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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my mum should be ashamed of herself ?

37 replies

macdoodle · 05/03/2011 20:46

Her house is filthy really bogging. I have spent all evening scrubbing the kitchen and gagging. Thing is she is a relatively healthy 65 yr old. A bit overweight and a smoker but no reason she can't clean. She isn't depressed. She doesn't work. I gently pointed out the worst in the kitchen (thick mouldy gunge on the draining board etc) and she just denied it. Absolutely gross. We cannot stay here again.

OP posts:
candleshoe · 05/03/2011 20:48

YANBU - book a hotel in future! Or invite her to yours.

BornThisWayBaby · 05/03/2011 20:51

eww YANBU my mums alwas been a clean freak, i will consider myself lucky Grin

PollyLogos · 05/03/2011 20:51

Is her eyesight oK? my dad's place can get a bit dirty but he has severe visual problems and genuinely can't see the dust and dirt.

Original poster
macdoodle · 05/03/2011 20:54

She wears reading glasses. Cannot see how you could miss it. Everything feels slightly tacky including the carpet. We haven't stayed for ages because of this but its got worse.

OP posts:
cerealqueen · 05/03/2011 20:55

I'm with PollyLogos on this one - I had the same issue with my dad who didn't see any problem. I'd be literally asking him, 'are you blind??'. Turns out he was nearly, he had double cataracts.

cerealqueen · 05/03/2011 20:56

OP, has she always been like this or is it more of a recent thing?

cerealqueen · 05/03/2011 20:57

Sorry, just read your last post. Is is just the house, does she look after herself OK?

Original poster
macdoodle · 05/03/2011 21:01

Honestly she urs always been very scatty and disorganized. She is very lazy. I grew up in south Africa and we always had a cleaner/maid etc. She did grow up here though and moved back when shred left my dad 25 years ago. I truly believe its laziness.

OP posts:
LadyBiscuit · 05/03/2011 21:02

Can she afford a cleaner? Sounds revolting but I'm a bit hysterical about dirt Blush

Original poster
macdoodle · 05/03/2011 21:03

I'm not a clean freak but this is unhygienic its so bad.

OP posts:
BringOnTheGoat · 05/03/2011 21:03

This is really common as people get older (is she a young or old 65?)- they can often become unaware of dirt/mess. It can be a sign of bad eye sight (as with my DF), it can be a sign of demenatia (as with one lady i cared for), it can also just be slipping standards as they become older, more tired or less bothered by things.

Susiewho · 05/03/2011 21:04

Sounds bad, sorry. YANBU.

Original poster
macdoodle · 05/03/2011 21:07

She can't afford a cleaner but she should be able to manage it. It's a small 2 bed. I tried to talk to her and said she could do a room a day every other day she just laughed. The kettle was all sticky and grey. While I was scrubbing it she said oh I've done that. I said when she said oh a few weeks ago. I said she should really just wipe it every day and then it wouldn't need scrubbing.

OP posts:
HecateTheCrone · 05/03/2011 21:07

Don't stay there again.

However, if it is like the later episodes of how clean is your house (iyswim) then it can indicate a mental health problem.

And of course, once you let a house get out of control, it can be hard to know where to start.

Or she may genuinely not care.

You have 2 choices.

Leave her to stew in her own filth and see it as her own problem, and just refuse to go there again

or ask her if she'd like you to organise the clean up for her - you can get specialist companies for this because normal cleaner wouldn't touch it.

then she can employ a daily cleaner, or she can stay on top of it or (more likely) do nothing at all and let it turn to filthy crap again.

LadyBiscuit · 05/03/2011 21:08

She could have someone an hour a week for under a tenner. They could do the bathroom and the kitchen in that time. I don't mind about dust but dirty kitchens and bathrooms are gross

Original poster
macdoodle · 05/03/2011 21:09

I'm a GP. It's not eyes or dementia. She's a young 65 in some ways but old in others. My grans flat didn't get lily this till she was well into her 80's .

OP posts:
HecateTheCrone · 05/03/2011 21:09

x-post with you saying she can't afford a cleaner.

well, it doesn't sound like she cares, does it? I suppose you have to assess whether that is because she is happy to live in filth or whether she has a problem.

Whatever17 · 05/03/2011 21:11

Maybe she is having a bad week?

Sometimes my place is bogging and sometimes it's sparkling. Is it more than this?

BringOnTheGoat · 05/03/2011 21:12

Maybe she's lost her lust for cleaning Grin - know I have!

Original poster
macdoodle · 05/03/2011 21:13

We can't stay again its foul. But I don't like to see her live like this. Thing is she doesn't seem to care. She cleared the front room ish for us but nothing else. I am too busy and too Skint and too far away to make this my responsibility and at 65 I shouldn't have to. There is no reason she can't do it. God knows what it will be like in a few years.

OP posts:
Original poster
macdoodle · 05/03/2011 21:16

This is.much much more than a bad week. I don't like cleaning but basic standards of simple hygiene need to be kept.

OP posts:
brisknorthwind · 05/03/2011 21:21

If she can't afford a cleaner and you have a GP's salary, couldn't you pay for one to come in for her? If it's only a small place it shouldn't cost too much, and it sounds like it bothers you more than it bothers her.

Whatever17 · 05/03/2011 21:22

What do you mean by basic standards - was it messy or vile?

Whatever17 · 05/03/2011 21:24

Ah - just read up the thread - if you are a GP you can afford to get her a cleaner. I know a good nationwide cleaning agency that I use for my parents' place. They are fine, just old, and changing the beds etc is too much for them.

I can't afford it for my own place but it helps keep them ticking over.

Whatever17 · 05/03/2011 21:28

Also, if she has been a "child of the Empire" as were my parents - they just don't get it and you're lucky if they flush the loo.