to want to be warm?

[coldandtired]

(Background information: if my DH lived on his own he probably wouldn?t heat his house. We can afford to heat our house as much as we want. We heat our living room, which is very big and takes a long time to warm up, to 19 degrees. I feel the cold more than DH and would like to heat more but have compromised on this to save energy just as he has compromised on heating at all. We don?t heat very much upstairs. We have 2 small children. )
So, today when we arrived home after a day out it was very cold in the house ? it?s 5 degrees outside and DH had turned the heating off before we went out. I asked DH to turn it on in the cellar (it had clicked off) and light a fire since I was very cold. After some nagging he did both (while I changed and fed DD2). Then, I dozed on the sofa under a blanket (as planned, since I?ve been up since 0430), with my back turned to the heating controls. While I was dozing, he turned the thermostat down to below ambient temperature essentially stopping the heating, so when I got up 45 minutes later, the house was still cold for me: 17 degrees downstairs ( much colder upstairs, but I have given up on that particular front). Am I being unreasonable to think he should have left the heating on so that it warmed up to 19 degrees (our compromise temperature), and that turning it off without discussing it with me (I wasn?t asleep) less than an hour after I had asked him to turn it on was nasty passive aggressive behaviour? (he said he was intending to turn it back on when I woke up).
Off to put the kids to bed but will be back later.

I can't believe you have discussed a compromise temperature for your house.
Tell him you are cold and turn the heating up. If you can afford the bills why are you all living in the cold?

I hate this kind of thing. I really don't get people who want to live in a cold house. It's horrible! We are currently in Finland and our flat is always very warm, haven't taken the temp but it is definitely 23-24 degrees at least. 17 degrees indoors is freezing. And not nice for the children either. I think it's a British obsession this - living in cold houses!

What are you wearing indoors? I am impressed that you think you can measure the indoor temp so accurately.

I feel the cold and my OH does not.

I am sat here with two tee shirts on and two jumpers underneath a blanket folded four ways. The heating is set to 20 and I am not warm.

I think I need to see a doc.

So you can afford the heating but he doesn't want it on. Is this for money or for ecological reasons? Either way I'd think the only way round it that would satisfy you both is to move to a house that is more heat-retentive than yours. (I say move rather than insulate because if it's a stone house like ours, say, there's only so much you can do.)

If moving isn't an option, then I'm on your side. I hate being cold and turn into a hibernating tortoise!

BTW I think plain temperatures don't always tell the whole story. 13C is fine for me in the morning as I'm moving around, and only sit down for 5min to eat breakfast. But in the evening when I'm watching telly, I need about 20. And 17 is OK indoors when it's 14 outside, as draughts are minimal. But 17 indoors when it's 2 outside isn't really enough as draughts creep in and make you feel cold.

Surprised more people don't have this problem. Well not the OP's as such. I mean generally. Think OP's dh's behaviour is awful.
BUT i am cold, dh does not feel it. we have ours set at 19.
My bil would not have the heating on at all given half a chance and they argue.
as do lots of my friends, apparently.
one wantign the temp set lower. some asking to put the heating on and the others saying put on another jumper. that 'kind' of thing.
I know loads and loads of people, for whom this is a basic issue.

I feel for you - our thermostat is set at 22. I feel the cold. Although most of the radiator upstairs are not on as I don't like sleeping in a hot room.

You can afford it, turn it up!
Why should you be cold in your own house.
I struggle with my electric bills (I'm on a meter) but if the house is cold I turn it up.
It's a long winter, surely keeping warm in your owm home is a basic need.

Screw DH, turn it up!!! If you can afford it, then why not? i know it's not that eco-friendly but you have two small children FFS. I hate being cold, and sometimes another jumper doesn't do it - you end up with freezing cold hands and feet instead.

Thanks for the sympathy...

ragged I'm wearing jeans, a long sleeved shirt, a waterfall cardigan (oh dear), socks and slippers. Earlier on I was also wearing a thickish scarf and a blanket, but am sitting by the fire now and slowly shedding layers

planet It's a combination of being-sensible-about-money (we have plenty, but we're naturally careful, DH more than me) and general concern for the planet (again DH more than me, I'm ashamed to say). When we bought the house we knew it would be a black energy hole (enormous windows, impossible to insulate) but fell in love with it. I think you're right though, this is such a big issue for us that we probably should have bought a more energy efficient house. Nothing we can do about it now - we live abroad and the way property tax and prices are, we won't be able to move for at least five years.

I'm sure - like Oblomov - that this is quite a common problem - women feel the cold more than men, especially as we get older [sigh]. The problem for me and DH is that we (or perhaps only DH) seem to have lost all sense of what a reasonable compromise is. Being cold at home is so grim, isn't it? Not sure what I can do to get him to take that seriously (at the moment, I figure he just thinks I'm a bit of a wimp who needs to needs to get more tuned in to the misery of our dying planet)

mrsgetonwithit it sounds like you do need to see the Dr! It's 20 degrees in my living room at the minute and I have a t-shirt and hareem pants on. And I just turned the heating down. We usually have our living room between 17-19 degrees. DH prefers it towards 17, I prefer towards 19.

I don't think it's a simple as 'screw your DH' as some people get uncomfortable at higher temperatures. I find many people's houses too hot. At 20 degrees outside, people are in t-shirts, so I find it hard to understand why so many people heat their house higher than this!

Compromise is the only way on this, I know so many people where it's an ongoing debate in their house.

you can get silvery foily looking things you stick behind your radiator and they reflect the heat lost into the wall behind radiator back into the room. buy him one or 2 of these and tell him to get over it!
Also, tesco/sainsburys/ikea do really cheap (£1-2) warm blankets. cosy and wash well.
(We lived in a grade 2 listed coach house for 4 years, and NEVER warm though we spent about £300 a month on gas-99% used on heating!!)

also, you can get looooads of insulation grants if you have little ones too, so worth looking into

Slightly off tangent;
I don't feel the cold, will have the bedroom window open every night of the year. In my 40's, no not an energy burning young thing
I recently heard on the radio, someone saying that blue-eyed people don't feel the cold as much. I think the presenter was asking folks to call in, but I got caight up in something else. Anyone else heard this? Any truth in it?

You can buy electric over blankets, ave deffo seem em about, they're v cheap to run as well

Aha !! I knew I wasn't imagining things

OMFG

www.argos.co.uk/static/Product/partNumber/4500647/Trail/searchtext%3EELECTRIC+BLANKET.htm I want one !!

I don't feel the cold and our thermostat usually clicks on at 15 degrees, although it is in the hallway, opposite the front door, so doesn't register the proper temp. I wouldn't begrudge anyone turning it up if they were cold though. We don't set it to a certain temp, just turn it on when it's chilly (morning and sundown). Our bills are manageable, quite low really.

If we put the temp to 17 degrees I imagine the heating would rarely click off and we would have £600 bills. He is being unreasonable turning it off less than an hour after he had put it on, the heaters would have barely got up to top temp before being switched off. Would need to leave it on for at least a couple of hours for residual heat to make it comfy.

This behaviour would greatly get on my nerves.

I am blue eyed and don't feel the cold, along with my kamikaze children who only wear a coat rarely, little gits. Most kids round here have a hat and 17 blankets when it is 10 degrees, imagine how scummy I feel walking along with my 2, sans coats in 2 degrees, I get some cats bum mouths I tell you.

I have given up on the coat battle though, they ask for them when they need them, won't die from a little exposure .

I'm brown eyed and feel really uncomfortable at temperatures above about 18 degrees. I've lived with people in the past who've insisted on heating the house to about 25 degrees just so that they could swan around wearing hardly any clothes while I felt like I was going to die because I was too hot and then asked me for £150 quid towards the quarter's gas bill (the bill was about £450 overall for the gas plus she made our electric soar by using an electric heater on top of that - her room was literally like a sauna).

I have zero heating in my bedroom - I am green eyed and brown haired - and constantly fight with my kids over the heating.

I hate it over 19 or 20 and they want it at 23 - 25.

You need to compromise, so he is BU in that respect.

You need to wear leggings (or even tights/jeggings) under jeans. And at least 3 thin tops under two jumpers. A tight thin top next too your skin the most insulating, as a rule. And three pairs of socks, with slippers. Don't be reluctant to wear fingerless gloves, a scarf and a fleecy hat.

Better house insulation is worth looking into, and it almost always pays for itself within 5 years, if not sooner.

Eye-colour discussion is daft, I used to be a perpetually too warm person (wore shorts in winter), now I'm a too cold person (wear 3+ layers all the winter). My eye colour hasn't changed. :)

ragged, you're not serious are you? I didn't wear that many clothes going outside in the freezing weather this winter! I'd only be prepared to wear 3 pairs of socks and 3 tops + 2 jumpers indoors if I were living in a tent.

DH and I have this argument daily. I have had a stinking cold all week and have woken up dithering every morning. The silly sausage turned the bedroom radiator down from 5 to 2 and I didn't realise. Thermostat also turned down to 15 from 23. I am sure this is why my cold is lingering.

It was like bloody Siberia in my living room yesterday!