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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

38 weeks preg and don't want to traipse across C Lon at peak time

31 replies

sh77 · 03/03/2011 12:13

My close friend is coming from abroad for a trip to London (long weekend). She knows I will be 38 weeks pregnant. She has given me 2 slots to see her (after reminding me that she has a gazillion things and to do and people to see): 5.30 tomorrow or 9am on Saturday at her hotel. She has 2 young children and so I understand she has her limitations. I feel pretty nervous about travelling through C. London on buses and tubes to meet her and asked if she could meet on Saturday or Sunday afternoon closer to where I live but she has not responded. Last time I saw her, she was 5 months preg. and I went to see her at her hotel as that is entirely reasonable. Just not sure how to handle it.

OP posts:

kreecherlivesupstairs · 03/03/2011 12:16

Don't go. I would be very cross that she'd given me two slots when she is available.
Can't she come ot see you at your house?

reddaisy · 03/03/2011 12:18

Say it is too much for you at those times and could she meet you at x,y,z time and pick a nice cafe halfway or something.

If she won't reschedule to suit you then she isn't much of a friend so don't put yourself out for her.

Original poster

sh77 · 03/03/2011 12:23

Thanks. I did suggest afternoon half way but no response. I told her that I get tired very easily. She will be spending most of Friday having her beauty treatments, which I think could could have been scheduled so that I could see her earlier.

OP posts:

solooovely · 03/03/2011 12:24

Has she got the 2 children with her? If she has then it will be just as hard for her to move around London at rush hour as it will you, probably even more, as you only have to keep yourself safe whereas she has 2 little people to hold onto.

Original poster

sh77 · 03/03/2011 12:26

Her kids are being looked after at the hotel by her OH.

OP posts:

Casserole · 03/03/2011 12:28

How far would yo have to travel to see her?

solooovely · 03/03/2011 12:30

It does sound like she has a lot to fit into a short space of time so I can understand her wanting you to come to her. But, if you don't feel up to it (not sure I would either) then you'll just have to say so and stick to it. Then it's up to her if she makes the extra effort or not.

AgentZigzag · 03/03/2011 12:31

If she doesn't want to respond or compromise, then I'd be tempted not to either.

At 38 wks I could hardly haul myself off the setee, let alone across London (where nobody will give up their seat for you going on what's said here ).

How much do you like her??

reddaisy · 03/03/2011 12:32

Then sod that Sh77. Put yourself and your unborn baby first. If she isn't prepared to respond then don't be prepared to tire yourself out for a friend who isn't really a friend anymore.

I went to a concert at 37 weeks 4hours away from home (luckily DP took me) because I didn't want to let anyone down and I wish I had just faced up to the fact that is was too much for me and cancelled. It was too much for me.

LifeInTheSlowLane · 03/03/2011 12:33

Why are you worried about travelling in Central London - do you have a long way to travel from? At 9am it will not be that busy anyway, lots of shops don't open till 9.30-10am and most people travelling in for shopping etc will not get there by 9am.

Original poster

sh77 · 03/03/2011 12:46

Well, I am pretty paranoid/anxious at the mo. My first DD passed away after birth and so I keep thinking what if something happens/goes wrong. Feeling nervous, tired, heavy, emotional. I don't want her to drop everything for me - just compromise by giving me a better time slot and meet me half way.

OP posts:

PicaK · 03/03/2011 12:47

I'd go for the sat morning slot as that's quiet. Take it slow. She's travelled miles already so understand her request to stay put. But also understand how knackered you'll get. Can you splurge on a taxi?

Bilin · 03/03/2011 12:53

If you think that you are going to be physically tired then your friend should try and make an effort to come to see you. If you are worried about going into labour in a public place try not to worry. I think I remember correctly during ante natal classes that labour tends to start at early morning or late evening.

LifeInTheSlowLane · 03/03/2011 12:57

Sh77 - I'm so sorry to hear about your DD . I understand that you must be feeling pretty anxious in that case. Surely your friend must understand that too. TBH I'd go for the saturday 9am because it will be fairly quiet in town then. If you have a long journey to get there which means getting up v.early and your friend is unable to meet you somewhere convenient for you I'd be tempted not to meet up at all, especially if the thought of it all is stressing you out.

Bilin · 03/03/2011 12:58

X posted. Sorry for your loss. Wishing you all the best.

Casserole · 03/03/2011 12:59

I don't think your friend is being unreasonable. She's obviously trying to fit everything in as best she can, and wants to see you. As long as you don't live miles out of London I don't think expecting a small amount of travel at 38 weeks is unreasonable usually.

However in your circumstances I can see that you are feeling particularly fragile and I don't blame you for that one little bit. Can you not ring her and explain why you're feeling so anxious about it? She may or may not be able to rearrange things to find a solution that works for both of you.

kreecherlivesupstairs · 03/03/2011 12:59

In light of what happened to your first daughter, I would definitely not go.
If she is a real friend, she'll know your history and come to you (bearing lots of gifts)

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 03/03/2011 13:00

I wouldn't meet her unless it's on your terms - tell her when you can see her and the place that suits you. People need to accommodate pg women especially so close to term. Yes she has 2 kids but she does have someone to look after them.

So about your DD. Congratulations on this pregnancy.

Honeybee79 · 03/03/2011 13:06

So sorry to hear about your DD. Perfectly understandable that you're feeling anxious and want to take it easy. To be honest I think your mate is being pretty unreasonable under the circumstances.

kerala · 03/03/2011 13:34

So sorry about your DD.

As someone who has never made it beyond 37 weeks I would say dont go. Your waters could break on a bus. My friend had her baby in a cab (true story delivered by cabbie and husband yes she was charged the clear up fee). Dont think a friend that wont leave her DC with her husband to come and see you is worth that trip.

Original poster

sh77 · 03/03/2011 13:58

Thanks everyone - all the advice has really helped. I will give until the evening to see if she responds and then contact her again.

OP posts:

Pixieonthemoor · 03/03/2011 14:02

When I read your first post I was in two minds but now, reading your further messages that her OH is with her and can look after the children and that she has made lots of beauty appts then I am sorry but I think she is taking the piss. You will be very heavily preg - the least she can do is meet you half way!!

meditrina · 03/03/2011 14:02

If you are too tired for outings now, then give it a miss.

If you're undecided, then 0900 on a Saturday isn't necessarily that busy - what is the route you'd have to take?

samjones · 03/03/2011 14:21

Let's get this straight:
Your so called friend, who has 2 children of her own and should
a) understand how bloody knackering it is so close to term, and
b) understand how extra fragile and anxious you might be feeling in the circs,
has booked beauty treatments and has her OH to look after her own DC rather than plan these things around a better way to met up?

I'm sorry but if she was that interested about seeing you then she could sort it out. Don't bother putting yourself at risk for someone like that.

If you are concerned about your friendship then maybe call her and say it simply isn't possible for you to travel like that right now (the exact distance and route is not really the point - the fact is you feel it is a problem), and that you are sure she will understand in the circumstances. Its possible she is so wrapped up in her trip that she hasn't considered it, so perhaps fair to give her a chance, but personally my back would already be up from having been given 'appointment slots' to choose from when that heavily pregnant.

ThreeBubbasAndManyBumps · 03/03/2011 14:24

Does your friend know about your previous los? If she does then she's not being very considerate. Even without your loss, it's sounding quite selfish.

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