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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think people should offer petrol money?

68 replies

34go · 08/03/2011 21:25

I genuinely want to hear opinions here- I think that if someone is regularly giving you a lift somewhere (not a one off), even if they're going there anyway, they should offer petrol money. Just as a token gesture, even though the driver (you) would probably just say oh no don't worry about it.... but is this unreasonable? My DH thinks it is. If everyone else thinks it is, then I'm happy to back down!
Here are three poss situations:
a) you give someone a lift to a baby music group you are both going to, even though picking her and her dc up takes you half way round the ring road in the other direction(twice)
b) you give someone a lift in to work one or two days a week. Obviously you would have to go there anyway but then again without your lift this person would have to make their own way.
c) ySomeone gives you a lift to work a couple of times when it is snowing, very kindly and involving them going out of their way.
Is getting moody about petrol money Ok if you are skint but not Ok if you are not? Or is it just a sign of being a passive aggressive kind of a person to sulk about petrol money?
What are the 'rules' for this??!

OP posts:

moomaa · 08/03/2011 21:57

Work colleague reguarly - you should have an arrangement about money.

One offs - no I wouldn't expect money or offer money.

Toddler group one - I don't get involved with this type of arrangement any more. I did used to offer people lifts (I learnt to drive quite late so have had lots of lifts and karma and all that) but I find it a big stress if I am running late and other people's car seats have been a nightmare. I am extremely picky about car seats and have once been in the situation where someone put a car seat in my car and I have not been at all confident that they have fitted it right. I did drive in that situation and it still haunts me now that I should have said no, I'm not happy, I can't take you, even if you say that you have fitted it right.

LionRock · 08/03/2011 22:01

The car seat situation's interesting - I think it's the driver's responsibility that car seats are fitted correctly so there's maybe a legal as well as moral issue with that one...

pigletmania · 08/03/2011 22:01

I would offer if it wasent a one off, and a regular thing, say more than once.

bilblio · 08/03/2011 22:02

In all the examples you give as a passenger I'd always offer. Maybe that's because I'm a driver and it's usually me going round picking people up, dropping them off and staying sober.

YANBU the last time I was offered petrol money was about 7 years ago when I gave a guy a lift to work every day for a couple of months as his car had broken down. I refused the money because he used to defrost my car when I was running late (every day). But every week another fiver would mysteriously appear in the glove box anyway.

Piggles · 08/03/2011 22:06

It would all depend on so many factors.

How often I gave the lifts
If the person was a good friend or not
If I had offered or if they had asked
If it was on my way anyway or 5 min+ out of my way

If it was just the occasional lift I wouldn't expect payment and I wouldn't offer either.

Something regular though, if I was the person getting the lift I would always offer to chip in for petrol and would think I was being rude to not pay my share especially if I was taking the lift giver out of their way. If they wouldn't accept any money then I'd do my best to 'repay' them with little presents sometimes or treat them to coffee or something.

I wouldn't ask for or expect payment from anyone though except if they had asked me to give them a ride and were just taking me for granted as a free taxi service. This would apply even more strongly if I had to go out of my way for them.

I had a guy I used to work with who always wanted me to give him a lift home - a bit out of my way, always landed me in heavy traffic adding 15 mins (and more petrol used) to my trip home and never made any mention of repayment.

After a couple of months of this I was totally sick of it - I started making excuses to get out of it. Staying late, shopping to do etc But he didn't take a hint and would stay too or walk with me to the shop.

I didn't want to fall out with him by telling him to sod off and find his own way home (or cough up some cash which I knew he didn't have) so in the end I started catching the train to work and fibbed and told him my car had broken down I waited until he'd started cadging lifts from someone else before my car got "fixed"

bigbeagleeyes · 08/03/2011 22:07

I don't drive and get a few lifts from friends. I always insist on giving petrol money.
It's only fair, fuel costs a fortune these days.

FuppyGish · 08/03/2011 22:10

i dont drive and get lifts from friends. If we were going somewhere like a soft play place or toddler group Id make sure I paid the parking and bought the drinks/snacks.

If it was going to work several times a week I would offer petrol money, if that was refused I would buy them a gift each month (but I would prefer to give petrol money)

AttillaTheMum · 08/03/2011 22:15

hassled you are giving her brownies / wine! I think thats enough and I am a big 'you should offer' person

Bumblequeen · 08/03/2011 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

Mammie81 · 08/03/2011 22:18

I gave a lift once to a girl at work who lived near me, into central london on strike day.

No petrol money offered even though without the lift it would have taken her four hours. Id saved her money on her travel card too.

IloveJudgeJudy · 08/03/2011 22:19

If you give someone a lift to work they definitely shoudl offer petrol money and you should take it.

If you give someone a lift to toddler group I think they should mention something and at least give you a gift every now and then.

A one-off in the snow I should imagine they said thank you very much and maybe bought something.

Timeforanap · 08/03/2011 22:21

Nobody likes to feel unappreciated. I'd definitely try and make sure things were "even" if I was having all those lifts - petrol money, lifts in return, childcare or whatever. If none of those were appropriate I'd buy seasonal presents and/or take the person out for lunch every so often.

Should you say anything? Hard to think how that conversation would go...maybe you could make a point of needing to buy petrol during the trip a few times to send the message home a bit?

nora12 · 08/03/2011 22:21

I think if it's a regular lift to work - yes petrol money should be paid. If it's a long journey - petrol money should be paid.

If you've offered someone a lift to a baby music group quite near - it's rude to expect payment. Don't offer if you don't want to. They were probably happy to make their own way there anyway.

I also think if you've offered someone a one off lift to help them in the snow - nothing due - it's a favour. Do you want to be reimbursed for being kind?

cumfy · 08/03/2011 22:25

I would always offer.
And I would judge anyone (other than a one-off) who doesn't.

Sometimes it's good to discover someone is a tw*t in innocuous circumstances like this.

Hassled · 08/03/2011 22:31

Attilla - thanks :)

Original poster

34go · 08/03/2011 22:36

Piggles your way of handling that situation is exactly how I would have handled it! Oh dear!
With the baby group it was that the woman (an NCTer) would always phone me before, 'are you going, if so can I have a lift' so it was fine to give a lift as I could have said no (except who could decline in that situation) but it was about eight miles out of my way and involved a very dodgy carseat (as someone has mentioned) and there was just never any offer of cake, wine, anything though we did it for months- like Piggles I used to wonder what lie I could possibly tell to get out of it, but it would come down to the fact that I really liked this particular baby group and wanted to take ds do I could hardly pretend to not be going. And anyway, I was happy to do the favour, just wished that it could have been acknowledged.
I know this is all a bit petty...!

OP posts:

Original poster

34go · 08/03/2011 22:37

oh hassles I agree- brownies are miles better than money :)

OP posts:

hurricanewyn · 08/03/2011 22:49

Where I've been receiving lifts I would usually offer petrol money, but generally not for a one off. But then I've never had a lift from someone who's gone miles out of their way.
when I had an evening class I used to get a lift off one of the other students. I offered petrol money and the offer was accepted, which was great. this way i felt like it was less of a favour, if that that makes sense.
One of the school mums who lives close by used to drive past us when we were walking to school and started to offer us lifts. Once this became a regular thing, I offered money but it was turned down. I decided to give a few gifts of supermarket gift vouchers. that meant she could either use the vouchers for petrol, food or even clothes if she wanted to.

cat64 · 08/03/2011 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

maighdlin · 08/03/2011 22:55

YANBU. i have noticed more and more the lack of common courtesy with people. i have only taken money for petrol once, but it was a big trip and really doing them a favour. i would take it but its nice to be offered. it would annoy me if i gave someone a lift to somewhere a good bit away and they didn't offer. they are saving money, even a fiver would do. petrol costs a bloody fortune.

felicity10 · 08/03/2011 22:56

Rude not to offer if it is a regular thing, but I had a similar thing years ago - got around it by stopping for petrol on the way with them in the car - that seemed to jog their mind to offer!

maighdlin · 08/03/2011 22:56

meant to be wouldn't take it. ^

nora12 · 08/03/2011 22:57

I think to me it's an issue if it's offered or asked for.

I don't drive and am quite happy to make my way to places.

Sometimes people say, oh come in the car with us. And I say, no it's fine we're used to walking. But they insist and insist and actually I feel quite uncomfortable accepting the lift, usually because it makes the journey uncomfortable for everyone - what with car seats and all. I would be horrified to think they expected petrol money in return. I did once offer to buy a lady who gave me a lift a cake and a coffee and she chose 2 cakes and a latte costing me £12 which I really couldn't afford that day.

Appreciate if would be totally different if someone rang you up and asked for a lift! I have never done that.

usualsuspect · 08/03/2011 22:58

I wouldn't offer for a one off , would for a regular thing ,but would probably decline a regular lift due to petrol offering politics

FunnysInTheGarden · 08/03/2011 22:59

very ungreen, but I never share carspace. Too much hassle. Besides I want to listen to crap radio for 10 mins in the am without the twittering of some lift sharer...........

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