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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In thinking that if Im too scared to open work emails, its time for stress leave?

38 replies

breathing · 27/02/2011 10:22

My heart is pounding. Im anxious about openeing emails as there is always some crfap on ther...swipey emails, abuse, conflict.

Stress leave?

OP posts:
pjmama · 27/02/2011 10:25

What do you mean? Are you being bullied at work or is the atmosphere just general confrontational and unpleasant? Either way, don't you have grounds to complain? Hostile working environment, harrassment etc? (don't know what tht correct terms are).

If you like your job, don't be pushed out - fight for it? But only you can decide if it's worth it to you, or whether to cut your losses.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 27/02/2011 10:25

It depends. If you are in too stressful a job for you, you need to get a different one. If its you, rather than the job, then yes.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 27/02/2011 10:26

I have a stressful job btw, nothing nasty but its difficult and I often feel like you do. But I know it is the job, not me, and thats the difference...

Animation · 27/02/2011 10:26

Don't do it today - put your feet up, or go outside and be with nature and breathe in fresh air. It's Sunday!

Original poster
breathing · 27/02/2011 10:26

pjmama its the atmosphere and some harrassment.

OP posts:
belgo · 27/02/2011 10:26

Why are you opening emails on a sunday? (assuming you work normal office hours).

Can you switch off your work phone/blackberry/work email for the weekend and just forget it totally for two days?

pjmama · 27/02/2011 10:28

Are you suggesting you resign, or just go of on sick with stress? Because as allsquare says, that means it's really down to where the problem lies. If you just can't cope and need to rest and take stock then perhaps a break would help. But if it's down to the job and the working environment, then those problems need tackling.

Original poster
breathing · 27/02/2011 10:29

Part of the culture of the job is that I am expected to open and answer emails around the clock. One day I got nasty emails about having placed an "away" message on the emails..cray stuff.

OP posts:
allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 27/02/2011 10:29

Sorry, I'm not wording this very well so trying again in my third post in a row!! ...

Anxiety is an illness. If you think you are ill, take the time off. A stressful job will not be cured by sick leave, it will just be worse when you go back.
If you think you have anxiety, go to see a doctor. If you are just stressed by your job, leave. And as PJ said, if its a staff problem, complain.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 27/02/2011 10:30

PS, I'm also on call 24/7. Though am on maternity leave.

I strongly recommend a newborn baby as a break! Grin

Animation · 27/02/2011 10:32

Probably you need to challenge the culture - and ask for a day off when you don't open emails.

Original poster
breathing · 27/02/2011 10:33

My manager filed a harrassment claim against someone on staff , using me as an example, but told me that she wouldnt bring my name into it and I wouldnt have to do anything. She just warned me she was doing it and she may at one stage have to mention my name. She told the staff member on tuesday and that day I received an email from that person with a statement that I had filed a formal compliant against her and that she wanted to speak to me about it.

The job is fine, I can cope easy enough. Its the culture and the environment. I do need to leave but cant just now.

I guess you are right, it wont change things.I cant just up and go though so im not sure what to do.

OP posts:
Prinnie · 27/02/2011 10:34

I have a stressful job and have been 'to the edge' of going to the Drs to get signed off a couple of times but have decided against it, instead I've taken a week off with 'flu' (much more acceptable and easier to come back from without people nudging and winking) which has been enough for me to recoup and feel ready to face it all again.

I would echo the advice above as well though - is it you or the job etc.

Hope you feel better soon xx

Animation · 27/02/2011 10:36

OOOoooh!! I see what you mean. The harrasser person wants to talk to you. Scary!!

SeeJaneKick · 27/02/2011 10:37

It's not worth it. I've had obs like that...as freelance writer I've had to go into some weird situations and places and one particular contract had me hyperventilating outside the office. I couldn't sleep and my reltionships went downhill.

If you can consider asking for leave then do it...

pjmama · 27/02/2011 10:38

Maybe add your own harrassment claim? It's good if this person is being tackled, but the more weight that is added the more chance there is that the claim will be upheld? Bullies need to be dealt with, if their victims don't stand up to them then they just continue to make others lives miserable. It might be unpleasant in the short term, but if it gets them removed then you have your job and your peace of mind back - plus a healthy dose of pride and self esteem that you refused to be beaten.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 27/02/2011 10:38

Sales, banking or recruitment?

Original poster
breathing · 27/02/2011 10:39

No, a University.

OP posts:
Animation · 27/02/2011 10:41

No, you don't have to leave yet. You can do this. You just need to figure out a strategy. First off though, you need some time out from that place - and at least a day off.

belgo · 27/02/2011 10:42

I very much doubt a university is paying you well enough to be on call 24/7.

You need two days a week when you can totally switch off.

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 27/02/2011 10:42

If this one person was gone, would the job be bearable or is the problem more widespread? If its the one person and they are already being dealt with, I would stick it out.
You dont have to justify yourself to them, and in asking you they are being even more inappropriate, and could probably get into even more trouble.
Do you mind if I ask what happened in the first place?

Animation · 27/02/2011 10:50

As for this harrasser - you can either tell them to back the fuck off! Grin - or just ignore the email.

And resist the compulsion to open any more emails today.

FluffyMuff · 27/02/2011 10:51

This person should not have emailed you. Print the email, send a copy to your HR dept and then find out how you make a formal grievance against this person.

It is not on, they are out of order. You are being harassed and now victimised (when the person who complains is then 'turned' on by the accused).

Any company worth their salt have guidelines in place to protect staff from harassment and victimisation.

Don't sit on this, the person needs to be shown this is unacceptable behaviour.

If you feel you cannot work with this person and you are constantly thinking about work, finding it hard to sleep, hard to hold a train of thought then maybe you do need a break. If you go off with stress the company will get a wake-up call.

I'm speaking from experience so I hope you can get some help.

Good luck

FutureNannyOgg · 27/02/2011 10:52

The other staff member shouldnt be speaking to you about the claim, for their own sake, they should be leaving you well alone.

I would email back, copying in your boss, explaining that you don't feel it is appropriate to discuss the matter outside of the proper channels.

SquirtedPerfumeUpNoseInBoots · 27/02/2011 11:01

Agree with what's been said here, but you also need to make sure you keep all the emails both sent and received. Copy everything to your own hotmail (or whatever) account as well.