to tell my abusive ex h that he is not welcome in my new house?

[humptydidit]

Ex h has free access to kids but thinks i am being 'pathetic' because i said that i would prefer it if he didn't come in when he picks them up. aibu?

dont answer the door til the children are ready and youve given them kisses, hugs etc, then open the door and bundle them out before he even has time to open his abusive mouth.

aboslutely not U.

and i too have made mistake of letting exP in to pick up DC in order be "civil" and pleasant - and it has gone horribly wrong.

stick to your guts.

dont let him in.

he will sulk but like a tantrumming toddler child he will eventually accept it.

set the boundaries.

you can then be cheery with Dc "here is daddy off you go bye bye!"

YANBU

Definitely YANBU and if he continues to verbally abuse you, is there someone else who can do the handovers? Remember you can refuse any contact with this man as long as the DC get to see him - and if he becomes abusive to them in any way he can be prevented from seeing them, as well.

YANBU. He can call you pathetic all he likes, but when it penetrates his dim brain that you don't care what he calls you and you're not backing down over this, he will realise that you are, in fact, the exact opposite of pathetic.

YANBU. In fact I think this is vitally important when there has been abuse in a relationship of any kind. You need to draw a firm boundary and absolutely not move on it. Any pushes to this will just make you feel vulnerable again.

When I first moved I didn't even tell my ex my address unfortunately that now puts me in the position that I didn't like to ask for his, whereas he just messed around with times so much and moved further and further up the street until one day he saw me coming out of my house with DS, the next week he knocked straight on my door. So he now knows where I live. Which I was going to tell him eventually, but I wanted it to be on my terms. He will never ever set foot in this door though. I've never told him this but TBH my body language has and I don't think he would dare now.

It takes time to get an abusive ex out of your head. Give it a few months, and you won't care if he doesn't approve of your decision and calls it "pathetic". You'll laugh in his face.

YANBU

my violent (ex, thank god) step Dad was banned from my house / garden.

Didnt want the evil b@stard anywhere near me and most definitely not in my house!

I don't know if this will help you but here's what my friend did -

After her ex had forced her to sell the family home and move into a rented (but lovely and spacious flat) the first time he came round to collect the kids for access she made sure the flat was beautiful, she was looking gorgeous had her hair blow dried, etc, and she brought some scones and warmed them in the oven so the smell wafted throughout the house.

Anyway, when he came she invited him in with a smile and offered him a cup of tea, when he asked what the smell was she fibbed "oh, I made some scones, your mother gave me the recipe years ago, would you like one"

he had two.

She said he looked really miffed at what he was missing.

So in a way I can understand not wanting to let them through the do but if you could do something like this I honestly think you'd feel better.

I know I'm gonna do it!

Get a big dog it really works. Go to RSPCA and adopt a German Shephard, they are very protective of female owners, my ex ran out after threatening me for the 10th time, however for fist time with a dog and she let off the most bloodcurdling growl (I didn't get a dog because I wanted to scare him, just needed company and had no idea she would do this) If it hadn't have been for her I would never have had any control over the situation. It is YOUR house, your home and should be your safe place. Best of luck to you