Not to understand what passive aggressive means?

[littlebylittle]

I see it written all the time but I don't really understand what is meant by the phrase. Guessing once I understand I'll know people who are it sometimes, just hope it's not me!

But people who are PA are always manipulative. Manipulative people are not always PA I suppose...

Ok, thanks that does make sense.

The hard thing about PA for me is, if you know the poster/person saying it well, you can detect any undercurrents. I don't know how someone can be jumped on for being PA when maybe they really meant is nicely and had no other intent.

schrodinger I suppose people can be PA when the walk away from fights IF they started them IYSWIM. If they say/do something offensive then take the high ground and say 'I really do not want to get into a petty argument about this, I will just leave you to it..' sort of thing. Not saying you do that, just trying to think of the context.

My point is MrsDV that women can all manipulate,unobtrusively,and very successfully. P/A people that I know tend to make it look as if DH is the controlling one,when he's not.

I agree with the second part of your post but not the first missy

A few MNs said I was passive aggressive (dont know if posters were qualified psychologists to make a diagnosis) because I refuse to leave my half paid home to make myself homeless when the fckwit X attacked my home for asking for child support.
I am however selling my home to get away from the narcissist so we can be safe:)

I am stubborn, stupid I guess but PA? I could not be this if I tried! I aint clever enough.

Good OP. I've seen it a lot today, and I mean a lot. I can never figure it out from the context and half the time it doesn't seem to make sense. Maybe it's one of those things people think it looks clever to use. Most times it looks strange

I heard a spokesman for the NHS being PA on the radio the other day. He was being questioned about the horrid food served to hospital patients.

He said "The NHS is a free service, we can't be expected to serve five-course cordon bleu meals." He deliberately misunderstood the question, which was not about relative quality meals but inedible meals.

He was asked to agree that food is an important component of medical care. He replied that all the meals are nutritionally balanced, avoiding the issue that an inedible meal doesn't nourish the patient.

He then went on to say that most patients would prefer "a saveloy and chips" to the nutritious alternatives offered, thus managing to sneer at service users as well as avoiding the issue yet again.

The interviewer was a wimp. I was fit to explode by the end of it!

are poloticians PA as they dont give answers either?

{blush] to many

My MIl is the Professor of PA. She has a PhD in it.

Another classic. " Oh, you don't need to worry about dressing smartly like SIL, just wear your normal clothes, there are so many students aorund no one will mind".

PA is a proper diagnosis isnt it? PA personality?

So I guess there is a difference between the popular perception of PA and the medical definition.

They both have their place I suppose.

I do particularly dislike passive agressive traits above most other personality traits (well what I have always thought to PA).

Another PA trick (which that NHS spokesman also used) is literal compliance. Say you ask your teenager to tidy their room. They shove everything under the bed. You complain, they say "But look at the room! It's tidy!" You explain that you want them to pick their stuff up off the floor. Next time you look, there's nothing on the floor but it's all piled ON the bed. You tell them to put it all away. They put their dirty clothes back with the clean ones, snotty tissues back in the box ...

Teenagers are naturally gifted at passive-aggression

No, MrsDeVere, it's a behaviour not a condition. When I was small, they used to call it dumb insolence.

Yep, Leroy, that's very PA!

want2sleep - if you listen to any hour in Parliament you'll hear every abusive behaviour in the book, including passive aggression.

Shirley, are you married to my brother?!

I find it more like a delibarate put down. That you "say" that something is really important,and tehn deliberately 'forget' how impotant it is. It's a pointed mesage to the receiver that they are not at all worthy of thought.

Paaive aggressive is seen as a personality disorder that mainfests itself in stubborn refusal to complete the simolest of tasks properly. People present themselves as downtrodden but their behaviour is actually vety manipulative.

Must be tired the word should be passive.

Is it a classified personality disorder though? Or even a recognised whatever you want to call it?

Like narcissistic?

Dumb insolence is more like sulky/surly behaviour really IMO.

No. It's not a disorder.

?Ambiguity.
?Using forgetfulness as a claim to avoid ones responsibilities.
?Consistently blaming others for problems.
?Constant forgetfulness or tardiness.
?Frequent complaining.
?Hardly ever expresses anger or hostility towards others opently.
?Has a fear of competition with others.
?Does not want dependency on another individual.
?Has a fear of intimacy with another individual.
?Dislikes authority.
?Prefers to be in an environment of chaos.
?Tries to intentionally create inefficiency.
?Frequency making excuses or lying to cover their own involvement in a situation.
?Obstructionism.
?Frequent procrastination when doing a project and then blaming others.
?Resentment of other people?s abilities.
?Does not listen to suggestion presented by other individuals.
?Frequent use of sarcasm.
?Sullenness.
A passive-aggressive person will not have all of these behaviors. In addition, some passive-aggressive people will have other traits not listed above. However, the list covers the majority of signs and symptoms found in most passive-aggressive personalities. Just a few of the above signs and symptoms may be an indicator of an individuals having a passive-aggressive personality.

This might help.

There does appear to be some debate around defining this as a disorder. Some say it is, some say it isnt.

I take that back. There WAS a 'passive-aggressive personality disorder' diagnostic classification but it's been moved to a criteria set.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive-aggressive_personality_disorder

Assumed the OP was talking about PA behaviour -> dumb insolence.

... Before anybody gets all 'literally compliant' over this, Dumb Insolence is a serious military crime with specific descriptors, but the term has been widely adopted in civilian life.

It seems common with this sort of behaviour, debate on whether there is an organic cause, if its a condition or just a learned behaviour.

IME people are PA because it works for them.

what does literally compliant mean?