to judge this and this - other people's parenting

[Northernlurker]

Just been out collecting dd2 and I saw:

6 young boys at a 'party' at the same place as dd2's friend's party having eaten their crap food they were engaged in what can only be described as a brawl. All over the floor and chairs, impossibly loud screaming and aggression. There didn't seem to be any parent with them Unless it was the bored looking woman standing nearish. Honestly I would have hit the roof had they been mine.

Secondly youngish couple came out of Tescos with baby in trolley in car seat with an empty bottle rammed in it it's mouth. Baby was 4 months at most. No idea what was wrong with feeding their baby properly and you know engaging with it instead of just pushing it round feeding itself.

Now I am as easygoing as you can get. I adore benign neglect and am very big on making life easy for yourself and not having unreasonable expectations of yourself or your children but WTF? When did it become ok to totally ignore your children when they are a) vile or b) really need you?

Or AIBU (am in foul mood )

by the way op, you say your easy going, that really doesn't come across.

Oh I'm a pussy cat - except where riots and propped up bottles are concerned

For some reason my vision of this "brawl" has totally removed the aggression and replaced it with fun athletic play as is the style of 8 and 9 year olds

cos to be honest if it was a real aggressive brawl amongst kids of that age there would have been standing off and definite vibes happening - there would have been proper anguished screams and probably hitting

I am thinking that the OP has younger children and does not recognise this

and it isn't necessarily aggressive play - girls do it too - it is physical

I might be wrong though - I often am

Sorry activate two of my three dcs are older than these children though I will admit I have girls not boys. This was not fun physical play. This was obnoxious and aggressive, a lot of kicking was involved and shouts of 'get him'. It wasn't play, it was out of control and it was totally unacceptable in the context - a bar/restaurant where people were eating.

switches sides

OK then

sounds foul

I would have sent DS1 and 2 in to sort it out - teenage boys are very useful in some situations

I feel a bit bad for not saying something. At first I thought they must be with dd's party but couldn't place them then I asked dd and she said not, still couldn't see who was in charge - could have been bored woman mentioned in op but not sure - and I just wanted to get out before dd3 (aged 3 and a bit timid) was actually flattened. It would have been very hard to get them to listen anyway.

a good loud OY never goes amiss either

nl oh you didn't do the exaggerated worried looking round for responsible adult look i do then that often works

The brawl thing I'm not sure about, they were in a play venue and maybe the bored-looking woman was checking it didn't get too out-of-hand, though you feel it already had. If they were allowed to carry on like that for a long time YANBU to judge their parents I think.

The bottle thing I think you are probably BU. I never used bottles (I know, get me a medal) and my car-seats never went out of the car but aren't I right in thinking the baby would have been facing them so no need to assume there was no interaction, nor that it is the way they normally feed, nor that she even had a full feed.

I do love judging, though since having ds2 I am far more tolerant as my own standards have slipped so much. I did see something similar to your OP the other day that I judged though.

Our city centre has a small, free softplay and a couple came in with a 2ish ds and a tiny (2month max, I think) baby who was propped up in a pram with bottle wedged as you described. They were there for 10-15 mins or so and, especially since there were two of them, I couldn't understand why they didn't take her out and feed her themselves. I know you can be in a rush etc but they were in one place, with seats and babies of that age need to come first - however 'inconvenient'. To be fair, the dad did look at her and say, "Is that nice?" in a nice voice but that was it for interaction.

When they wanted to leave, and they hadn't been there long at all, their ds wouldn't come out so the dad went in to get him - he whined a bit but there was no massive tantrum. While they were getting his shoes on the dad seemed to be piling punishment after punishment on him: "When you get home, there'll be no toys out and you can go straight to bed. In fact, you can have your lunch on your own in your room!" There was no shouting but it seemed really nasty, especially because the dad didn't really seem that angry, iyswim, so it wasn't as if he'd lost it.

I know I hadn't seen how the boy had behaved the rest of the day but it seemed to me that they'd taken him there for a ridiculously short time and then over-reacted when he wouldn't come out. I think a 2 year old should never be sent to eat alone and empty threats are pointless, though I rather hope it was an empty threat in this case. The whole thing really made an impression on me and I did judge them (can you tell? .)

BTW, I do seem a bit obsessive but the place is tiny and they were right next to me. Ds1 was off being an Octonaut, ds2 was asleep and I forgotten a book, I'm not weird - honest!

lecce - I would judge that too. What's the point going to soft play if you don't let them get in to it a bit!

It wasn't a play venue where this took place btw - it was a bar/restaurant attached to the activity that I assume formed the centre part of the party.

If DSs were in an 6-8-boy "brawl" there would be serious tears, screaming and wounds within a few minutes. I can't help but wonder if OP is exaggerating what it was like.

Nope not exaggerating.