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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

A bit harsh?

39 replies

silverbullet · 26/02/2011 21:38

Basicly my DB spilit with his dp a few months ago. They have two dc's together (both under 3), Db has the dc's every other day, he works but will have them before and after work.
He always did a lot of the chilcare things when he wasnt at work i.e getting up with the dc's even when he had to get up for work, take over childcare as soon as he got in from work. They didnt have their own place and lived with exp's family due to money issues.
They spilt because db cheated, exp still wants him back tho.
I was friends with his ex when i was younger but sort of out grew her, thought she could be very rude, self centered and judgemental (a view held by our imediate family, neither parents or step parents ever liked her although were never rude etc)
So anyway db's ex has not broke away from our family yet, for example using our extended family to babysit, wanting to talk to family members a lot, ringing db for things that does not involve the dc's, she does have her own family btw, i dont get why she doesnt ask them.
Db does a lot concerning the children, has them loads, pays for them and tbh its not very amicable between them atm because of arguements about anything really.
So aibu to think that exp should be breaking away from our family?

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 26/02/2011 21:39

I think you should keep your beak out

HTH

Original poster
silverbullet · 26/02/2011 21:41

Thanks for that!

OP posts:
FourFortyFour · 26/02/2011 21:41

She is your family too as she is the mother of your niece and the mother of your parents grandchild, etc. It really doesn't matter whether you like her or not. She is your brother's business, not yours.

HTH.

fivegomadindorset · 26/02/2011 21:42

Yes, it is harsh, your DB did the dirty, she is still the mother of your niece/nephew and wants your family to be involved. DO you really want her to go away and withold access from your brother you and your family because she could so easily have done that.

thefurryone · 26/02/2011 21:43

YABU why should the relationship between her and your family change. My Mum, Dad and I are all still on good terms with my exSIL (in fact I'd never call her my exSIL just my SIL except I need to indicate the relationship in this instance).

You clealy don't like her so in that case you don't need to be friends with her.

compo · 26/02/2011 21:45

Why shouldn't your family babysit for your neice and nephew?

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 26/02/2011 21:46

I think if your family were unhappy providing childcare they would say so...

I imagine they are happy to have a relationship with your dn's and why shouldn't they, why should her support network be reduced at a time when (I imagine) she needs it most.

3cutedarlings · 26/02/2011 21:47

YABU

Are these children not part of your family Hmm

And tbh you really need to keep your nose out of it.

MuthaHubbard · 26/02/2011 21:48

the dcs are still a part of your family so when it comes to them, no she shouldn't break away from THEIR family

mmsmum · 26/02/2011 21:52

YABU she has been cheated on and you expect her to just bugger off and leave your whole family alone. Nice. It's clear you don't like her but keep your nose out of their business! You haven't made your family sound very nice at all, poor sil

annielouisa · 26/02/2011 21:55

Does your DM want her to breakaway from her so she sees less of her DGC I would hate that.

Original poster
silverbullet · 26/02/2011 21:55

Thanks for your replies,
I see the dc's a lot as db has them a lot and of course they are my family and would never not treat them as such, i love them dearly.
I realise i probably abu, i had just never experienced an ex still being so close to an ex's family before.
Thanks for all your input.

OP posts:
PeterAndreForPM · 26/02/2011 21:58

why do you think it is any of your business though ?

spend time with the kids if you want to, if you love them

but why are you questioning this woman, apart from the fact you obviously can't stand her ?

nobody is forcing you to, are they ?

it seems to me she is the injured party here

and you sound bloody horrible

feelingworthless · 26/02/2011 21:58

You should be glad that she makes an effort to involve them with your side of the family :) if me and DH broke up I would still keep contact with his family as they are the kids family Grin

Original poster
silverbullet · 26/02/2011 22:08

Its not particularly my buisness apart from he's my brother.
Im not a horrible person at all although reading back it is easy to see why you would all think so, i love all my family and would do anything for them.
Yes i am grateful to see them a lot and do still talk to her and was there for her when they broke up.

OP posts:
SunshineisSorry · 26/02/2011 22:08

Nice Hmm

macdoodle · 26/02/2011 22:11

You sound like a bitch, in fact you sound just like my XH's family, and they are all a bunch of bitches.
Am sure this pure woman and her children will be much better off when they have nothing to do with you, your charming brother and your family.
Foul Hmm

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 22:15

Why would you all cut her out? When m brothers ex wife went on to have a child with another man who then left her, we continued our relationship with heras normal..still do 10 years on. She has a child who is nothng to us in blood bt she kknows who we are and who my bro is...it sounds mean what you are saying.

Breezy1985 · 26/02/2011 22:18

You are being way to harsh! My DC father has nothing to do with them but we are still close to his family, infact we are going away with them for a few days tomorrow as they are still my DC grandparents and auntie and uncles and i would never break that relationship.

Casmama · 26/02/2011 22:22

You said that she was cheated on and she wants your db back - it seems only natural that she will want to keep close ties with the family. If anyone is out of order it is your db = you talk about him having them lots - I's sure she has them the rest of the time. He was the one who has cheated and seems to be unable to keep things amicable. Give the poor girl a break.

Flisspaps · 26/02/2011 22:25

She will never break away from 'your family'.

She has two children with your brother, and therefore YOUR family is her/their family.

I bet you'd be on here having a good old moan about her if she did break away and none of your family saw your DNs. She can't win.

nailak · 26/02/2011 22:28

allright calm down the op has admitted she is probably bu so no need to call her a bitch and things, she was just wondering if its normal

imo you are lucky she still wants you involved :)

ledkr · 26/02/2011 22:29

What are your reasons for this bothering you op?I am interested to know.
fwiw my ex sil is my best friend and the other one refuses to speak to me even tho exdh did the dirty on me.Tbh she comes across as a bitter sad bitch,is that how you want to be seen?

curlymama · 26/02/2011 22:29

YABU, I stil consider my ex's family to be my family because they are my dc's relatives, even though ex and I split 6 years ago and I'm happily married.

I don't speak to them that much, but ex MIL even invited me to be in the family cars for ex FIL's funeral a year after we split, which to this day still warms my heart that she would do that.

She is the Mother of children you presumably love, be nice to her.

macdoodle · 26/02/2011 22:29

I didnt call her a bitch, I said she sounded like one. I'd like her to come back and explain exactly what it is she did mean.