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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to go back to epu after a miscarriage?

42 replies

meliesmummy · 27/02/2011 17:49

I mean, why can't they send me somewhere else for my repeat scan to check it's all cleared out? I don't really want to return to the room where they told me my baby had died! Or the waiting room where the pregnant ladies are!

OP posts:
doubleease · 27/02/2011 17:57

You have my sympathy.

I went for a scan for fibroids and an ovarian cyst and was quite surprised when I got there that there were pregnant ladies also waiting for a scan. You could tell the ones waiting for pregnancy scan and the ones waiting for medical reasons as we were dressed in gowns.

I myself don't have fertility problems, nor have miscarried but I remember thinking at the time how awful it must be for those who have, as there were couples/women coming out elated with shrieks of 'It's a boy' to their waiting family etc.

I'm sure it's not difficult to schedule them at different times but perhaps there are logistal reasons why they can't.

But you aren't BU - well I don't think so anyway.

onceamai · 27/02/2011 18:04

YANBU at all. Go to your GP tomorrow and ask if you can be referred to another hospital. Some large teaching hospitals have walk-in scan clinics for early pregnancy and related gynae issues, to which you can self refer on a turn up and wait basis. I know St George's in Tooting does (or did a few years ago at least) because I used to go there in early pregnancy to see if all was OK. Don't assume you have to go back to the same place.

This is a horrid time for you and those caring for you need to make it as emotionally manageable as possible. Try to remember that all will be well in time and this is a nasty hiccup on the way.

Good luck and love OP (and hugs).

FabbyChic · 27/02/2011 18:06

They actually make those who have miscarriages stay overnight on wards where there are new born babies, happened to me very many years ago.

Unfortunately there is just not the facilities for you to have it done elsewhere, and there would be a timescale you have to fit too, to leave you too long if it has not all gone could cause an infection.

Whilst I know it is hard I doubt they could do anything else for you with time constraints as they are.

Sorry for your loss.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 27/02/2011 18:13

I'm so sorry for your loss. The lack of consideration and common sense surrounding miscarriages are astounding.

I'm still fuming at being made to wait in the antenatal waiting room for my ERPC after my mc last month. There was a huge general waiting area for all outpatients opposite but they were adamant they wanted me to wait in antenatal. Two hours of bumps, newborns and cheery promotional videos. Just what you need while you're waiting for your dead baby to be removed. And this was at St George's in Tooting. Yes the EPU is fantastic, if I hadn't been able to just turn up there I would have found out at my 12 week scan instead of at 11 weeks but there was no need at all for me or others in my position to be put there.

Good luck x

TryLikingClarity · 27/02/2011 19:24

YANBU.

I've never had to experience something so heartbreaking, so I can't fully understand what you're dealing with. However, my thoughts are with you.

CrapBag · 27/02/2011 19:50

YANBU at all.

I have been lucky enough not to experience what you have but at one point we were told that it was unlikely we would ever have children and we were due to start IVF. The fertility clinic was in the maternity unit, although separate, so not too bad.

However when I had to go for my pregnancy scans, I always felt awful for the women that were clearly upset in the waiting room as they were there for a different reason to me and it was obvious. I always thought there should be separate waiting rooms.

Sorry for your loss. Sad

stoatie · 27/02/2011 20:39

As others have said ring your GP and see if there is an alternative. My first miscarriage was a missed miscarriage, I went for my dating scan to find there was no heartbeat. I was expected to go and sit in the waiting room full of mums to be whilst second confirmation scan was made. I worked in the hospital had nipped out for scan (in uniform) my husband also worked there but wasn't with me. In tears I told the sonographer that I couldn't face the waiting room. She was fab, took me to their office (better than the waiting room) found my husband and for future pregnancy (and miscarriage) I was seen via EPU which was a separate building. A few weeks later the sonographer contacted me and asked if I would put my experience in writing as they (staff) thought it was wrong and had been asking for a separate room for ages. I did write in ,and, maybe coincidently The building was altered.
Take care - so sorry for your loss

PigValentine · 27/02/2011 20:43

YANBU.

I had a missed miscarriage and had to return for follow up, it was a seperate ward - but in a maternity hospital Sad and I had to go to the EPU for the initial booking in (luckily it was a weekend, and there were no appointments happening, but it was still horrible)

I do appreciate us having a dedicated maternity hospital in our area but it makes it difficult for situations like these.

PigValentine · 27/02/2011 20:45

SOrry, posted before I'd finished - was going to saythat if possible, go back to the Dr, as suggested above, hopefully they will be able to help arrange something - if you can avoid it, it will be one less upset. Take care Sad x

SmethwickBelle · 27/02/2011 20:48

YANBU, same thing happened to me, added lovely touch was that the waiting area (full of bumps) was at the end of a mixed ward with a bloke handcuffed to the bed with a police escort. SUCH a calm and sensitively designed environment. Hmm

I am so so sorry for your loss.

shakey1500 · 27/02/2011 20:53

Yanbu and I'm sorry for your loss.

When I went for my scan after M/C I also had to wait in a room of (understandably) jubilant pg women. To top it all, when I entered the scanning room the sonographer greeted me with a jolly "Mrs Shakey, come in! Congratulations!". Just what I needed, hadn't bothered to read my notes :(

Original poster
meliesmummy · 27/02/2011 21:54

Thanks for your replies, its tomorrow so a bit late to discuss with gp and when they referred me for a scan to check for pcos last year the referral process took weeks so not sure they could do much anyway. It was the gynae ward I was on for the mc that arranged it, what annoys me is there's a perfectly lovely scanning dept by X-ray so why couldn't it be done there? Grrr...

OP posts:
BuzzLiteBeer · 27/02/2011 22:15

Yanbu. But its not any easier when you get sent somewhere else either, its not like you can feel worse at that point really.

hairylights · 27/02/2011 22:19

Yanbu. I never want to see that place again either :(. If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again and need early scans it will have to be somewhere else as I feel truly traumatised by the epu having lost two pregnancies since November .

mmsmum · 27/02/2011 22:19

YANBU refuse to go back and demand to be seen somewhere else

I had a miscarriage once and was sent to nearest, not the best, hospital. I got very ill, passed out, had an op etc I was given a private room but, and I still find this bizarre, I was wheeled to a communal dining room to have breakfast or lunch with all the new Mums. I was so out of it I don't know what meal it was but remember a nurse bringing me yoghurt and my keeping my head down with everyone else staring at me. There are only 3 things I remember about that day and that was one of them

Trinaluce · 27/02/2011 22:26

YANBU OP. I hope all goes as well as can be expected tomorrow - it may be worth mentioning to the sonographer there how distressing it all is (they've probably heard it before and can't do anything about it - but it never hurts to add your voice to the crowd)

And Shakey: I hope you got a written apology from the hospital at the very least! How completely ridiculous and inexcusable!

snowybun · 27/02/2011 23:22

I'm so sorry to hear you are in this position. I would as has been suggested phone your gp to find out if any hospitals near you have epu in the main hospital rather than the maternity hospital. I was treated really well at ours and taken to a seperate room after being told about my missed mc, a nurse came in to see me and go through the options.

Greenapples1 · 27/02/2011 23:31

Another option is for you to repeat your pregnancy test one week after your bleeding stops. If you've had a complete miscarriage the pregnancy test will be negative. If there is any remains of the pregnancy left it will be positive. If it is negative you do not need another scan. Hope this helps.

Undutchable · 27/02/2011 23:31

I had three miscarriages before successful fourth pregnancy, and for 2 of them I needed to attend EPU. I therefore had insight when I went for my (thankfully joyful) 12 week scan for pregnancy no.4. I kept quiet and didn't loudly discuss anything until back in the car, becausei realised that not everyone is there having good news. Sad

coccyx · 28/02/2011 08:44

Took 4 weeks for me to get negative pregnancy test and all the products had gone

emptyshell · 28/02/2011 12:29

I barely post on here anymore because of various things but miscarriage is like lighting the fuse on my tampax to me!

Not unreasonable at all - when you're feeling up to it, make your feelings known to the hospital because YOU MATTER as much as every single other patient who walks through their doors and it's bloody not on that miscarriage gets the short end of the stick every single arsing time.

Among gross displays of insensitivity I've come to know and love (during 6 years of infertility, two miscarriages including the epic is it/isn't it/is it twins/oh it was twins but they're dead saga that ran to about 5 scans and about £30 in parking fees for the aforementioned scans)... fertility problem related scans in the same place as pregnancy scans - thankfully at least on a specifically blocked out morning for wonky plumbing.

The fact (and this one continues to piss me off no end and now I'm better I'll be fighting it)... that you have only one possible route to the EPU... past the nice shiny freshly done out Maternity department, through a progression of increasingly dingy and dark and paint peeling corridors till you get to the department of unhappy endings as it's always been in my mind. Nowt quite as clear at telling you you're not valued or important. I was lucky though - they have a separate scan machine that they have there at least.

The fact that ours blatantly makes the results of your scan clear to everyone else... you can sit there in the waiting area and watch people come out with either an envelope full of happy endings and hopes and dreams, or the NHS "this is how you're going to miscarry" leaflet. There's no discretion, and bugger all support - we only got to go into the "breaking bad news" room because my husband was about to keel over at the shock of it all. Otherwise it would have been hoiked out of the door with leaflet, left to cook for 10 days before a rescan... I did at one point mentally dub the scan machine - The Sorting Dildo whereby it either gave you an envelope (you got into Gryffindor) or a leaflet (the equivalent of Slytherin). Disclaimer - I have a very dark sense of humour and at one point in the saga was considering making a "Can anyone tell me what the fuck is on board?" car sticker.

As for rescans or aftercare... had bugger all of that to put it bluntly. After about a month of positive pregnancy tests (think I got to a month and a half) it was ME ringing them up for advice, and it's taken the best part of half a year for my periods and ovulation to return... no one in the NHS appears to give a shit about post-miscarriage care. Wouldn't take much to have the system hook us back into GPs, to monitor us until our normal monthly cycles returned at least and have the flag that we might well need counselling... instead of which we have GPs who see miscarriage on notes, know we're having sex and therefore refuse any psychological support whatsoever (and I was very very close to suicide after the second one - and wasn't hiding that fact at all). The only reason I'm still here (and I'm still not right really) is my husband, a wonky cat and a very very nutty dog.

There HAS to be some turnaround eventually - the whole system seems to be designed specifically to pour acid into a gaping wound, and to highlight that you don't matter because you're not going to produce the nice shiny baby photo for the hospital publicity shots.

(If you're wanting a guide as to the longer end of things... I was still showing positive on pregnancy tests about 5-6 weeks on, didn't get a period at all for 3 months and they were very very wonky and non-ovulatory for about another 3 - but they were lost twins and very much the longer end of normal)

microserf · 28/02/2011 13:39

YANBU, it makes me furious that they force women who know they've miscarried to endure this. I've been there myself with an MMC, and it was miserable trying to cry quietly in the waiting room with dh trying not to cry. I wish hospitals would sort this out and treat women in this situation with more care and respect.

None of this rant helps though I am afraid. I am very sorry for your loss and thinking of you. Take care of yourself at this difficult time.

mmsmum · 28/02/2011 13:50

emptyshell your story is so sad, I have a tear welling up here! Your experience is really awful.

Maybe these issues need more publicity, I wonder how many people know this goes on? If it's not many perhaps some sort of campaign could get it the recognition it deserves and bring about some necessary changes. It wouldn't even have to cost a lot of money, just something as simple as separating the parents and finding an alternative entrance/route would help.

Jacanne · 28/02/2011 14:31

empytshell I agree about post miscarriage care - it is appalling - I bled heavily for 9 weeks after my miscarriage and I self-referred to the EPU about 5 times before anyone helped (other than to say "Its normal to bleed after a miscarriage"). Went to the GPs 2 weeks after one appointment and found out from the nurse that the last swab I'd had done at the hospital showed that I had thrush but no one had bothered to inform me. Finally, I suspect to get rid of me, they gave me a tablet which cleared up the bleeding in 24 hours. I was soooo angry about it because I was 39 and felt the clock ticking on my chances for a successful pregnancy, as has been said had to go to EPU and the same boxy little scanning room (actually the last scan was in the women's clinic so had to sit with all the pregnant mums for that one.) The whole experience seemed endless to me.

Took about another month after the bleeding stopped to get my period. Took 6 weeks after my first miscarriage (which was more standard).

eden263 · 28/02/2011 14:41

Not got time to read all, but YANBU. First time I went to our epu was accompanying a friend who was going for a termination. We had to wait in the same waiting room as pregnant ladies, and probably ladies who were just about to find out they'd lost their baby, whilst my friend sat there about to 'kill' hers. Judgements about abortion aside (it wasn't something she'd decided on lightly) I thought that was gross bad taste all round.

Second time I went there was when I had to go for a scan at 12 weeks pregnant & found at the scan that I'd had a missed miscarriage and my baby had died some 4 weeks earlier (but not aborted). I was devastated, but told to just 'get dressed and take a seat in the waiting room', so I had to go back out and sit with the other mothers and those awaiting abortions. Again, very upsetting and inappropriate all round.

Yes, everyone there is there due to pregnancy, but there's a massive world of difference between the 3 scenarios and there should be separate areas for people to wait and be seen.

You really have my sympathy OP, and so sorry about your little one.