to expect my family to support me for more than one day when I'm giving up smoking?

[Waltons]

Heavy smoker for decades, cut down when pg, but have never managed to quit for more than a few days.

I've now got to give up for medical reasons (as if there weren't enough of those already), GP sorted out nicotine replacement stuff with me and sent me to the local support group that meets once a week. Went to first meeting ten days ago and set a quit date for yesterday.

Called DH and kids to the kitchen table last weekend to explain that I needed their support. Could we all stay calm and let mum have a few easy days of it? Fine, said they.

Yesterday, quit day: DH brought me breakfast in bed, allowed me a nice long lie-in, ran me a bath and then did the weekend shop. Kids were asking how I was feeling and whether there was anything they could do for me. Everyone stays calm, we have a lovely day and I'm beginning to believe that I might be able to do this.

Today: DH cleared off at 8.30 to visit his mother - hadn't told me he was going. I had to take DS2 to football (normally DH takes him) and stand in the freezing cold for 90 minutes. Got home to discover DS1 had been playing football indoors and had smashed one of a set of 4 quite expensive lights in the lounge. I burst into tears. Recovered my cool by midday and went to the fridge to check what DH had bought for lunch today. Pasta. I don't eat pasta. Tear down to the supermarket for something we all eat. Dash home and start to cook it. DH rings at 1pm to say he's had lunch with his mother, so don't worry about cooking for him.

Meanwhile, kids are killing each other and withdrawal symptoms are killing me so I decide to take them bowling. They continue fighting in the car, all the time we are there and all the way back. Get home at 5pm to find DH with his feet up, reading the Sunday papers. The washing up from lunch is still in the sink.

DH has just told me that he is away on business for the next 3 days. DS1 is kicking off because he lost his pencil case before half term, swears that he told me (he didn't) and is blaming me for not replacing it. Finally I burst into tears, and DH says that if this is what giving up smoking does to me I need to see my GP again.

AIBU to get a kitchen knife and brandish it round the house and not stop until they agree to actually support me through this?

I don't think anyone is BU when trying to quit smoking esp in those first early days.

good luck OP you have my sympathies.

Mumi - I appreciate your thoughts, but after reading his book (surely it has to work, but no luck) and spending ££s to listen to Allen Carr himself speak on his course years ago, I just have to say that it just didn't work for me personally.

I have also seen a relative die of lung cancer - I was with her when she died. (She was a passive smoker.)

I am not asking everyone to tiptoe around me. Yesterday was just fabulous - I was royalty in my own home. I would trade 90% of that to have had some sort of reasonable day today, especially since I had asked them all to make an effort for a few days. Not weeks, noths, years. Just a few days!

I know that I can tell myself I am succeeding, but I just feel that the family - who have moaned and complained about me smoking for so long might also say "well done".

(Never mind dear, there's always MN ..., and some really nice people who are posting fab comments to get me through. Thanks everyone! )

Waltons, well done and keep going. The first few days are the most difficult. I found the Alan Carr book brilliant because it helped me get in the frame of mind of a non smoker, which was enormously helpful.

I also used a Paul McKenna hypnotherapy CD.

Eight years on still not smoking and I loathe it. Once your sense of smell begins to come back, you will really notice how much smokers stink and will realise that is how you used to smell - one hell of a motivation. I loved being able to really smell perfume and enjoy wine. I also went on a kind of deranged cleaning binge - made everything all clean and sparkly.

Good luck and keep at it.

Agree with Scuttlebutter.

Also my (permanent, annoying) cough stopped. Just like that!

You can do it

Well done walton keep it up. im planning on stopping tommorrow. Im just trying to think of all the benefits, money, time saved while not being out in the garden, health etc

Reading this is giving me inspiration.

Off to google Allan Carr

I was a very keen smoker for years and finally quit completely when I got pregnant, keep going!!! It is so worth it!!!! I didn't ever truly think I could quit and stay quit but once you get a bit of time behind you you won't go back as not having to constantly top up your nicotine levels is so much more relaxing than keeping that nasty monkey off your back. The money you'll save and the life you'll gain make this hard bit all worth it, like the former poster says just take it hour by hour if you have to but it will get easier!!!! Good luck and well done on two days so far!!

OP have you tried giving up a fair few times and not made if very far? I ask because my dh has tried many times over the last twenty off years, and to be honest when he says he's going to try again I don't believe it any more. It's just way too stressful and upsetting for me to get my hopes up. So I really really try not to get involved in any way at all. In fact I can become very angry being around him when he does give it a go, because I just know it will all fail soon enough because I don't really believe that he wants to stop. I've told him that next time he tries I'd really rather he didn't tell me about it.

I really hope that this is the time when you make it btw, just giving a different view point. Watching someone try and give up smoking, when you desperately want them to can be successful can be highly stressful too, and maybe that's why your dh didn't want to be around?

Waltons, hope you are doing OK this morning. Thought of some more nice things about quitting. Your skin will improve - smokers often have a grey cast in their skin, and you won't have that awful "cat's bum" set of wrinkles round your mouth.

After I quit, I went and had my teeth whitened as a treat to myself - they had got quite yucky even though I cleaned them three times a day. My dental hygienist was saying that smokers' mouths are much less healthy than non smokers, often having more plaque, and poor gum health.

It's so nice not to be chained to that packet. For years, I wouldn't leave the house without making sure I had the fags and lighter/matches. Now I can just walk out (OK, usually with keys and phone) but it's one less thing to worry about.

Not worrying about running out of fags over a Bank Holiday or christmas weekend is great.

Not dreading going to the airport or on a flight, and trying to work out when I can fit in a fag.

Obviously you know the health benefits. What a great example to your kids to be a non smoking mum - that way they are much less likely to be smokers themselves.

I can honestly say that quitting is one of the BEST things I have ever done - it's right up there with marrying DH and getting my Masters as things I am proud of. Please do keep going.

support thread x

Thanks everyone, and for the link to the support thread tallwivglasses.

I haven't been around the PC much today because I was having a tough time of it and sitting at the desk is a huge trigger to want to smoke.

Day 4 had better be waaaaay better than Day 3, but I have made it this far. I will sign off here and beetle over to the support thread - at least until I get told 15 times that I must read Allen Carr. (He does seem to have demi-god status on MN!)