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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not a AIBU, but aWWYD/say? re sisters wedding abroad and no chance in hell affording to go

49 replies

wibblywobblyjelly · 26/02/2011 18:06

Its next march, I'm a single mum struggling as it is, I simply cannot afford it, ds will be 2.5 then so I will be spending the evenings in a hotel room anyway. I would love to go and I really want to be there to see my sister get married. I also know that it's her perfect wedding and there is nothing she'd love more..

I cant seem to see a answer...

OP posts:

Original poster

wibblywobblyjelly · 26/02/2011 18:47

i did actually wonder that panzee! means i dont have to save for a outfit that way too!!!

OP posts:

curlymama · 26/02/2011 18:54

I was thinking the same as Panzee, ask your sister about it.

Also, offer to help her with preparations for the party when they get back. You can still be involved in the planning if you want to be even if you can't actually go.

mmsmum · 26/02/2011 18:54

Am I the only one that's really pissed off that the OP's sister has put her in this situation?

Surely she must have thought about you and should have offered to pay/contribute for you to go. Is it possible that she does plan to pay but just hasn't actually said so, maybe thinking you would guess?

You need to be straight with her and tell her you just don't have the money. Personally I think it's really unfair of her and maybe someone else will too and you might get a surprise gift of a ticket or two!

janiesmum · 26/02/2011 18:57

i wouldnt stress about not going

she has decided to get married abroad, regardless of everyone else, fair dos her choice

but she cant expect everyone else to scrimp and save just for her big day

its quite rude really

squeakytoy · 26/02/2011 19:00

Am I the only one that's really pissed off that the OP's sister has put her in this situation

why though? its the sisters wedding.. not the Ops. A couple are entitled to have they wedding they want, and should understand that not everyone will be able to come... not that many people will be able to afford to go to Vegas anyway..

If they are having a party back at home after, then everyone who cant go to Vegas will go to that..

curlymama · 26/02/2011 19:03

My thought too squeaky. The couple should have the wedding they want, be understanding if they can't have all the people they want there, and leave it at that.

Weddings are about a couple imo, and if that couple want to make it about the two families, fair enough, but that's their choice.

Nobody should have to plan their wedding around wht other people want. It would be impossible to keep everyone 100% happy anyway.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 26/02/2011 19:11

I agree with squeaky it's their wedding and they should be able to get married where they want. So long as they don't expect people to go which would BU

I'm sorry you can't make it OP as I know you would like to, you'll just have to explain to you DSIS and maybe, as has been suggested, offer to help arrange the party back at home. Also with some luck you may be able to see it via webcam.

Original poster

wibblywobblyjelly · 26/02/2011 19:14

If you read my OP properly i did say i know its her perfect wedding and theres nothing she'd want more. I never said i was expecting her to change her wedding day just to suit my needs.

ease up!

OP posts:

GwendolineMaryLacey · 26/02/2011 19:15

I'd be pissed off too. It's all well and good saying that it's not her wedding, you can't plan your wedding round everyone else etc etc but it's her sister ffs. I wonder what sort of families people have where leaving a sibling out of it would be ok, it certainly wouldn't in my family and I'm glad of that.

But agree with everyone else that all you can do is say what you've said here. It's a shame but I hope it works out some way for you :)

Peapodmamma43 · 26/02/2011 19:15

Happened to me when my twin sis got married! She told me to 'get over it' and 5 yrs later I still am! Mind you her two kids never went to the wedding which was held in Italy in high season.... They then honeymooned in Dubai and stayed at the BuRj Al Arab for a week! Still as she said they couldn't afford to have any family see them get married as they couldn't afford to assist them after they had paid for the honeymoon, her £7k hand made dress and their platinum diamond circle set wedding rings!! And no I am not joking!!

Original poster

wibblywobblyjelly · 26/02/2011 19:16

That was cross posted with yours ChaoticAngelofAnarchy, not aimed at you

OP posts:

mmsmum · 26/02/2011 19:19

I've been misunderstood. Of course the sister can do what she likes, what I'm pissed off about is the situation this has put her sister in. You have all said that she can get married where she wants and won't expect everyone to be able to go. But she clearly hasn't said this to her sister or she wouldn't be on mn upset by it. I never said anything about changing her day! What I clearly said what that I was annoyed by the situation she has been put in, you cannot argue with that

AliGrylls · 26/02/2011 19:22

How about you will go if she pays.

Figgyrolls · 26/02/2011 19:25

But peapod am not sure why she should have paid for all of you? I know she spent lots of money on other things but perhaps thats what they saved for, they wouldn't have been able to do that if they had paid for everyone else!

compo · 26/02/2011 19:29

She knows you can't afford it
she booked it anyway
she says she's having a party when she gets back
she doesn't mind that you won't be there so you need to try to make yourself not mind and forget about it

compo · 26/02/2011 19:31

'I'm really really gutted. she did say she'd most probably have a party/reception when she gets back'

she knows family can't all make it, that's why she's having a party when she gets back. I don't think she's selfish at all

allsquareknickersnofurcoat · 26/02/2011 19:31

Shes your sister, I'm sure she will understand if you cant afford it. My sisters wedding will be in India in the autumn (luckily shes having a ceremony here too)

We're gonna do our damndest to go as it will be such a one off experience, but its very unlikely we'll be able to afford it. And hopefully I'll be pregnant too :)

nailak · 26/02/2011 19:33

its about priorities innit, somepoeple prioritise family and relationships and others material stuff like a 7k dress you gonna wear once...

compo · 26/02/2011 19:33

Agreewith figgyrolls. Why should she have paid for you to go? For her the honeymoon was more important , harsh but what she wanted

ENormaSnob · 26/02/2011 19:34

I wouldn't take a 2.5 year old to vegas anyway tbh.

tyler80 · 26/02/2011 19:35

mmsmum

Nowhere has it been said that the OP's sister expects her to be there. The OP is upset because she wants to be there and she cannot afford it. Whilst this is understandable, I don't think it's selfish of the sister to get married where she wants as long as she understands that some people won't be able to attend.

wibblywobblyjelly if I was you I wouldn't go, but then weddings don't mean much to me, and it wouldn't bother me at all. Generally though I find that people spending huge amounts of mone on weddings fairly ludicrous, spending a large sum of money which you can ill afford on attending a wedding is also pretty silly imo.

Figgyrolls · 26/02/2011 20:47

wibbly - some of my post was lost so my apologies.

I do think it is really sad that you aren't going to be able to make your sisters wedding, and I am sure that the vegas experience would have been lovely. In your case I do think it will be unfortunate for to be the only member of close family to miss it, and you never know someone kind may come along contribute for it. However do not feel guilty about what you spend between now and then as it is completely different to buy a few bits and pieces and spending £1500 to get to Vegas! Also your situation is very different from the other posters - all of your family is going whereas none of her family went (if I get the gist!)

I hope it all works out for you and can understand your upset, but don't get yourself into any serious debt to do it

emsyj · 26/02/2011 22:05

I would be gutted if either my sister missed my wedding or I missed hers - but would fully expect to pay for her to come if I got married abroad.

We considered getting married in New York and would have paid for immediate family to come had we done so - purely because we knew that neither my mum nor my sister nor DH's brother would have been able to afford to come and we really wanted them to be there.

It would be a shame if your sister or parents couldn't help you out so that you can go, but if you can't go then you shouldn't feel guilty about it. Sad, yes. But not guilty.

Original poster

wibblywobblyjelly · 27/02/2011 07:06

Thank you for your opinions everyone, Lets hope I win the lottery between now and then, till then I'll grow a pair and get over it.

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