To not want to go back to epu after a miscarriage?

[meliesmummy]

I mean, why can't they send me somewhere else for my repeat scan to check it's all cleared out? I don't really want to return to the room where they told me my baby had died! Or the waiting room where the pregnant ladies are!

I had follow up (post mc) scans done in the x-ray dept. They have a scanning room there, miles away from all the bumps. If anyone does get sent to EPU for a follow up scan post mc I would ask if they have alternate scanning facilities, as some hospitals clearly do.

The recurrent miscarriage clinics are also in the same place as the maternity outpatient department. Great fun, particularly when the doctors run late and bumps keep parading past you in the waiting room :(

I've had long-running fertility issues (10 years, complicated history). I think things are getting better, but not quickly enough.

To get into the EPU at my local hospital, you have to walk past a board with loads of newborn baby pictures and details of fundraising for baby stuff. It just made me feel awful, no-one would bother having a big fundraising display about repeat pregnancy loss.

The waiting room at our EPU is tiny, but one couple turned up with a pram and two kids. The kids were being noisy and, well, kids - fair enough, but not at an EPU. I'm sure I overheard the nurses saying to them to move the pram outside but the family just ignored them. I was going in to confirm the latest out of several losses and to be crammed into a tiny, six seat waiting area with a pram, toddler and wailing baby was the last thing I needed.

The worst place I've ever been monitored during a miscarriage was an NHS fertility clinic. They wouldn't do any monitoring unless we asked for it and refused me a scan earlier than 8 weeks, despite the fact I was a high-risk patient. They also made me me sit for nearly an hour in a room with people going in for routine scans and checks, and I was really conscious of not wanting to cry in case it freaked anyone else out; it would have been kinder all round if I could just have got in and out quickly. They also didn't offer counselling when I was clearly completely distraught. You'd think a fertility clinic of all places would have been a bit kinder, given what we had to go through to get pg in the first place.

I was lucky. The EPU had a room where I could sit and ring my DH before I left and have time to calm down. They could also then let you out of a back door straight into the outside world so that you didn't have to face anyone.

It's not renowned for being a particularly good hopsital so if they can manage it a bit better why can't the rest??

Its just not going to be possible though is is? 3 seperate waiting rooms, 3 entrances, or several units? In new build hospitals of course it should be in the plans, but in a older building it just isn't feasible most of the time.

Thanks for the support, I'm sorry you've all had such bad experiences. In the end scan was fine and nurse was lovely (she was the first person to give me any advice on trying again) but going back to that waiting room (opposite the birthing centre btw) was hideous, I actually felt physically sick. And you're right, that scan was all the aftercare I've had...no offers of counselling at all, not even a leaflet of dos and donts and what to expect physicslly, my gp surgery hadnt been informed when I went in last week for a sicknote, I keep thinking wouldn't it be nice if my midwife took the time to phone and check up on me? But of course that won't happen. I work in the nhs, I know it's stretched but would a bit of aftercare be too much to ask for?

YANBU - this makes my blood boil too.

I miscarried last year - I started spotting on the Tuesday and was given open access to our Gynae ward, my 'reassurance' scan was scheduled for the Friday, but all bloodtests showed the pregnancy was still progressing. On the Thursday at lunchtime I actually started haemorraging - DH phoned A&E, who said I should go to Gynae as I had open access there, so DH phoned the Gynae dept to tell them we were on our way, they told me to come straight to Womens Outpatients, but that I would be given a private room on my arrival. Well I got to WOPS and was told to wait in EPAU whilst they found my notes - they left me in EPAU for over 30minutes, by this time I was bleeding all over the floor, my clothes were soaked, the chair was soaked and HCPs just kept walking past. DH knocked on the EPAU door and a snotty midwife answered the door saying 'I am busy!' to which my DH replied 'My wife is haemorraging on your floor, I don't care if you are busy - my wife needs seen NOW!'...

By this point, my memory is hazy - I had lost a lot of blood and was very lightheaded. I remember the midwife taking one look at me, shouting 'Oh shit!' and next there was 2 gynaecologists, 3 nurses and the midwife trying to stem the blood flow whilst they IV'd me with blood products and fluid and got me prepped for theatre. Thankfully the bloodloss slowed and I didn't need to go to theatre, but they admitted me overnight as they were still worried that I could begin haemorraging again.

My follow-up appointments were also made for EPAU and I had to go through the trauma of watching ladies go into the room and come out moments later squealing in delight and clutching scan photos, whilst knowing, all the while, I was going in there to be told I was empty.

I am now 28wks pregnant - whilst I was at WOPS for my 20wk scan, a poor girl was waiting for an early pregnancy scan in the same waiting room. She was crying and visibly shaking and I remember feeling horrid, just horrid - it wasn't fair that she had to wait in the same room as me, it must have felt like I was rubbing her nose in it. What made it even worse was I saw her outside after my scan and she was still crying, she was on the phone to someone and all I heard is 'I've lost it, my baby has gone...' I couldn't say anything to her, but I wanted to tell her I knew just how she felt.

I can honestly say the care I received from the Gynae dept during my miscarriage and the care I have received from WOPS during the pregnancy with DD and with this little one was/ is fantastic. BUT, I cannot understand how anyone in their right mind would think it acceptable to place pregnant women in the same waiting room as those who are going through/ have gone through miscarriages, fertility problems or gynaecological problems - utterly insensitive and thoughtless.

Wow these stories make mine seem positively pathetic, but long story short I went to A&E who were blooming fantastic but that's really where the loving care of the NHS came to a stop. I totally agree with the comment about GPs, it's like it's a totally separate medical issue and one not to be discussed ever again once it's happened.

emptyshell your story is horrific, but you have a remarkable turn of phrase and humour, and I just wanted to tell you this and encourage you to write for a living if you don't already.

I wish you all the very best of luck in the future xx

YANBU

My GP was brilliant for aftercare. Try and check with your surgery. I got sent for extra blood tests due to blood loss and was quite anaemic. It was my 3rd MC. My second in 4 months. The last time I was 10.5 weeks... the time before that 10 weeks and I was still BF DD. I wasnt coping and told my GP as much and she arranged counselling and was fab.

I am really sorry you had to go through this. I would love it if the EPAU and regular scans could be held in separate areas. Would allow both sets of people to cling on to a little more dignity.

I think it's just a lack of thought in a lot of cases, not some willful neglect - someone, and I suspect quite possibly a man to be honest, has thought that all women's plumbing related services should be in adjacent areas of the hospital and acted accordingly... without thinking of the hormonally addled emotional fuckbomb that this can cause.

In many ways I got lucky - I'm in the system after two losses within short spaces of time from each other and I've got the facility to get straight on the phone to the EPU with the consultant's name if I ever get upduffed again (but my fertility appears to have been trashed by the last lot) and get monitored from the get-go so they can find out what's causing the losses at the same point in the pregancies... normally you only get picked up after three and I've heard so many tales of people who've gone through many many more and not been picked up by the recurrent system.

It's the aftercare bit that really really gets my goat though - there's a lot of acceptance that women giving birth have the emotional upheaval of all the hormonal assault settling back to normal, and the physical issues of making sure things return to normal as possible down below etc... yet there's no system of monitoring to make sure that women suffering miscarriages, with similar hormonal assaults if you're getting further on into things are mentally OK, and that they return to physical normality... in essence you've got the pregnancy hormone war and a bereavement of your hopes and dreams to deal with all at once.

Add in idiot twunt GPs like mine - who refuse anti-depressants (and boy oh boy did I need them) because "you're obviously trying for a baby and I won't prescribe them unless you get a coil fitted" and you feel like you've been punished doubly for what's gone on.

I don't think it's too much to ask for a system whereby you get followed up, even if it's on a phonecall or email support basis until your periods have at least returned and you're emotionally on some form of level ground. GPs can be shockingly inept and insensitive about it all, and when the only support you get is a slip of paper with the EPU's phone number on, and you're on rock bottom not daring to go out in case you see a baby (I was agoraphobic for at least a month) - you don't have the emotional strength to actively chase up the support you need... and no one within the health services gives a shit and chases you up at all.

Our hospital also has you running the bump gauntlet to deposit sperm samples as well btw - they really didn't think the fertility/sprogging arrangement of areas through at all well! Like I say - they just shoved all undercarriage and plumbing services together, put all their money into maternity because babies look cute in the corporate brochures and called it job done.

I incidentally felt incredibly triumphant when I was going through the whole "deciding if it was all lost" repeat scans... I beat the NHS - they didn't have a sodding leaflet for that contingency! (Got to take the little victories where you can - but like I say - my sense of humour is weird that I could sit there, in their "bad news room", and see all the leaflets lined up... kind of like in Emma's office in Glee... and they didn't have one for me.. muwhahahahah)

my sympathies for everyone who's had to endure sitting in EPU having had a miscarriage.

I had a miscarriage and had to go for a scan to make sure it had all 'cleared'. Also had that wait with everyone else very excited. I had the scan, all was clear and I was trying to be brave but was just so, so sad...when I was dressed, the sonographer came over, put her arm round me and said 'one day this room will be a happy place for you again'....that was the nicest, kindest thing I could have heard at that moment - spot on what I wanted to hear! Just an acknowledgement of my sadness and that the staff do understand.

I particularly liked the copy of the letter I was given that was sent to my GP. Had just had the fateful scan and on the way out was handed the letter which in big letters said "fetal heartbeat negative, please cancel ante natal care at XX hospital"

I wouldn't mind but they didn't cancel it. I'm still getting snotty appointment reminders 5 weeks after the event.

YANBU. This is why I didn't bother going to EPU with my second mc.

I also feel for the women waiting for their first scan to be honest. When I came out of the room sobbing clutching my leaflet, it must have been upsetting for others waiting for scans - I know its much worse for the person miscarrying but it seems to be difficult all round.

My GP tried to get me to see a consultant after two mc - who said, well you have obviously had a successful pg within the last two years so you can't possibly have any fertility problems.

The positive outcome is that they agreed I should have early scans if I ever get pg again to monitor things. The less positive is that I am too scared to get pg again because I can't go through it again.

My experience after repeat pregnancy losses is that they don't always follow through with the early scans and monitoring though, at least not without A LOT of pushing. The excuse is that it's "too early to see anything", but I think it's not to freak you out if you don't see a heartbeat.

By making it so traumatic that you just want to miscarry at home in peace, hospitals make it more likely that complications won't be picked up early, which can be really dangerous. Loads of people who have ectopics think at first that it's 'just' a straight miscarriage.

YANBU. local hospital has taken down all the happy baby posters near the scanning rooms now. it's a start.

YANBU. I'm another that had to go through this. The first time I had to wait in the main antenatal clinic for a scan whilst I was bent double in pain as I miscarried . They left me for 10 mins before they took me into a side room. I strangely felt embarrassed to cause a fuss as I was very conscious of the happy mums to be and didn't want to upset them.

The second time I had an ectopic which was managed conservatively which meant having to go to the same clinic for scans and blood tests on a weekly basis as they checked it was being reabsorbed into my body. This was much worse as I had to run the gauntlet on a regular basis. In the end i told them i'd wait outside. Grim. It nearly killed me.

I dont think your being unfair at all. I had MMC in end of october last year. It was horrendous walking through to the gynae day unit next to the ward where all the babies were being born and you can hear them scream and then add insult to injury. as i was walking out someone was walking out with their newborn!!

i had to have a second erpc after which i had to have two scans whilst down there in my hospital gown iw as surrounded by people having their 20 week scans it was absolutely horrendous!

apparently at my hospital they used to have the EPU seperated from the rest of the hospital but they dont anymore - maybe its a money saving thing.

YANBU at all - can you see if there is one in another dept? I had MC and had to sit in EPAC with lots of pregnant women. It was not nice at all. On another occassion when pregnant with DD I was taken to hosptial and was told they had scan unit in A&E. I am so sorry for what has happened, it is really awful and I dont think people appreciate how distressing it can be..... however I do think you might have to try to be as brave as you can and accept that you might have to go there.... I was told I had to go to EPAC and couldnt go anywhere else unless I paid private.... I hope you are OK and take care