to not want to judge other poeple's familys's to harshly? Advice needed.

[bristolcities]

My 3 year old DS has a 7 year old friend who lives across the road form us. He comes to ours to play almost everyday and is the most troubled little boy I've ever met.

He worries constantly if his mum pops out that she will die in a car crash and spends most of the time watching for her. Friend's mother and I took them to a soft play park yesterday and he was so terrified of leaving her he could play and instead sat with us while DS had a lovely time.

He seems also to have an issue with food and will raid our cupboards and consume almost all of our food.

On top of that something just doest feel right.

Any way he has just come over whilst his mum is out and again is petrified despite his dad being at home 10 yard away. When questioned about he, he explained his dad hits him in the face, slaps and kicks him for the slightest slip up, his example was dropping a toy. I asked if he is horrible to friends mum as well and he said yes 'he says she has other boyfriends and doesn't let her out very often, he shouts and scars her'.

What do i do, I feel really weary of judging this family before i know the facts.

So do i talk to her? Or call SS?

Any advise would be much appreciated.

Of course you should call SS. Let them do their job and make enquiries.

Yes, I would call SS. Today.

This really does sound very worrying.

I'm going on the say so of a seven year old and although im sure hes not lying would it not be best to talk to his mum first? After all we do regularly take DS' out together.

Just call SS today.

Has the mums behaviour ever given you cause for concern?

Normally I would say that kids have a habit of blowing things out of proportion, and making stuff up, but there are too many different things in your OP that would worry me.

I suppose really yes you should talk to your friend first. But what will you do if she denies it? I would still be unable to leave it at that.

SS also go on the say so of children.

What would you gain by talking to the mother? I doubt she would admit to anything and ultimately the child could get a beating for speaking to you.

What could his mum possibly say that would convince you NOT to call SS?!

If he's consistently hungry and scared, then there's something wrong - children do sometimes exaggerate, but not consistently at this age - a typical 7 yo would forget what he'd told you last time, and would come out with some different story if it was just made up or for attention.

You can not be confident that if you did have a chat with the mother that he wouldn't get into a lot of trouble from his parents. then he wouldn't confide in anybody ever again.

If his claims are correct then she is probably complicit in his treatment.

He is always hungry and for someone who seems to have such a massive appetite is tiny and he never wants to be alone with hid dad. Although it worries me that im not in the least surprised by what he has told me, it is however the first time he has said something like this. But i think it's the actions and behavior of this child that speaks volumes.

Friends mother mentioned something about friend never misbehaving around dad because he is very strict and put it down to cultural differences (dad is south American).

The other thing is friend is NEVER at his friend's houses, not once has he ever not been at home during weekends and holidays. So maybe yes you are all right talking to his mother would be silly and may put a stop to friend's only place he can come to get away.

I'm usually flatly against phoning SS in these types of threads, but I think I'd be sorely tempted in your shoes, OP. It's hard to believe something isn't very wrong here. I presume you've known this lad for a while, at least 6 months, so you can tell these are quite consistent anxieties and statements?

Oh for god's sake robot now is not the time for the pedantic spelling police. I'm dyslexic but thought maybe despite my shit spelling it was better to ask advice than worry about people with to much time on there hands correcting me. But thanks for the productive advise

Yes we have lived a stones through from friend for about a year and his behaviour and the circumstances seem very consistent.

Sorry advice think i might be a lost cause, maybe best to give up on trying to educate me.

I'd agree with others that you shouldn't speak to the mum - whatever the problem is, I don't think she is in a position to improve it, or she would have done so already. Speak to NSPCC or SS - they can give you good advice, and SS will be able to look into it and approach her or the child (perhaps through school?) in a way which will not make the situation worse, which you might inadvertently do by speaking to her about what he has said.

if I was told what you have been told by any child I would phone social services without delay. They will investigate and won't say where the referral came from.

I'm usually chat first SS later but think I would go to SS if I were in your shoes OP.

Thank you, an out side perspective is so useful. Needed to know i wasn't overreacting.

I agree with auntpetunia .

robot Are you normally this rude

I think the consistency is the main thing - 7yo telling stories for attention will come up with all sorts of things - they're moving to Australia, have an alligator as a pet, are being given a real car for their next birthday, etc, etc, changing from one week to the next. But if he's been scared for a year or so, then there's something behind it.

Thanks comewhinewithme I think those were the words i was looking for, bloody dyslexia! I will be sure to spell check in future before asking advise about the possible abuse of a child.