to expect to be treated with patience and fairness in a new job

[lololizzy]

Having been laid off full time work last year, have had a huge confidence knock and only been working part time since then (not by choice)..it has taken me all this time to find a new job and i couldn't wait to get started.
This particular company pride themselves on being caring, supportive, a happy place to work etc. This was one of the reasons i wanted to work there as it's not been easy the last year or so, for various reasons.
However..I have started training and the trainer is a complete bully and the most impatient person i've ever met. I am training with one other person so at least it's not one to one.
Myself and the other trainee do have a lot of experience in this line of work but also there is an awful lot to learn about how this particular company do things..hence the training, which i was looking forward to as in the past thrown in at the deep end with too many positions. So we have come into it really to all extents, newcomers and open to starting afresh.
This trainer has told us she hates training and boasted of rows she has with colleagues. She contradicts herself saying she will only explain something once (even if it involves, for eg, lengthy numerical procedures) but then later says 'you won't learn all this until you've had months on the job'. We have noticed she deliberately sets us up to make mistakes.. if this was to deliberately HELP us ie learn from mistakes, fair enough but it is to belittle us. She does it as a power trip so she can criticise. She makes huge mistakes herself but being new we keep our mouths shut. Some though, she's blamed us for!
When the other trainee made a genuinely easy to make error, the trainer stormed off and we were left in a mess and made to look humiliated as without her we could not sort it out. Customers witnessed this. When she came back ages later she said 'i walked off as you had not listened to me'. Yes we had..we just can't take everything in all at once..it is only our second day, training is for two weeks! (is this an example of passive aggressive behaviour..her walking off i mean?)
We are scared to ask her for help. So far we've tried to shrug it off and smile and put a brave face on when she is nasty but i feel like leaving and i know the other woman does.
We can't go to HR as she's friendly with the HR woman. We know when complaints have been made (not by trainees as far as we know..but we do know many left in the training stage! she admitted this) but by staff, and the complaints were apparently 'thrown out'. Also how can newcomers on a probation period, make a complaint about a manager/ trainer's attitude?
She has also accused me of ridiculous things, which is upsetting as i am new and can't prove anything although i know she is lying.
I don't want to quit, i so wanted this job but i am a bag of nerves. I know i won't be working with her after the training and so should grit my teeth and carry on. My confidence is knocked only two days in. I know if she is like this tomorrow i will however want to leave and not go back.
The ironic thing is that the manual says to welcome newcomers!
I have been bullied badly in the past and ironically also getting harrassment from a neighbour at the moment. The neighbour is a bit mentally ill (another neighbour has had to get a harrassment order out against her) and i am beginning to think this trainer is too. It's like I'm a magnet or something!
The other trainee says she does not need to work (ie financially), merely wants to so it wouldn't be skin of her nose to just quit the training. I however do need to work.
It has taken me so long and i can't believe this is happening two days in!

sorry so long

There are volunteers at her workplace and she talks to them like absolute dirt too.

how much will you have to do with her when you have finished training?

IF fuck all or very little I would keep your head down and get on with it tbh. You need the job and its only 2 weeks. HOrrible behaviour that shouldn't be happening but not worth risking your job over for 2 weeks.

Oh you poor thing. Do you know who you will be working with after your training? Can you find out a bit while you are training. It might be a case of gritting your teeth to get through it with the hope of a sympathetic colleague to help you out when you're in your job properly.

If you can, do tough it out. Don't let the bitch win. You may be able to make a complaint later.

YANBU. Sorry to hear your new job isn't what you hoped.

However, give it a bit longer... two days is nothging.

I would go to HR. How do you know she is truly 'friends' with the HR rep if you are only 2 days on the job? A professional HR Manager should rise above personal relationships and do the best for the company.

It reflects very badly on the company AND costs them money if people leave shortly after joining.

Or could you just stick up for yourself with the trainer? If you have been bullied in the past this might be difficult, I realise. Just a calm comment to show that you're not prepared to be pushed around.

That happened to me a few years ago. It's so horrible. Peopl had taken this women to tribunals and she always won . I cried most nights at home. She did get better when I became more competent. And it was a relief when I realised loads of people hated her. I didn't stay long as I had been offered other work, it was a casual job.

I felt so pathetic not standing up to her bullying but you are in such a vulnerable position when you are on probation. She used to say she liked it when people asked questions but then ifcyou did she snapped she had explained it yesterday. It gives me shivers thinking about it.

So sorry for you.

I won't be working with her. If i quit now, I let myself down. It is a charity..ironic, i know!
If i quit, if i don't get paid, i've wasted my time. Including four hours a day travel to do this. I've hung out for months to get this job and so much formfilling and police checks and waiting to hear etc etc. If i did get paid, i'd have wasted a charity's money. [sad}
Have had a very bad time lately with lots of worries, don't know if i have the strength for this on top of all that (have not obviously mentioned recent problems, and won't.What i mean is, i've shown enthusiasm and def NOT appeared vulnerable in any way ie easy target).
The other trainee is really tough, but it's upsetting her - she doesn't need the money,but like me she wanted the job and was attracted to a company that prides itself on ethics and a supportive workplace! She is in her 60s (like the trainer) and very much, been there done that..and she was nearly in tears today.
Would've thought the trainer would've at least shown respect to a woman her own age.
Trainer told us she is looking forward to 'reading the riot act' to a staff member tomorrow. She is def on a power trip!

Mos, they may not be proper friends but this trainer was saying about a recent complaint about her. A customer had complained to HR about how she was seen treating a volunteer.
She was boasting to us about how the HR woman was on her side and also how the assistant manager who handled the complaint was getting a massive bollocking off both of them. Maybe they're not friends but she seems to assume HR woman must be all pally with her for believing her side..
Nice that they take customers so seriously...

I can't complete the training without her. Only she can sign me off each stage of it and then the final two weeks. Without that i am not taken on. I'm a bag of nerves and of course making mistakes as she's either watching over me being nasty, or deliberately disappears when i'm doing something tricky/brand new!
We have noticed she has set us up in a few ways. How spiteful!
It's crazy as i'm normally so competent. I havent acted like a know it all as this company very different so like i said, acting like a newbie..however i have managed a shop for the last decade singlehandedly! She thinks i havent done anything before and i pretty much let her think that so she could mould me to their ways..not like i pissed her off saying 'my old job this my old job that', i was very mindful not to do that!

Thinking about your options, either

• you complain, higher up the company if necessary. Some reasonable and factual feedback on your experience to her boss perhaps
• or you put up with it for the sake of keeping the job you want
• or you leave

Sounds like you are emotionally depleted at the moment and not really up for a battle. I guess this will influence how you decide to act.

Maybe you should tell her about your previous experience. Not in a know it all way, but just a simple statement. She sounds a bit delusional and insecure tbh, I bet she has issues of her own. Bullies seem to.

Sorry you're going through all this, it is a horrible thing so soon into the job.

She was particularly evil all this afternoon to the point of public humiliation.. this was after she'd told us that a colleague had got her into trouble 'by passing the buck' over something. So she took it all out on us.
She is a very bad representative of this charity and all they stand for.
I feel sick and shaky and it's only day two! If i can't sleep tonight because of this i'm not going to be fit to take another day of this! How can i learn new things like this.

lizzy, so sorry about this. I am close to someone who worked in charity and who had a similar problem. My friend said he felt like because it was a more 'friendly, volunteer-based' atmosphere as opposed to a resolutely 'professional' one, nutty people like his manager (and your trainer) get away with stuff they wouldn't in some slick corporation.

My advice would be: start keeping a diary of every unprofessional thing she does. If possible, get your workmate to sign it off with you regularly. And remember that it's 2 weeks, which is 10 days, and you've done 2 days already, so you'r 20% of the way through. Keep your head down and try to stick it for 8 more days.

Then spend the first couple of weeks out from under her thumb doing your job well. Get some goodwill going on. THEN mention it someone. You are bound to have a mentor or similar. Just say, 'I'm so pleased things are working out, cos I was a little put off by TrainerBitch in the first couple of weeks....'

And if the worst comes to the worst, you have that log as evidence of her lack of professionalism. You can use that.

I'm with revolting peasant. hang in there lizzy

I will record it.
I don't know how i will feel tomorrow and hope i can find some strength. The last few weeks have been testing with bad news etc. However..i can honestly say, i would still be posting this thread even if the last few weeks had been wonderful.
The other trainee said she'd had a great 2011 till walking in there. And she wanting to quit before i was talking about it.
When i get placed where i am meant to be, of course i could hate THERE..but there's every chance i could love it..there's NO reason to think things would be bad there. If i quit now, i'll never know.
But if this woman pushes me to breaking point.......... I should say, i'm extremely tolerant and patient. But everyone has their snapping point.

Revolting, sadly it must be very true. A main point about this company is working with 'vulnerable adults' ie volunteers with mental and physical disabilities. There are policies on non discrimination, bullying and harrassment. How scary, then, that some abuse this and HR would support them. As i viewed today with this woman's treatment of volunteers, and knowing a complaint had already been ignored.

lizzy, my sister got, shall we say, forcibly resigned from a teaching job working with young children by just such a manager as this. I think there's a small minority of quite nasty bullies in places like these because they are working with vulnerable 'customers' who won't talk back and because most people who work there will be decent (read: easy to push around).

:(

But my friend stayed on, stuck it out, and a few months later there were too many complaints to hide it anymore. She got the boot, my friend is still there after 3 years. I say take it one day at a time for 8 days - just think by the 12th you'll have seen the back of her!

I second taking notes. Of everything she says. If she comments, remind her that she said that she will only say things once and that you have also decided that it would be helpful to have a reminder of her words of wisdom to refer to in the future.

Writing down everything, including her crazy comments, will not only provide you with a record of her behaviour in case you are in a position where you either want or have to make a complaint, but may also help you mentally deflect her comments so they do not have such personal impact. By writing them down it might make it easier to see how absurd they are. You could even challenge your fellow trainee to a game of crazy bingo.

Good luck with it though. I have worked with someone similarly awful and do know it is really tough. The reason that she is in charge of the trainees is probably because no-one will work with her once they know what she is like!

Other worry is..i stick it out but don't learn enough to be competent in new job ie nerves frayed/all gone in one ear and out the other/can't put it into practise into my new workplace..
having said that...if she fails me on the training, which she could..will i get that far?
This is nuts, I'm a grown woman!! I have managed teams of staff and shops and library etc in the past! I feel like a 16 yr old being terrorised in my first job!

I'm very angry for you and the vulnerable people she is bullying.

It sounds like you've had a tough time of it recently what with one thing or another - but remember you've survived it without going under because you're strong. Keep reminding yourself of that.

As others have advised, make notes, stick at it til you're in a stronger position, then by-pass HR and go straight to the board of governers.

(And the next time she's nasty you can smile at the thought of the day you all say 'good riddance' to the bitch.)

update..finished day four, six more to go, am finding it really really hard.. Feel ill with stress. Am making a lot of mistakes because she is making me a bag of nerves.
I've had jobs way way harder than this and often not made mistakes even in the beginning (or if i did, it was expected, treated with respect and understanding and i'd learn from tbem).
The mistake making here, makes me more stressed and so on..vicious cycle,then more are made..
Basically because she will watch me do something and it's the very first time i've ever done this in my life..be it an invoice or procedure and she'll say 'i see you are finding this really difficult' . She visibly enjoys seeing me struggling, her smugness and lording it up is so apparent, and then she will vanish..deliberately.So i struggle on with no help. It's all a power game. Later she'll return and ask why it has not been finished. She will make me feel very small and stupid bear in mind i'm a good foot taller than her, i'm not joking!!
I am expected to remember everything the first time around..regardless of how complicated and how alien it is to me. If i ask for a re cap she snaps my head off.
I am zapped of all strength and feel shakey. I don't know how i can find the energy to get through tomorrow and next week. I am not having a break Sunday as will be doing a day's work elsewhere (for my long time job) although that will of course seem like a holiday compared to this!
I want to do this and not let her win but she's going to break me soon..
Also she is a massive liar and has various little scams going all to cover her humungous arse. (sneaky, crafty things) And..she makes shocking mistakes! ones that cost the company money! and she's been their years! This should make me feel better but doesnt as it doesnt make her easier on me and i cant let on that i'm on to her..

that should be, 'there years', am too exhausted to think straight right now!

lizzy, do try taking notes in her presence. And six more working days is 48 hours. You can deal with 48 hours.

Before you do anything, even if she is watching, stop. Breathe. Think. Then do it.

Also, challenge her: when she says, 'I see you find this difficult', STOP what you are doing, look at her, and say, 'Why do you say that?' or 'No, I don't. I'm just learning it.'

Good luck and do update next week.

she did something bordering on fraudulent today to get herself out of a disciplinary! would love to shop her but can't as i'd get reputation for being trouble maker and may have to work with her again but it's oh soooo tempting!
she is a nasty person, she is also a dishonest person. I hope she gets her comeuppance but as she has been there many years i doubt it..
Also she cannot train properly . By that i mean she can barely train at all. Even is she were nice, that would be the case. It worries me all this is a waste of time and i will walk into new job totally incompetent.

She's an insecure bully! and I'm willing you to keep going - please draw on whatever strength you have. The liklihood of this person being deeply unhappy is very high and usually in these scenarios you learn over time how much they are disliked by others.
Try not to project your worries of what may happen after the training (I know that will be hard) just take one day at a time and think you haven't come this far in life through all the hard times to give up on something you wanted because of someone who probably hates herself deep down.

Two weeks will come and go - stay focused on the bigger picture, rooting for you

thanks, Iron and i may not be a mama but need to borrow some of your Ironwill if that's ok!
She is VERY insecure as i found out...i was sat in her office when she took a call from the area manager who had interviewed me/ gave me the job sent me into the lions den - i asked if she wanted me to leave the room so she could talk in private , she said no so of course i listened in as i couldn't exactly NOT hear!..she was put on the spot as the AM was obviously asking about me and the other trainee..she said we were 'nice' (hmm bit vague,that?!) and they made smalltalk etc...after she came off the phone she asked me how she had sounded.. ie 'did i sound alright talking to her, did i say the right things' etc etc! (umm how do i know? i met the woman once and was being interviewed)!
Talk about insecure! So she was, at that precise moment, showing vulnerability to me, a trainee.. I could've thought 'well at least you're human' but minutes later she was being evil again!
Also i got in late today..travel includes numerous trains plus quite a bit of walking...one of the trains delayed so i was an hr late. I did ring. It took me 3 hrs to get in, i had a splitting headache and was exhausted before i'd even got there. She made it quite clear 'well you know you are still getting paid for a full day' and was very put out about it (even though she doesn't pay me)! I know that would be bad (that scenario) once i start the proper job but a/this is the training and the job advert never mentioned training being so far away..they should make allowances, i'm travelling 4-5 hrs a day, the other lady 6-8 a day which is ridiculous (just to arrive knackered and spend a day with misery guts) b/ i would never take a job that involved so much travel ..of course i was prepared to for the training (didnt have a choice) but really they should be fair if train is delayed, if they know how far you come? AIBU? do i enjoy having NO time to myself all day as i get home and its pretty much time to leave again?! c/ my actual job placement is down the road! walkable!
I offered to stay late but she said no, all martyr-ish. She told a volunteer to tell me i could only have ten min lunch. I nearly left because of that.. last straw. Having that long journey in doesnt make me less hungry just cos i got in late and have a shorter working day! I took 30mins as i had to buy something to eat/ eat it/ go loo/ make urgent phonecall ..i was expecting the riot act when i got back but she was silent...but certainly worse all afternoon.