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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask you to list your "pros and cons" of having 3 kids?

46 replies

RueLaChesty · 02/03/2011 06:11

now, i should start by saying that i don't believe there can ever be cons in having kids, i'd have hundreds of babies and just let them sleep in drawers if i could :D

By cons i mean factors to consider like bigger car and not being able to take 3 kids swimming.

I am just looking for a light hearted thread that might help DP and I decide to stop with 2 or have a 3rd.

I have contraception issues in that most don't agree with me in one way or another so am getting the coil again next week but we're not totally convinced that i didn't fall pregnant on the coil last time so DP keeps toying with the idea of the big snip but i just don't want to go that final!

So what do you guys think, pros and cons?

OP posts:

JustKeepSwimming · 02/03/2011 06:15

Original poster

RueLaChesty · 02/03/2011 06:25

so how did you convince your partner, em I mean decide to have 3

have you found any pros and cons yet?

OP posts:

sunnydelight · 02/03/2011 06:33

Our third was a complete and utter surprise (yes, I know at nearly 40 I should have known better and it is amazing how many friends of the same age ended up with surprise babies as their bodies did that "last chance" thing!). I have got to say that she is absolutely the best thing that ever happened to us. She is a total joy who has brought nothing but happiness to our family from day one and her two brothers adore her. If someone had told me that I could have exactly the same again I would have had a fourth. DD did have the snip afterwards though!

TyraG · 02/03/2011 06:38

Cons - you are now outnumbered.

JustKeepSwimming · 02/03/2011 06:52

Not sure how i convinced him really! He's one of 2 and would have been happy with 2, i'm one of 4 and have always thought i'd have 4 (4th under serious review as i'm so fed up of being pg right now!).

DH knew this from the beginning so not like i trapped him or anything btw!

Cons so far, pre-baby arriving:

car issues (we have a Scenic that won't fit the right age car seats so need to size 'up')
much harder to do pg with 2 DC to look after/timings of sch runs etc
sleep deprivation & worrying about sleep deprivation once baby is here as DS2 is an early bugger riser
worrying about toys (sounds silly) but boys have tonnes (too much) and where will the baby fit in? need to allocate space somehow for baby to have space to be/play/etc

Pros:

DS1 is now old enough to look forward to baby arriving (ok not specifically a 3 DC thing) & will be a real help
with DS1 at sch & DS2 at pre-sch i will actually get 'baby-time' (gap between boys small so v little baby time with DS2)
DS2 is SN and I feel DS1 will really benefit from having an NT sibling

Violethill · 02/03/2011 07:09

Cons - childcare costs!
Pros- 3 is a special number!

wigglesrock · 02/03/2011 07:19

Just had dd3 two weeks ago, it much easier that the other two, she has just slotted in The three girls will always have another sibling should two of them fall out, I am talking from experience, I only have one sibling and it a pain the arse if we fall out!!! My mother carries on like she's in the middle of Sophies Choice (we're a family of bickerers!!) The older two (5&3) love helping out and it is absolutely lovely to see them fall in love with her so quickly.

Cons: Outnumbered - much more difficult to do activities on your own with three. We still all get in our old car (old Renault Scenic). Dh is already slightly panicking about three teenage girls in the house. Can't think of much more, my older two with both be in primary/nursery school when I go back to work part-time and grannys do childcare so that's not an issue.

3 is the magic number Although was much sicker/tireder in this pregnancy but it went much more quickly.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 02/03/2011 07:20

Cons agree def childcare costs and finding people happy to look after all 3 if we go out. Thankfully I do have a very brave friend.
The ones you mentioned bigger car things like that.
Can be chaotic at times when they all need something at the same time.
3 kids grow fast and is obviously costly if they all need shoes or clothes at the same time.

Pros I have found are, they all adore each other, can pass on hand me downs, the older 2 play together when little baby needs fed etc.

I'll be honest I find it hard work but it was actually easier going from 2 to 3 than 1 to 2 was. I had less feelings of worry about the older dc as they did have each other. Although not intentional the gaps mean that I have always had a child in pre school while I have a baby so they have all benefited from time alone with mum.
I was on of 3 so it seemed like a normal number to me anyway but it is lovely seeing them all together and they adore each other so much...go for it.

lesley33 · 02/03/2011 09:50

I actually had 4. I wanted more than 2 and I had seen in some families with 3 the middle one being kind of squeezed out. I know it won't always happen, but I think its easier to be the oldest and youngest than the one in the middle.

Of course with 4 children, childcare, babysitters, holidays, cars, etc get much more expensive. But I think its well worth it.

twolittlemonkeys · 02/03/2011 10:04

Well we're not completely sure right now, been ttc #3 for a while but am now feeling mixed, especially due to finances. We'd need a bigger car as you can't fit 3 child seats in the back of a Ford Focus, but I can't afford the running costs of a larger car. Also we're in a 3 bed house so our boys each have their own room which will be great for them as they get older.

FIL (DH is one of 4 - the first 3 are 2 years apart then an intentional big gap before #4 came along) reckons the jump from 2 to 3 was really hard because if they're hyper/tired/acting up you can't deal with them one-on-one. Also lots of holidays are geared towards a 2+2 family, you may not be able to get a family room and therefore have to get 2 rooms, meaning you and your DH are in separate rooms with kids.

Um, the other thing is the cost as they're older. Imagine having 3 going through uni.

Of course if you feel you want another then that gut feeling that the time is right to have a 3rd child overrides all of the above

Dancergirl · 02/03/2011 10:10

I have 3 dds aged 9.5, 8 and 4. I love having 3, it just feels like a really nice family. You have to do what's right for you but I felt that 2 wasn't quite enough.

On the downside....dd3 is a bit on her own. Dds 1 and 2 are close in age and more or less grew up together. They still love playing together just the 2 of them so dd3 is a bit left out. But I'm sure things will change as they get older, the dynamics constantly shift.

Cars....we have a Ford S-Max....big enough for all of them (plus extra seats in the back if need be) without being too enormous. Not too much of a problem.

The hardest thing I've found is holidays. Most hotel family rooms are set up for 2 adults and 2 children and that can be a pain. We've just come back from Disneyland Paris and out of all the hotels there, we had a choice of TWO that could accomodate us in one room.

FabbyChic · 02/03/2011 10:11

There were three of us, and the middle child, my brother got left out of a lot of things, it was never intentional but being a different sex and being the middle child did make a difference to his life.

fedupofnamechanging · 02/03/2011 10:29

I have 4, and find one of the major advantages is that each of my DC always has someone to play with. They like each others company, so are often content to be with each other. Therefore I don't have to arrange constant playdates. I think the main advantage will be when they are grown up. If something happens to their dad and me, they won't be alone (sorry, bit serious there and I know this is meant to be lighthearted).

It's been lovely watching my older ones with the baby. it's brought out a nurturing and gentle side and has encouraged them to share toys etc.

The down sides are when they argue. Having a big family means the house can get very noisy (and messy, although each of my DC can make shitloads of mess without any help from anyone else).

It is expensive. Am a bit worried about putting them all through university etc.

Two of my boys share a room, which can be lovely, but other times not so.

When we had 3, our car was okay and we could pass down clothes etc. With 4 we needed a bigger car and house, which has been very expensive.

You need to consider childcare costs and availability of willing babysitters, but these things vary from family to family.

On paper there are a lot of downsides to a larger family, but when you are all snuggled up on the sofa, it is absolute bliss.

It's even better when they all asleep

lesley33 · 02/03/2011 13:00

Agree with 4 that each is far more likely to have at least 1 sibling that they really like playing with or spending time with as adults.

TBH though I think you have the size of family you want and find ways around the negatives. For example with 3 you could have 2 in car seats in the back, 1 in a car seat in the front and 1 of the parents in the middle seat in the back. Not ideal, but manageable.

I don't think it is a problem for children to share bedrooms either. I think it can make holidays much more expensive. But again you hire a villa rather than staying in a hotel or at cheaper end of the scale go camping or hire a caravan.

And yes unless you are very well off a family with 3 or 4 children won't be able to help at all/as much with university fees and the like. But as long as you have given them a good start in life then I think you have done your bit.

But if you have more than two be prepared for lots of astomished and negative - mainly jokey comments.

only1malteaser · 02/03/2011 13:25

We have 2ds and 1dd, all under 5 so they are very close and love being with each other.
The only cons I can think of are bigger house (more cleaning), bigger car (is that a con?), and holidays (hotel rooms not built for 5).
Pros everything is tripled, 3 x the fun, 3 x the laughter.

bumpybecky · 02/03/2011 13:31

I was going to say 4 is better than 3 too

lesley33 · 02/03/2011 13:36

TBH I think 4 is much better than 3. I wanted to avoid middle child syndrome.

Tryharder · 02/03/2011 13:44

I have 3. It's a nice number. People compliment us when we're out (except when they're playing up, obviously!) DD (no 3) is a doddle to look after - after 2, it's all so easy and I am a bloody baby expert now. Also having a year off work, boys love DD and are great with her...

Cons: can't go swimming with all 3, getting out the house can be a pain in the arse if the boys are messing around, will probably need a bigger car/house at some point, house is generally always a mess, sometimes DS1 doesn't get to do exciting things because the baby has to come as well....

I'd have another, I really would [someone slap me]

MogadoredMemoo · 02/03/2011 13:48

Cons
1- I am always really knackered
2- I am always really knackered
3- I am always really knackered

Pros

erm.......... Sometimes I am only a tiny bit knackered.

throckenholt · 02/03/2011 13:55

holidays - hotels etc are geared for 2 children families.

holding hands - not easy with 3. Same for cuddles in bed - you only have 2 sides - causes endless arguments in our house.

More noise. More mess.

Swimming (and other things) ease as they get older.

Agree with the being constantly knackered.

nannymcphee · 02/03/2011 14:12

I think Dancergirl and I have the same family!! 3 DD's aged 9,8 and 4, AND we've just been to Disneyland Paris - had to sleep in a family room, where one coughed all night and DH husband snored!

We thought long and hard about the 3rd child, but I didn't feel we were 'done' as a family - it wasn't that I wanted a son especially, just that the family wasn't complete.

Yes we had to change the car - now a fab Toyota Verso (7 seats), and the girls may have to share rooms as they get older - but I'm sure they'd prefer that, than not having their little sister. Life is harder, more tiring, I'm spread a little more thinly, but I would have really regretted not trying for the 3rd. We gave ourselves 5 months to get pregnant, and if that hadn't worked we were going to stop - got pregnant 2 month, so didn't have to get to the 5 month decision!!!

Family is too precious to be completely practical - I used to think, that because chicken fillets were sold in packs of 4,that was a good reason not to have a third!! Thank goodness I saw the light!! xx

Unless you're paying school fees, a third isn't going to make a huge difference finacially, especially if you can hand down clothes. Good luck x

Gleekfreak · 02/03/2011 14:15

DS2 made our family complete but truly he does! Thought we were done with one of each, but he's such a beloved sunbeam, DD and DS1 are so good with him was very happy with our slightly unplanned addition! Main cons are fatigue and expense, but the joy outweighs it for us. Don't really have middle child thing, as the middle one is the eldest boy, so special place too:o

SuzysZoo · 02/03/2011 14:34

Con - my third child turned out to be twins.
Pros - um, I'll get back to you on that one...

Dancergirl · 02/03/2011 14:39

nannymcphee

Where did you stay? We were at the Explorers hotel which was not fantastic but ok. We had a great tiem at the park though.....we all loved the Peter Pan flight and Buzz Lightyear's laser blast the best!

sinat54 · 02/03/2011 14:45

i have 3! ds 9 & 5 DD 2........

mostly same cons as above-bigger car/house/hotel rooms/expense for extra lessons/activitys
The one thing i struggle with is giving each enough attention-whether this be reading bedtime stories, help with homework or just playing. I work full time and try to fit it all in around football/swimming lesson etc!!
Can't take them all swimming alone until DD is 3-most annoying!
hard work but 3 is allllll goooooodddddd!!!

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