I was telling my husband that I had caught the chap behind me in the supermarket queue opening his tub of bombay mix and dipping his tongue into it. Chap and I locked eyes, he froze, I looked away and smirked, and he blushed and put his bombay mix back in his trolley. It was quite funny. Not really the greatest anecdote ever told, but not much happens to me these days so it's the best I have.
Anyway, husband totally ignored my brilliant anecdote and asked me what I meant by dipping his tongue into the bombay mix.
I explained. You know, when you have a bowl of something small and dry like bashed up crisps or cereal or bombay mix, and instead of getting your hand all greasy you dip your tongue in and all the bits stick to it and you whip your tongue back into your mouth and crunch.
Husband looked blank.
"Oh COME ON!" I shrieked, "EVERYONE does this"
"What, in the supermarket?" asked my confused husband.
No, not in the supermarket. In the kitchen all alone. When no one is looking. It is not pleasant behaviour, but everyone does it. And that was why my anecdote was mildly amusing - because it is secret, at home behaviour, like picking your nose.
Husband still looked blank. He has never done this in his life. I even went and opened a packet of bombay mix to demonstrate. Other than finding me wildly alluring of course, husband was unmoved.
Is he an alien pretending to be a human? Have I just blown his cover?