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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know IABU, but feel very sad that DC3 will be DD3 and I will never have a baby boy.....

49 replies

littlejobbie · 07/03/2011 16:20

13 weeks with DC3, we are thrilled to bits after a MC and various other traumas and I was so so happy to see that baby looked healthy - and then the sonographer said she thinks its DD3 (she was right at 13 weeks with DD1 and DD2) and all of a sudden my total joy bubble was burst... Joy is still there,underneath, but feeling completely overwhelmed by sadness at never having a baby boy and can hardly bear to hold my friends baby boy for sadness! Ridiculous!! I need a cure for this lunacy - or at least to be told if its normal/abnormal/how long its going to last. I am shocked by how upset I feel, when I know its totally unreasonable and I should just be happy that I have conceived, baby looks healthy etc etc We certainly didn't set out to have DC3 with the wish to have a boy but if I had had to guess before US I would have said this was a boy as pregnancy has been so different and fits so many OWT for a boy - so I think I just got boy in my head and now need to come to terms with 3 pink ones! Please help me sort my head out so that I don't send unwelcoming vibes to this (much wanted) DD3...

OP posts:
Mumwithadragontattoo · 07/03/2011 16:28

You're allowed to be a bit disappointed as long as you realise the most important thing is a healthy baby. It won't matter that your DD doesn't have a penis when you hold her in your arms for the first time. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I don't think it's unusual to have a preference by the way and I guess you are sort of mourning the son you might have had. But please try to put that thought out of your head reasonably quickly and enjoy your pregnancy. Also focus on the positive of having 3 the same gender such as saving on clothes and to an extent toys, fact that they can share a room as they get older if necessary, more likely they will go to the same activities etc.

LaWeasel · 07/03/2011 16:35

This kind of thing is totally normal. I imagined DS and cried when I found out it would be DD.

It really doesn't make any difference once they've arrived, please don't worry about it or think you are a bad parent for having an opinion!

I always recommend baby clothes shopping as a cure. I bet you've got loads, but there'll be new unreasonably adorable things in stores right now... Grin

carocaro · 07/03/2011 16:40

YANBU

I cried in the car on the way home when we found DS2 was another boy. I was sad for 2-3 days, than it was all OK, I think I was mourning for not ever going to have that mother-daughter relationship I have with mym Mum now, we are close and talk a lot. The things that matter to me in my life are now so overtaken with that initial disappointment.

But then I thought about friends who had never been able to have children and I am gratefull for having to happy healthy DS's who sleep by choice together every night; both are so very different. I do however love to buys girly things for birthday presents etc.

So no YANBU at all, it's a feeling you can't help, so just let it sink in and deal with it and then move on.

Hey maybe we could swap kids once in a while, you could get used to things being thrown or kicked at you on a daily basis, piles of sticks in the front and back garden and endless watches of Star Wars!

needafootmassage · 07/03/2011 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 07/03/2011 16:46

YANBU, I'd have had DC3 had there been any guarantee it would be a DD. But there isn't, so I had two sons, and now a grandson - and yes, I hoped he'd be a DGD but it wasn't to be. (And, of course, he's gorgeous! Grin)

It's natural to feel a bit sad, but that feeling will pass. :)

risingstar · 07/03/2011 16:49

ah i know what you mean.

with dc3, i always said that if we could pick one off the shelf it would be blue.

i wanted to find out sex at scan, dp didnt.

in all the excitement of the birth, we were overjoyedto have a healthy girl. still find it hard to beleive that we will never have a son. bet we end up with 9 grandsons and wishing for a grandaughterGrin

chipmonkey · 07/03/2011 17:25

Do you know there is another equal and
opposite thread on this at the moment [here]

rising, my aunt's MIL had seven sons, My aunt had 3 girls and one boy. Bet you get loads of dgs's!

chipmonkey · 07/03/2011 17:30

sorry [http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pregnancy/1164224-Just-found-out-that-I-am-having-a-third-boy here]] Blush

chipmonkey · 07/03/2011 17:31

gah, I 've forgotten how to work Mumsnet here

YellowDinosaur · 07/03/2011 17:32

Nothing wrong with having a preference or being disappointed if dc isn't the flavour you preferred. What would be wrong is to not get over this or for dc to ever know that you were ever disappointed. This is why I think if there is the slimmest chance you are going to be disappointed with one or the other you should find out the sex in advance so that you can be sad but then get over it before the birth.

I have 2 boys and we actively tried to influence the sex to make ds2 a girl. And I thought I would be disappointed but actually in the run up to the 20 week scan I started thinking about how nice it would be for ds1 to have a brother (they are pretty close in age) and although I prepared myself to be disappointed coming up to the scan actually I was really pleased. And looking at him now (while I am typing this he is watching balamory dressed as diego and we are about to go and cook tea together) it is hard to believe I thought a dd would be better!

I am done with my 2 but funnily enough if we were to have a third I think I would choose a 3rd boy this time!

issey6cats · 07/03/2011 17:36

all three times i was pregnant (no scans then to find out in advance) i wanted a girl, i got my wish with the middle one and of course i love all three of them and each one of my kids has a daughter and sons so i now have eight grandchildren three of whom are girls so you are not been unreasonable

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 07/03/2011 17:41

yanbu
when i was pregnant with dc2, after having had dd1, i actually wanted another girl. but even then when the sonographer told me i was having a girl, i felt a pang of sadness as i realised i will never have a son.

dd2 is now here and just delicious Smile.

zebedeethezebra · 07/03/2011 17:46

YABVU - pull yourself together and think yourself lucky that you can have children at all, there's plenty that can't. Try looking at some of the threads on here about people who are having problems conceiving, that might get your head straight.

chipmonkey · 07/03/2011 18:29

That is harsh, zeb.

Just because other people have big problems doesn't mean you can't moan about little ones. There'd be precious little left to say!

celebmum · 07/03/2011 18:37

Yanbu.. You will get past this in a few days tho!

I once went to see a clairvoyant and he told me that I would only ever have boys and to cherish my relationship with my mum as I would not have a girl, I didn't particularly take him seriously tho!! 

When I was pregnant I and every single person I met were convinced it would be a girl.... But I had a boy!! That didn't stop me 'mourning' the baby girl I thought I was having! 

celebmum · 07/03/2011 18:39

Those numbers on previous post are not a secret code.. Was just trying to do emoticons frm damn iPhone! Duh!!

minipie · 07/03/2011 18:53

YANBveryU

BUT please do remember that you can't tell what a boy is going to be like or what a girl is going to be like just from their gender.

Their personality and relationship with you depends on so many things, gender is just one tiny aspect of that.

To the poster who was sad because she had a boy and thought she'd therefore never have the close relationship that she'd had with her own mother - I think you can be just as close with a son as a daughter (indeed many mothers and daughters aren't close) - it all depends on the particular child and parent.

blackeyedsusan · 07/03/2011 18:54

You can't help what you feel, you wouldn't be human to not feel disappointed over things you hope for. I am disappointed that there will be no dc3 even though I also know I am lucky to have 1 and 2. things change when baby is actully here.

whattheheckisthisflaminplace · 07/03/2011 19:01

YANBU

We have 2DD and love them to pieces; I always said I wanted 3 children. In the run up to our 20wk scan with DD2 DH said that he didn't want anymore if it was another girl :(

I know I am so so lucky to have 2 healthy daughters but there is this other part of me who wishes for my final baby, my boy Blush

So no, i dont think YABU in the slightest and CONGRATS

fifi25 · 07/03/2011 19:08

Ive got 3 pink ones. I must admit i wouldnt have another one unless i could have ivf and pick a boy. I think next time if it was a girl i would be disappointed. I had 3 brothers, always wanted a sister and love haveing 3 girls. 4 no way Smile

steviesmith · 07/03/2011 19:08

Its completely irrational but I actually think there's something really special about having three boys or three girls. There are lots of myths and fairy tales with three sisters or brothers.

Rosie29 · 07/03/2011 19:23

I am one of 3 girls, we fought like cats and dogs when younger but I would kill for my older sisters and they'd do the same for me. Your tribe of dds will be wonderful (I am due dd3 any day now). We had a fantastic time growing up together.

zukiecat · 07/03/2011 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pawsnclaws · 07/03/2011 19:29

Whatever your family consists of, you make it special - personality and character comes down to so much more than gender.

I have three boys, all different and all special - yet when they get together they are like their own little gang, it's very sweet to see. Your three girls will all be special individuals and when dd3 arrives you'll realise there's no way you'd swap her for a hypothetical boy! Congratulations!

Original poster
littlejobbie · 07/03/2011 19:29

Ah how wonderful you MNers are!I am feeling much better. Esp likling the magical aspect.. One german lady told me that in Germany there is an expression "house of the three maidens" which is about how special three daughters are - and that's a lovely idea (sure there's one for boys too..). Would love to know the phrase if any German speaking MNers. Thanks allfor being so understanding.

OP posts:
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