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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not believe dd2's teacher??

57 replies

booneymooney · 01/03/2011 10:22

DD2 came home from nursery yesterday and said that she had been put in the quiet corner because she had broken the whiteboard. Fair enough i though so told her no treats today and she needs to be more careful at school, asked her to tell me what happened and she said she was playing a game on the whiteboard (linked up to a computer so they can play games) and put too many pillows on the bed and it broke. She said her teacher took her over to the quiet corner and told her to turn the timer over and stay there untill the sand ran out.

So she didnt brake the whiteboard she broke a bed in a game??? DD2 has never made up a story and never been in the quiet corner before so i thought i'd ask what happened when i went in today.

I said "oh *** was very upset yesterday as she broke the board and was put in the corner did someone fix it or does it need replacing?" teacher said she didnt know what i was talking about and asked another teacher and they just shrugged. As soon as i said about the quiet corner she said oh we wouldnt do that but ive seen them put naughty children in their before. It was the same teacher that dd said put her in there Confused

I know it's no biggie and should just forget about it but i know dd didnt make it up as she would have confused herself and the story was the same the whole time.

OP posts:
TryingVeryHard · 01/03/2011 14:03

OMG Pagwatch Grin

RitaMorgan · 01/03/2011 14:04

I think it was very silly of you to punish her again on the basis of a confused story about being punished at nursery! Firstly, I don't really see the need to punish a child hours later for something that's already been dealt with, and secondly why wouldn't you check the details with the teacher first?

TryingVeryHard · 01/03/2011 14:06

schmee sorry don't mean to sound like not taking you seriously, you're right and I would be very Hmm if any part of the story would involve any physical aspects at all, however the OP sounds quite benign don't you think?

Pagwatch · 01/03/2011 14:08

I know tryingveryhard.

Poor old dh initially answered the door to a small group of very tense policemen quite ready to beat the shit out of him anxious to enquire if he had in fact done me in

bullet234 · 01/03/2011 14:09

Is it possible that your dd got upset, because her game was finished due to the broken computer bed. And that the teacher just told her to sit in the quiet area whilst she settled down?

thisisyesterday · 01/03/2011 14:09

was gpoing to say the exact same thing as pagwatch... why on earth would you punish her all afternoon if she had already had a punishment at nursery and it had been dealt with?

really odd

anyway, to the main point... i think your dd is making it up!
ds1 used to tell the most amazing lies ever about nursery, and reception once he moved to school.

these included being made to sit on his chair all day, not being allowed to talk ever, having ketchup thrown on him, being locked in the guinea pigs cage, the teacher hitting them with cricket bats, the day they all had a fight with the headmistress, not being given any lunch because he was "naughty"...

kids DO make stuff up, and if the teacher had no idea what was going on and the whiteboard wasn't broken then I think you have to admit that it would seem that your daughter was making it up..

perhaps she didn't want to admit she was making it up in case she got another punishment for lying

mmsmum · 01/03/2011 14:16

I agree with the others about punishing her twice. If she did something in nursery/school and they dealt with it at the time then you should leave it at that. Unless of course it was really bad like she got high on the glue or something.

I think this one is trivial enough to let slip, no harm came to anyone and whether it's true or not is done with now.

Kids do tell stories, but teachers know this and I'm sure some of them play on it. But I do think it is my job to believe DD and stick by what she tells me (whether it's exaggerated, a bit made up or lot of nonsense) It's my job to be on her side. There have been times when I've questioned her honesty and it's just not been worth it because she gets so upset and so hurt by it!

KnittingRocks · 01/03/2011 14:20

It is refreshing to see how many parents acknowledge that their children make things up.

As a teacher I have today already had to deal with an incident where a child was in trouble yesterday (incident witnessed by teacher) and has gone home and lied about what happened to the parents and the parents have come in all guns blazing without checking the other side of the story.

It is constant and exhausting and it's always the same parents Hmm.

Why oh why oh why is the presumption with some parents always that their children would never lie?!

BuntyPenfold · 01/03/2011 14:24

Sympathy KnittingRocks

Of course children make up tall stories.

But some teachers lie too, unfortunately, and with a lot less excuse.

reinitindear · 01/03/2011 14:27

When dd1 was 4 she said a freckle on her finger was from where I had bitten her Grin we still call it the Mum bite freckle now.Pagwatch that is one hell of a tale to tell!

mmsmum · 01/03/2011 14:27

Knittingrocks there's another presumption made by teachers, and that's that all children lie all of the time. It seems the default setting in DD's school, teachers and classroom assistant automatically assume everything is made up

And even though most people acknowledge kid make stuff up, some teachers do too and that leaves parents stuck

mmsmum · 01/03/2011 14:28

Have re-read my above post and admit to exaggeration, maybe not all of the time, but it is most of the time!

Pagwatch · 01/03/2011 14:36

Actually I don't think anyone assumes that children lie all the time.
And recognising that children can for completely inexplicable reasons invent things is not the same as assuming they are lying.

My dd is a pretty truthful girl but still capable of a drama queen whopper.

The question is how you handle each situation and having the safety and care of your child to the fore, whilst keeping the sketchy understanding they have of the line between truth and convenient tale in the back of your mind, is the only way to go.

In this instance it is a non issue. I would not be fretting about my Childs teacher punishing my child and lying about it. I would wonder why a teacher felt the need to lie about a time out. And I would contemplate that a 10 min time out is hardly the end of the world.

RitaMorgan · 01/03/2011 14:38

Small children in particular can make things up that they absolutely believe to be true - a lot of the time it isn't a deliberate lie, just a confusion between fantasy and reality.

needafootmassage · 01/03/2011 14:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pagwatch · 01/03/2011 14:44

It's true Rita. I love dds lies - they have such a sweeping grander to them. It is the same impulse that allows her to play out a scenario with three dolls, a fluffy dog, a puppet and a couple of handbags for hours at a time.

KnittingRocks · 01/03/2011 14:49

I don't assume children lie all/most/some of the time, it's just that the parents aren't in school and don't know the other side of the story. What worries me is the almost immediate presumption of some parents that it must be the teacher lying as their darling child couldn't possibly lie Hmm.

Well aware teachers lie too sadly, but I would hope it is far less often.

schmee · 01/03/2011 15:56

I think most parents are aware that their children lie sometimes or are creative with the truth. But most parents can tell when those occasions are.

I really resent my son being told by a teacher that he is making a story up when another child scratches him (with lasting marks). At what age does it go from being a child making up a story to a child reporting bullying?

I was really impressed when I reported to my son's previous nursery what he had said about the teacher grabbing him. I really agonised over whether to say it or not, because I didn't want to blot a teacher's copybook if he was making it up. But I knew in my gut he wasn't. I couched it to the school that of course I understood he was only three so his recollection might be hazy, but they didn't take advantage of this.

dribbleface · 01/03/2011 15:56

My DS cme home from nursery and told me he got sat out for pulling 'x's hair. I was very cross with him and asked him if he was sure etc etc. Not like him to pull hair, he's no angel but more by stealth than that direct! Anyway I called the nursery (i manage it so can pull a few strings), to be met by his key person laughing, nope he didn't, another child did. Since he has told me the owner locked him in a cupboard (again i know this is untrue as i was sitting with owner all day! - not that he would do that sort of thing!)

AppleyEverAfter · 01/03/2011 16:46

It's probably a misunderstanding, maybe the teacher put the wrong child in the corner or she was put there for something else and wasn't told why? Maybe it was another member of staff?

melpomene · 01/03/2011 19:05

Rofl at the stories from thisisyesterday and needafootmassage.

Lee32 · 01/03/2011 19:19

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions, knowing how blurry the line can be between truth and make-believe with very small children. I can even remember a few occasions of it myself when I was little. For us, truth equals fact and anything else equals fiction; but for young children it can also mean something they want to be true.

I can't see why the teacher would lie - after all, there's a whole room full of witnesses and she'd get herself into an awful mess by telling such a blatant whopper that's so easily found out. I'd try to explain to the child exactly what the difference is between truth and stories, and then move on.

MogadoredMemoo · 01/03/2011 19:29

Once at work I asked a year 1 boy what had happen to his face as he had a bruise on it.

He told me that his mum had thrown a chair at him and then hit him in the face with a bat!

The teacher later told me he'd done it in the play ground the day before when I'd been off!

breatheslowly · 01/03/2011 20:39

Lying in children is a sign of intelligence - see here.

LiquoriceLila · 01/03/2011 20:46

DS1 told me when he was 4 that he had been put in the naughty corner for tipping a bucketful of sand on another boys head. I was mortified and went to see his teacher to apologise, only to be told said incident definitely did not happen ! I was very relieved and DS eventually realised he had dreamt the whole thing :)

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