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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to judge this and this - other people's parenting

62 replies

Northernlurker · 26/02/2011 17:13

Just been out collecting dd2 and I saw:

6 young boys at a 'party' at the same place as dd2's friend's party having eaten their crap food they were engaged in what can only be described as a brawl. All over the floor and chairs, impossibly loud screaming and aggression. There didn't seem to be any parent with them Unless it was the bored looking woman standing nearish. Honestly I would have hit the roof had they been mine.

Secondly youngish couple came out of Tescos with baby in trolley in car seat with an empty bottle rammed in it it's mouth. Baby was 4 months at most. No idea what was wrong with feeding their baby properly and you know engaging with it instead of just pushing it round feeding itself.

Now I am as easygoing as you can get. I adore benign neglect and am very big on making life easy for yourself and not having unreasonable expectations of yourself or your children but WTF? When did it become ok to totally ignore your children when they are a) vile or b) really need you?

Or AIBU (am in foul mood )

OP posts:

Original poster

Northernlurker · 26/02/2011 18:32

I'm not bothered what was in the bottle. Imo propping it up in the mouth of a young baby is the issue - not what was in it.

OP posts:

schmee · 26/02/2011 18:33

I used to bottle prop sometimes whilst bottle-feeding one twin and breast feeding the other - if for example I needed a hand to help the bf one latch on Will I go to hell?

They were holding their own bottles by 5 months anyway and I'd sometimes give them a bottle in the supermarket trolley (in which they would be facing me i.e. under my supervision) as otherwise they would absolutely scream their heads off the whole way round. I thought that was being considerate to other shoppers but clearly it was being a bad mother.

YABU - although possibly not about the older children. Depends whether they were getting in the way of others or upsetting/hurting each other I guess.

activate · 26/02/2011 18:33

huge difference between a group of children having a whale of a time physically or a group of children aggressively attacking each other

so I think you are being unreasonable and slightly stick up your own backside about it tbh

I think you're just in a foul mood

saffy85 · 26/02/2011 18:33

YANBU we all judge but gawd a baby chews on a bottle and you deduce the parents don't care about it enough to feed it properly?

I personally judge those parents who dont follow through on their threats.

Example:
"If you don't stop that behaviour right now I am leaving you here!" and then standing there, waiting for their DC to stop taking the piss and stop playing up. While their DC laughs at them, knowing mummy/daddy aint going nowhere.

mnistooaddictive · 26/02/2011 18:34

I am with you op. Judge away!

usualsuspect · 26/02/2011 18:37

oh to be a perfect parent ,with perfect children

fatlazymummy · 26/02/2011 18:38

From what I can remember my babies used to enjoy holding their own bottles sometimes, probably at 4 months or so. That is totally different from a newborn baby being left with a propped up bottle.
It's difficult to say about the boys at the party. Little boys definitely do like rough play, wrestling and so on, which can get out of hand. My oldest boy used to play like this all the time with his friends with no sign of aggressive behaviour at all now.
Personally I don't really notice what other parents are doing with their children, unless they are doing something really bad. I couldn't really care, so yes you are being unreasonable OP.

StewieGriffinsMom · 26/02/2011 18:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sharbie · 26/02/2011 18:41

i'm with you op

Original poster

Northernlurker · 26/02/2011 18:44

Ok am tending towards slightly unreasonable re bottle(but only if parents promise never ever to do it again )
However maintain am not unreasonable re rampage boys at party. They were around 8-9 btw.

OP posts:

sharbie · 26/02/2011 18:44

but if they did the bottle once they prob do it all the time. rampage nearly always a no no imo.

NinkyNonker · 26/02/2011 19:01

Yanbu

3littlebadgers · 26/02/2011 19:11

Yanbu! I am with you there I used to think that people who tied their tiny baby daughters hair (or lack of)up where in kin with the devil. I changed my mind when my DD had enough hair to make two tiny bunches . Thoes who gave their pre-school children spiderman... bad and wrong... or at least they were untill DS2 got a spiderman top for christmas and looked delightful in it. I am all about the judging thing. I have yet to abandon my three in public places or prop up bottles in new borns mouths so for now I will agree that they are out of order!

toeragsnotriches · 26/02/2011 19:11

Exactly, StewieGriffinsMom . Well said.

mrsnewname · 26/02/2011 19:20

sorry don't get the bottle thing, maybe because i do that from time to time with ds 6 months(dd was exclusively breastfed for 8 months, get me a medal ). DS doesn't seem to be suffering unduly from such outrageous neglect. i honestly had no idea it was a big no no...opps and I like to think i engage with DS enough (in that he is very sociable, responsive, happy and actually spoilt rotten since he gets to sleep in our bed EVERY night). rampaging, in theory yanbu but again who knows what kind of day/week/year their mother might have had, maybe she just wanted to ignore them for 20 mins before she had a complete meltdown.

altinkum · 26/02/2011 19:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Northernlurker · 26/02/2011 19:34

Don't want to do aibu by stealth but when I went to get dd2 the first time her party was running late and full blown riot was going on then. Then I went back 25 minutes later and it was still going on.....so not really a snap shot.

OP posts:

TypoRiddled · 26/02/2011 19:35

As a casual observer, I would have tried to break up a brawl, or even sought the staff to ask them to.

I would have been the bottle-propping parent (only I frequently whipped my norks out rather than bottle feed, there's always a way to offend somebody).

bettybosseye · 26/02/2011 19:39

My first reaction to reading the things you describe is to agree with you but then i imagined what people would think of me if they judged me on such tiny glimpses at my life.
I'm not a perfect parent but not a bad one either, and i'm sure there have been moments coming out of the super market or whatever where a quick glance at my grumpy face and playing up children looks really bad.
All i can hope is your never around to see those moments of imperfection.

whattheheckisthisflaminplace · 26/02/2011 19:42

YANBU

My pet hate is pregnant women smoking - sorry but have they not seen the tv adverts?

FoxyRevenger · 26/02/2011 19:45

ladysybil nice dig there about woman who can't breastfeed. Totally not the issue, but whatever.

bettybosseye · 26/02/2011 19:53

ladysybil- your only "issue" is that the baby wasn't breast fed? What a completely arsy thing to say. Apart from anything else, what's to say it wasn't EBM in the bottle.

lazylula · 26/02/2011 19:55

I, on the odd occasion when halfway through the shopping dc has decided they need there bottle there and then, kind of propped it so I can continue with the shopping. So judge away, as it was the only time I did it, the rest of the time I fed him 'properly'. I agree with Foxy, nice dig ladysybil, very open minded of you!

puglet123 · 26/02/2011 19:57

ladysybil - what is your view on woman who can't BF? I was so ill when I had my DS I literally didn't produce a drop and the poor thing needed something!!!

PaperView · 26/02/2011 20:09

I wouldn't let mine fight like that in private never mind in public! There is never any 'need' for violence

As for the bottle....hmm...I dunno.

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