.e they invited friends only to pay them a profit on the deal!

That type of behaviour is not on...

NinkyNonker · 11/03/2011 15:49

I think it is rude not to offer money or some sort of token of appreciation but would never ask.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 11/03/2011 15:49

A) Would give pressie every so often, chocs or something although would probably offer petrol money in the first instance.

B) Absolutely would offer petrol money and wouldn't take no for an answer

C) One off due to snow, again would give pressie.

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