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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBI in thinking that even in jest, making comments about weight at work is not on?

36 replies

onlion · 08/03/2011 20:07

I am overweight. I am also on a weight loss plan but there has been no obvious results yet as its only been 2 weeks. On the exercise bike, cut out all the snacks. Feeling positive.

I was caught up in meetings at work until 3 pm and had nothing since breakfast. I was talking to a colleague who shares an office with my work mate and mentioned I was starving as Id had no lunch and was just off to get my sandwich. The work colleague sniggered and sneered "yeah, cos it looks like you're wasting away". I looked at my friend and she laughed Shock.
I made light of it and just said "well, Im working on it, maybe in a month or two I'll show some results" and made my way out of their office.

I was really upset. AIBU in thinking this is unacceptable , even as a "joke". Im sick of being a target of fun at work.

OP posts:
GastonTheLadybird · 08/03/2011 20:09

YANBU - that's really unprofessional of your colleague, not to mention mean.

Try to stay motivated, don't let the fuckers bring you down!

HeartSkipsABeat · 08/03/2011 20:09

:( Angry

Ah well, at least in a few months you'll be slimmer and healthier and happier.

But they will ALWAYS be rude ignorant twats.

saffy85 · 08/03/2011 20:11

YANBU that comment was mean and uncalled for.

Good luck with your weightloss and don't let nasty fuckerslike this piss on your parade!

patiencenotmyvirtue · 08/03/2011 20:12

God, how very rude of your colleague. Shock

GelflinGirl · 08/03/2011 20:13

Angry one word for them TWUNTS

Lougle · 08/03/2011 20:14

I think that what one person perceives as a sensitive subject, can be seen as something trivial to someone else. When I was younger I felt very ugly. I really did. I had been bullied at school. When I was about 20, I was working as a Care Assistant at a local hospital, and a Staff Nurse jibed one day 'you look like Morticia on that photo'. Now, name badges are never flattering, but I was upset.

I looked the nurse in the eye, and said "I didn't apply to be a model, I applied to be a Care Assistant. So if you would mind keeping your comments to my working performance, I'd appreciate it!' She NEVER commented on my appearance again.

Next time, just say 'Don't make personal remarks, please.', with a pleasant but firm smile. Should stop it.

Salmotrutta · 08/03/2011 20:15

It's a pretty bloody rude thing to say to someone wherever you are, never mind work.

Some people are just pig-ignorant - don't let it get to you.

Horrible that your "friend" laughed Hmm

If people are making fun of you repeatedly then it's bullying/harassment and your HR/Line manager etc. should be consulted.

Original poster
onlion · 08/03/2011 20:16

I must admit I was a bit too shocked to have a snappy remark. I can think of loads now of course lol

OP posts:
NinkyNonker · 08/03/2011 20:17

"Did you mean to sound so rude?"

Salmotrutta · 08/03/2011 20:20

People can be utterly awful at times under the cloak of "But I was just having a laugh!" as if that makes it all OK.

Cruel ba----ds will always enjoy other peoples' discomfort. I can't abide folk like that.

picturerail · 08/03/2011 20:25

How rude! I work in the bitchiest office ever but no one would ever go there, critcizing people's work, manner etc is one thing but appearance is a huge no no. It may have been intended as a light hearted comment but it's completely unprofessional. Don't put up with it again. If he (was it a bloke?!) says anything similar again pull him on it as Lougle did with her colleague & let him know it's unacceptable.

Original poster
onlion · 08/03/2011 20:25

yes it was a bloke

OP posts:
bettybosseye · 08/03/2011 20:25

YANBU, a really rude and mean thing to say in any situation. Don't be too hard on your friend though, they probably laughed out of discomfort and were trying to make the moment pass.
Good luck with your weight loss plan. Smile

Honeybee79 · 08/03/2011 20:27

YANBU. Utterly offensive. How did you respond?

Keep up the good work. I know how tough it is as I'm also trying to shift 2 stone of baby weight at the moment.

RevoltingPeasant · 08/03/2011 20:27

YANBU.

I also hate people who 'compliment' you (well, me!) on weight. I used to work with a woman who was always giving me the once-over and then congratulating me on having lost weight (I hadn't). I don't know if she thought that was a compliment, or if I was trying to lose weight or what.... I am size 12 and not titchy but it made me massively paranoid!

People should keep weight-related comments to themselves.

SeeJaneKick · 08/03/2011 20:30

I think you should tackle her about it in front of others...preferably your boss or manager!

Say "By the way...tht comment you made about my being overweight yesterday in your office really hurt my feelings. Just wanted to let you know that it's not on to laugh at someone's weight."

Do it! Rude beast she sounds.

hugglymugly · 08/03/2011 20:34

Remember that people who make those kinds of remarks will do so because they're nasty and mean, and have no value or significance for you.

Whatever anyone's weight, going from breakfast to 3 pm without some sustenance is not sensible, but I know from experience that sometimes that's how it works out in the workplace (but, of course, it shouldn't).

People who think that all that overweight people need to do is not eat are simply displaying their ignorance.

That colleague will no doubt continue to be ignorant, both in her behaviour and knowledge. You, however, are already on the path of knowledge and effectiveness and confidence.

Just to reinforce what you've already said: it isn't acceptable, it isn't a joke, and you should not be a target of fun at work. Keep on being strong, but maybe a word with a manager/HR would be useful.

MadamDeathstare · 08/03/2011 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

picturerail · 08/03/2011 20:42

Knew it would be a bloke. That's the sort of comment my DB says to me & although he means it as a joke it just grates on me. At a family party recently a relative was talking about weight watchers & he turned to me & said "You could do with joining that" in front of half the room. Your colleague probably meant it as banter but as I said before don't let him get away with it again. Good luck with the weight loss.

MadamDeathstare · 08/03/2011 20:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Zingylemontart · 08/03/2011 20:45

My favourite is "I may be fat, but you are a wanker, and I can go on a diet". At a size 24 it gets a bit of use. Smile

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 08/03/2011 20:46

Is this a friend or a colleague, or both? You refer to them as a friend but you work with them. I can see that you'd be a bit affronted as you're already working on your weight, but this is the sort of banter that goes on at work. I've heard the same thing said to a normal weight colleague previously.

If this is a good friend/colleague, maybe have a word with them and ask them not to make jokes about your weight as it hurts you. I'm sure it wasn't intentional.

heylottie · 08/03/2011 20:51

The man who runs the canteen at my work tends to bellow 'Alright Slim?' at me. In front of others, several times a week.

Telling him not to didnt put him off

So am now doing a sponsored slim with Slimming World, and I made sure his was the first name down on the list 'seeing as you always remark on my weight.'

It was very satisfying, and I felt like I had regained 'control' IYSWIM

nenevomito · 08/03/2011 20:55

Rude sods!

Sorry your friend was a bit crap as well.

Rannaldini · 08/03/2011 20:56

raise a grievance as it's bullying

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