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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

being called names by my dp is hurtful?

48 replies

mummylouise · 02/03/2011 19:59

Tonight karate night - dp normally takes kids, having been going past couple of wks as my little boy needs a bit of encourgement. Tonight after rushing to get tea ready and kids changed dp asks if i'm going, i said yes and he said well u can take them. I replied that i thought us going together to encourge all three - they have a grading coming up. He started shouting asking why i couldn't go myself and saying i was needy and pathetic. I took kids, them returned did some stuff in house. He decided he wanted to come to get them - but we are not speaking. Feel bit hurt at names - i was a single mother for 6 years and won't consider myself needy or pathetic. Am i over reacting???

OP posts:
Dozer · 02/03/2011 20:05

Yanbu. Don't stand for that kind of labelling. Hope wasn't in front of the dcs.

Sounds like he just couldn't be arsed to go, felt bit bad about it, and took it out on you.

Though in general think is good for parental relationships to share out the going-with-kids, as means one person gets bit of time, rows often happen when one or both partners not getting this.

FreudianSlippery · 02/03/2011 20:08

YANBU does he often do this? As you were a single mum do you mean he's not their dad? Sorry he's said that to you Angry

LadyOfTheManor · 02/03/2011 20:09

YANBU, it was a bit mean.

If I put too much make up on my dh calls me a "gypsy faced ***". Jokingly of course. Hmm

Rhinestone · 02/03/2011 20:10

Wow he sounds like a right charmer.

Did you challenge him and tell him not to speak to you like that? You should have.

Original poster
mummylouise · 02/03/2011 20:11

was in front of kids
he isn't their dad no

OP posts:
BuzzLiteBeer · 02/03/2011 20:12

time to be single again I would think.

PeterAndreForPM · 02/03/2011 20:14

dump him

no-one would speak to me like that esp in front of my kids

Original poster
mummylouise · 02/03/2011 20:14

i did shout back - i didn't lie like a doormat and take it. but this seems to be his thing when he gets shouty just calls names. think he is prob annoyed that i have spent the best part of 2 days in bed - i have a cold which because of my other health probs has completly floored me - headaches and sinus pain.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 02/03/2011 20:15

and he still didn't offer to take the kids ?

twat

you need to stop the stand-up rows in front of the kids though

that is easily done however...just give him his marching orders

kitchensync · 02/03/2011 20:16

YANBU he is a shit.

Original poster
mummylouise · 02/03/2011 20:16

we do get on, he works from home so are together most of the time. maybe thats the prob too much time together!

OP posts:
TotalChaos · 02/03/2011 20:17

Yanbu, he sounds quite the charmer, think the dump him posters are probably right.....

Original poster
mummylouise · 02/03/2011 20:19

i do love him and am prob not the easiest person to live with - a comb of being on my own and my exh.
But is this what i have to do to get my point across start with the name calling??

OP posts:
Original poster
mummylouise · 02/03/2011 20:23

i don't want to leave just can't understand how something so minor as a karate class can decend (sorry sp) into an arguement where no one is speaking apart from the kids!

OP posts:
privategodfrey · 02/03/2011 20:23

I think you should sit down and talk to him an a calm and rational manner.

Explain how it makes you feel to be called names and how inappropriate it is to shout at you in from of the DCs. Tell him that it is not something you are prepared to accept and that he needs to moderate his behaviour or he's out on his arse.

PorcelinaOfTheVastOceans · 02/03/2011 20:26

sounds completely OTT considering you only asked him to come with you Confused

if he's not your DH, and not your kids' dad, then personally i agree with marching orders. but then it's easy for someone who's not in your position to say that. hope you can sort something out OP, don't let him make you feel this way!

MotherNight · 02/03/2011 20:29

Have you both spoken calmly with each other about the name calling? Him doing this in front of your children is damaging. Both to you and them.

Original poster
mummylouise · 02/03/2011 20:29

will trying talking when kids r in bed. was in tears when got kids from karate and - hate to cry, makes me look weak.

thanks for all your comments

OP posts:
pigletmania · 02/03/2011 20:37

Oh mummylouise is that what he is making think that you are weak Angry Sad you sound quite trodden on tbh, thinking you are the one to blame. How often does this happen? If it is regular and not a one off than like others have said, you need to reassess your relationship as he doesnt sound too nice from where i am standing. It is one thing to shout at each other, but to put down the person time and time again is not on.

MadamDeathstare · 02/03/2011 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigletmania · 02/03/2011 20:39

You are not weak why should you think like that. I would try talking to him, but if it keeps happening you know what to do. I would rather be single than put up with what you are enduring. Its also not good for the kids to hear their mum being put down like that.

Original poster
mummylouise · 02/03/2011 20:43

most of the time he is fine - it just whenever he starts shouting.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 02/03/2011 20:44

how often is that mummy do you want to be with someone who thinks of you like that.

Original poster
mummylouise · 02/03/2011 20:45

had problems when i got ill - currently under assessment for a liver transplant - he didn't handle it very well.
has been better guess thats why when we argue i always get a bit shocked.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 02/03/2011 20:46

Do you think that there is some meaning to what he is saying, ie. do you think that he really thinks that of you, or is he just saying it in the heat of the moment. You only asked him to go with you to karate fgs, not a huge demand.

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