to not want to judge other poeple's familys's to harshly? Advice needed.

[bristolcities]

My 3 year old DS has a 7 year old friend who lives across the road form us. He comes to ours to play almost everyday and is the most troubled little boy I've ever met.

He worries constantly if his mum pops out that she will die in a car crash and spends most of the time watching for her. Friend's mother and I took them to a soft play park yesterday and he was so terrified of leaving her he could play and instead sat with us while DS had a lovely time.

He seems also to have an issue with food and will raid our cupboards and consume almost all of our food.

On top of that something just doest feel right.

Any way he has just come over whilst his mum is out and again is petrified despite his dad being at home 10 yard away. When questioned about he, he explained his dad hits him in the face, slaps and kicks him for the slightest slip up, his example was dropping a toy. I asked if he is horrible to friends mum as well and he said yes 'he says she has other boyfriends and doesn't let her out very often, he shouts and scars her'.

What do i do, I feel really weary of judging this family before i know the facts.

So do i talk to her? Or call SS?

Any advise would be much appreciated.

Oh and since robot behaves like an attention-seeking 12yo, you may as well ignore him.

just ignore robot, (s)he's no help here.

AMumInScotland this is the first time he has actually said it, although the rest of the behavior is constant. Even if i did take his words with a pinch of salt should i still be worried?

I would phone or email NSPCC personally. You can do it anonymously and their referrals are taken very seriously by SS. SS can also chat to the the school and see if they have any concerns, as well as checking with the police to see if they've ever been called out due to DV etc.

I wouldn't let it lie though. This little boy needs someone to stick up for him

Even though he's only just said it in words, his behaviour has been saying there's a problem all this time - I would still believe him and phone SS. It has probably taken him a year to trust you enough to tell you - you may be the only person he has felt able to even mention it to. I'm not saying that to pile on the pressure, but I do think you need to take it seriously.

Involve Social services. His psychological symptoms make his disclosure of abuse very likely to be true.

Oh no I need the push, there is nothing worse than a person who is apathetic to these situation.

Without a doubt call SS. As others have said, I am usually in the cautious camp when it comes to calling "the authorities" but this situation sounds consistent and very, very troubling. Poor lad :(

You don't need to carry out your own investigation - leave it to the experts. Call SS and tell them what you know. That's all you need to do.

Good luck

You absolutely must call SS, please. For the sake of this poor little boy.

Sorry second question what do i do about DS going to friend's house? Keep making crappy excuses?

The more I think about it, the more important it is that you don't talk to his mum about this - even though she is likely also a victim here, while she is under his control she is still "part of the problem" and could easily blurt out the fact that the boy has spoken to you.

as your child is three it is perfectly understandable that you don't want him going to other peoples houses without you - as in some ways expecting other people to care for your 3yo is an imposition - and 3yos may become upset .

what did the ss say?

A close friend of mine (former) raised concerns for my child with Social Services, social services contacted me, and were happy to see that the concerns were unfounded. It devastated my trust in my friend for sure and upset me and my family quite a lot. Still, if it had been true and my DH had been mistreating us then I'd have been grateful for those actions and would expect anyone to do the same thing.

As a survivor of child abuse I really cannot believe no one ever suspected anything, how different would my life be if someone had made it their business?

I don't know if or how that helps but hope it does.

What a horrible situation. I have been in this situation too - when I did youth work in London. A gorgeous little girl always used to follow me around and hold my hand. One day she whispered about her stepfather and I had to report the incident to my manager. It was true and she was indeed being abused.

It is true that children lie but there sounds something at the root of this and your instincts are entirely right.

Talking to SS alas seems the only way....

I think when your own son is 3, its fine to stick with "crappy excuses" if you don't want him to go roun there. If anyone comments, you can always say "Oh you know how you worry when they're little!" - at worst they'll think you're over-protective.

"You don't need to carry out your own investigation - leave it to the experts. Call SS and tell them what you know. That's all you need to do."

Well said, CupAndSaucer.

OP, you have to ask yourself how you will feel if you don't call SS and something (more) happens to this poor boy. That would be harder to live with than losing his mum's friendship.

What Ambarth said.
Your son is only three! Just say he's too little to go over without you, and that is that.

(Ragged mopes that she can't read whatever rubbish Robot posted)

Thank you all, call has been made, anomalously. They completely put me at ease but couldn't tell me exactly what would be done, only that it would be looked in to it. All made a bit tricky by the friend running in and out. But thank you all, having made the call I now know it was the right thing to do.

Well done - much better to call these things in!