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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by this

48 replies

Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 21:36

My dp has gone out tonight with some friends I have never met... Not a problem. We have a ds with severe sn who is demanding u need time out from this

on going I said don't be back too late, he said what's reasonable? I said 2am...bear in mind it was 6pm when he left

anyway I get a call off his phone so I answer and it's his mate.. Who I don't know, telling me they are going to be out till 5am...

Now my problem is this...dp didn't tell me himself, he put me in an awkward situation with his mate who doesn't know me. Made me feel rubbish and I told him such. Then I get a text saying I don't trust him and I'm treating him like my ex (cheating scum)

Him being out wasn't the issue it was the phonecall off his friend. And then tomorrow he'll be sleeping and grumpy all day no doubt. Now we have had a fight and he's gone out I don't even know what's going on. :(

OP posts:
supadupapupascupa · 05/03/2011 21:38

YANBU to be upset about DP coming home at 5am

sourdoughface · 05/03/2011 21:39

where is he going until 5 am

Eglu · 05/03/2011 21:39

I think 2 am would be a reasonable time for anyone to come home. SN childs or not. I would be seriously pissed off if my DH stayed out until 5am.

EmptyCrispPackets · 05/03/2011 21:40

YANBU

I would be fuming

JuicyLips · 05/03/2011 21:41

Yanbu, I'd be pissed about this.

Original poster
Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 21:42

I know 5am is excessive but it's a proper night out... It changed to 3am when I kicked off about his friend ringing me but still. Why didn't he call me himself and why was I made out to be the bad guy??

OP posts:
ShavingGodfreysPrivates · 05/03/2011 21:43

Why didn't he have the balls to phone you himself?

Getting a mate to ring is the sort of thing my 14 year old would do. Bloody odd.

BlueCat2010 · 05/03/2011 21:44

YANBU - if it was me I would be texting to tell him either be in at 2am as arranged or stay out until 8am (or whenever you get up) so you are not woken when he gets in, my reason being that you will have to deal with DS on your own.

I would also be discussing this at a later date, stating that he will not be putting you in the same awkward position again!

Original poster
Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 21:46

Haha bluecat I'm too soft to do that. I wish I could!!! Maybe I should show him this thread when he tells me it was all because 'i don't trust him' again.

Trust isn't an issue. If he screws around, I'll break his tv :) end of lol

OP posts:
CoronaAndLime · 05/03/2011 21:46

Oh,
That must have stung. Sad

Your Dp is of corse UN but theres not a lot you can do about it right now.

Hes had a bit to drink and is being a twat. if hes normaly nice then (even though it feels shit now) it will be ok.

Do either of you get to go out and let off steam much?
I hope you do.

I know its so hard to stay in whilst your Dp is out drinking and being a knobber >>bitter experiance

harecare · 05/03/2011 21:47

You agreed a reasonable time and now he's changed plans. He is being unreasonable clearly. Does he do it often? I encourage DP to have a blow out every few months and can prepare if he'll be out til 5/6, but if it's not been agreed it's out of order.
Also, I can understand him texting you at 12 or even 1 or 2 and saying he'll not be back til later, but why do they need a premeditated plan to not be home til 5am at just 9pm?
You can't have an argument by text. It won't be read properly. Assume he's not coming home til late, make plans so you and the DCs have a nice day and once he's had enough sleep let him know what a shit he's been.
Switch your phone off now, have a glass of wine and forget about DP, he could just be getting egged on by mates who are teasing him for being under the thumb. Don't bother trying to punish him tomorrow by getting him up early/normal time. Plan to go out and see a friend.

BlueCat2010 · 05/03/2011 21:49

You really need to toughen up! My DH would never put me in this position as a matter of courtesy, so why should your partner be any different?

He's using the excuse of you not trusting him as a way of salving his feelings, which is way out of order!

jenga079 · 05/03/2011 21:49

YANBU. That's just bizarre! Why did his mate call? I suppose it could be some weird peer pressure thing.

As for staying out till 5am. I think that's mad too (maybe because I am pregnant and need to be in bed by 10pm or I literally cry with tiredness!!!)

Not much you can do about it now though so I recommend Wine now and vaccuuming the bedroom at approx 8am tomorrow Wink

Original poster
Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 21:50

Thanks corona. I don't get out much, I teach as well and if I let off steam and let go everything gets on top of me and I end up more stressed then I was. Dp goes out Wednesdays to football and is starting boxing again twice a week now which I'm really happy about as he needs time out.

Oh forgot to Mention he then said 'well you come with us then x's bf will mind ds.... X's bf who I don't know... And ds who has severe sn and HATES strangers... Yeh... Usefull...

OP posts:
CoronaAndLime · 05/03/2011 22:01

Sounds like he is getting a fair bit of time to himself already!

You dont need x's bf to mind your ds, you need your dp to up his game and work as a team with you.

Hope you manage to relax a bit tonight
xx

Original poster
Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 22:04

Haha thanks corona. Noone babysits ds especially not while I'm so busy and any time with him is precious (bad regression going on but no diagnoses yet)

OP posts:
CoronaAndLime · 05/03/2011 22:17

Fuck! that bad?

Sorry for your troubles
xx

Pancakeflipper · 05/03/2011 22:20

I'd be cross at the wimpy action of getting his mate to phone.. 12 yr olds do that.

MadamDeathstare · 05/03/2011 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 22:22

Thanks corona but he drew a picture the other day for the first time since his regression (alright it was a circle with sticks coming out of it which was a 'person' but it gave us so much hope! :) and I agree with the 12 yo comment pancake.

OP posts:
Original poster
Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 22:24

Haha madam that's what I would have done! I would have said I want to go out late but I'll do all the cooking alllll week... But then I think he would then have to admit he was in the wrong which in my experience dps don't easily do

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 05/03/2011 22:24

YANBU. Men behaving like naughty teenagers gets right on my tits.

Jaydles · 05/03/2011 22:25

YANBU clearly he knew he was in the wrong by asking his friend to ring!
My mum once went to the pub in her dressing gown to "collect" my dad, that was about 20 years ago though. I would go with the vaccuming at 8am tomorrow morning and arrange a girls night out for the following saturday to see how he likes being abandoned for the whole weekend. That is because I am childish Grin

NonnoMum · 05/03/2011 22:28

I'd say midnight.

Original poster
Serenity788 · 05/03/2011 22:28

Lol jaydles last time he went out proper it was a stag do for my step dad to be... I did the driving and went home. I was told to come back at 12 to collect which I didn't mind as it was for my step dad who is blooy fantastic... However when I got there he was so drunk he barely recognised me then told my step dad he was going to 'tap that later' THAT being me... TAP being...well... I don't think I need to tell you he got a slap that night lol

OP posts: