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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that a 'stranger' 'pretending' to tell off a 2 year old is unacceptable?

35 replies

KeenBean · 08/03/2011 10:46

I went to dinner at someone's house yesterday. It was very kind of them to cook for us. At one point my 2 year old DD spilt some milk on the floor. The guy that had cooked the dinner (very tall) towered over her and said 'did you do that? you will have to clear it up then..' in a very stern voice. She was terrified and cried and hid her face for about half an hour. He was only joking; but doesn't everyone know that 2 year olds are incapable of discerning that?

OP posts:
LaWeasel · 08/03/2011 10:53

He was joking.

She has forgotten about it by now, so should you. YABU.

ZZZenAgain · 08/03/2011 10:55

I know you are upset but honestly look around MN, when you are out and about with little dc, you can encounter people who are intentionally really nasty to your dc for no good reason. He was joking, he made a mistake but he meant no harm.

bibbitybobbityhat · 08/03/2011 10:55

"but doesn't everyone know that 2 year olds are incapable of discerning that?"

well quite obviously this guy didn't.

But, you know, not everyone has children or knows any children and even some people who do have children wouldn't know that.

squeakytoy · 08/03/2011 10:56

Most two years olds would just giggle at something like that. YABU

JeremyVile · 08/03/2011 10:57

No big deal, he was being light-hearted but it misfired. Easily done.

Blu · 08/03/2011 10:57

It was a joke that mis-fired. 'Unacceptable' is way over the top.

thumbwitch · 08/03/2011 11:00

Depends how obvious it was that he was joking, I suppose. My Dad has a habit of going OTT with very little children - things that 5yos would be fine with he does to 2yos, who are not always fine. "Joke" tellings off, big bear roars, chasing with monster faces - my DS isn't particularly sensitive but he was terrified and it took 3 days to calm him down when we were staying with Dad after one of those episodes.

See how your DD is with him next time. They don't all forget that easily.

PixieOnaLeaf · 08/03/2011 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Desperateforthinnerthighs · 08/03/2011 11:22

He was joking!! Some people are not very good with kids so no, not everyone knows that. Until I had my DS I was crap!! YABU

Bucharest · 08/03/2011 11:22

Actually, I don't think YABU.
My Uncle, (dd's great uncle) is always "having a laugh" and telling her she needs her "bum smacking" (he's in his late 70s) He thinks he's hilarious, she is 7 and still hates going there.

ZZZenAgain · 08/03/2011 11:23

I was wondering why she was eating with a stranger. How in fact she managed to get a stranger to cook for her and dd. I like the idea of wangling that - without the scare tactics.

That man sounds like a twit bucharest

Original poster
KeenBean · 08/03/2011 11:25

pixieonaleaf - it wasn't a stranger as such, just a relative stranger to her - i.e. not a close friend/relative.

the gist seems to be that i am being unreasonable. i am oversensitive about it I guess...but she did look terrified! she is not a shy/quiet child.

thanks. will try to get over it.

OP posts:
JBellingham · 08/03/2011 11:28

Call the authorities, its disgraceful! He should be on a register!!!

worraliberty · 08/03/2011 11:28

It's no-one's fault if she looked terrified. It's probably just the stage she's at with unfamiliar people. He could have said "What's your favourite colour" and scared her.

She'll grow out of it.

Ormirian · 08/03/2011 11:29

YABU.

Original poster
KeenBean · 08/03/2011 11:34

I like this format, even if it has made me feel that I am uptight!

OP posts:
corygal · 08/03/2011 11:47

YABU. So was the 2-yr old. Most kids wouldn't feel terror and hide for half an hour.

PixieOnaLeaf · 08/03/2011 11:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

MrsH75 · 08/03/2011 11:53

I never do this to kids- I can still remember feeling ashamed and embarrassed at age 7 at a family party when someone "told me off" for drinking ginger ale. I wouldn't make a fuss of it, but I think it's particularly insensitive with two year olds who are completely literal.

JeremyVile · 08/03/2011 11:56

Cory - you cant say a 2yo is unreasonable...you just can't! Grin

Has ainu just reached a new low?

Tortoiseonthehalfshell · 08/03/2011 12:04

I'd be pissed off. My two year old crying and hiding for half an hour would mean she was seriously upset, and if yours is like mine it would be brought up for weeks; she's not particularly clingy or sensitive, but when she is scared of things she remembers them over and over ("no crocodiles in my bed? No crocodiles will bite me? Not in my room? Not downstairs? Crocodiles in your bed? Crocodiles in the house? No crocodiles bite you too?"). It's not immaterial that someone scared your small child badly.

That said, it does sound like it was totally accidental, not that he was taking it upon himself to be a stern type who is Taking Your Child In Hand. So I think you just need to move on.

Blu · 08/03/2011 12:08

He was OTT, and he will probably be more sensible / perceptive next time...It was unfortunate. Everyone lives and learns.

LDNmummy · 08/03/2011 13:34

My niece is quite sensitive and I have done the same to her before. It is not intentional and some children do not react that way so maybe he wasn't expecting her to take it seriously.

I would just let it go.

LDNmummy · 08/03/2011 13:36

Actually, saying that, it does depend on the actual tone of voice so unless I heard it I suppose I can't judge.

corygal · 08/03/2011 15:49

Yes I know I was being a bit OTT Jeremy - but on the other hand, so two-year-olds are more emotional than others... and how on earth can you tell by looking at them?

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