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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

FIL unsavoury comment

46 replies

OohIsThatAFlake · 26/02/2011 01:21

Just got back from lovely evening out with DH. Staying at BILs house. PIL also staying. FIL went out to old boys do with BIL. MIL (happily) stayed in to babysit for us - DS aged 4 and DD 14 months both fast asleep before we left and haven't stirred since.
We get back first. FIL & BIL return a bit drunk having had a good night too. DH & I are about to go to bed when...

FIL leans over and says, 'So, will I get to play with DD tomorrow, then? Not sexually, of course!'

AIBU to want to find this a bit hmmmm?

OP posts:
Spuddybean · 26/02/2011 01:23

what an odd thing to say!

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 01:25

Are you suggesting you think/are worried he made some kind of freudian slip?

From what you've said he just sounds tanked up, said something, thought it could be taken another way and spoke his thoughts out loud.

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 01:31

Ew! No YANBU! What a totally weird thing to say...Parents and GP don't make that kind of slip when when drunk! Talk to DH about it.

Original poster
OohIsThatAFlake · 26/02/2011 01:32

I'm not sure I think there's anything behind it, Freudian or otherwise. Just a stupid comment by a slightly drunk and unthinking 72 year old duffer. My Dad's got Alzheimers and even he doesn't come out with stuff like that. Although I will be watching him like a hawk from now on. DH went to have a word as FIL was moaning to everyone that we'd gone to bed because we were annoyed at him but then MIL told DH not to be so sensitive etc!

Just wondering if anyone else thinks it sounds like an inappropriate thing to say. Made me want to hurl.

OP posts:
Stac2011 · 26/02/2011 01:35

what did your dh say? That such an inappropriate thing to say. Maybe just drink but eeuuww!

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 02:10

I would be very uncomfortable and would ascertain with DH if his Dad has made comments before in his exerience...not related to your DCs necassarily but generally.

MIL sounds defensive. I know if my FIL sai that then both MIL and DH would bollock him.

AuntiePickleBottom · 26/02/2011 02:15

to me it seem like he want to play with your dd, like any grandad would play with there granddaughter, what is the issue or am i being dumb

lookingfoxy · 26/02/2011 02:18

Unless you have any other concerns, I would say just a drunk, wanting to hang out with your dd, but has become aware of 'certain language' that may have been innocent enough in his day but not so more now iynwim, and has expressed it rather badly.
Nothing more, nothing less on the face of it.
Defo icky tho!

anonymosity · 26/02/2011 02:20

That is totally hideous and unacceptable that it even crossed his mind. Please do not leave her alone with this man at any point. Where there's smoke there's fire and all that.

ENormaSnob · 26/02/2011 08:23

Not acceptable at all.

LineRunner · 26/02/2011 08:30

It was an inappropriate comment and it's not your fault that now you are very worried and disturbed by it. Go with your instincts here.

Animation · 26/02/2011 08:31

Very weird and creepy - not something you would say even when drunk.

Bloodymary · 26/02/2011 08:40

I would be speaking to FIL face to face this morning, maybe a poster above does not see the issue, but I do.
It may be harmless, but what a disgusting thing to say about your DD.

Vallhala · 26/02/2011 08:54

Agree with Zigzag and *Foxy, it sounds to me like a very bsdly phrased drunken remark made with the clumsy intention to reassure following a midway-through-sentence realisation that "play with" can have more than one meaning these days. I think some of the reactions on here, such as do not leave your daughter with this man again, are way OTT.

TheMonster · 26/02/2011 08:59

I agree completely with Vallhala.

Animation · 26/02/2011 09:00

Val - at the same time you can't afford to give this guy the benefit of the doubt either.

It WAS a creepy thing to say.

The OP needs to keep her eyes open.

mousesma · 26/02/2011 09:01

Agree with Vallhala and the others, it sounds like a badly phrased but innocent remark.
I don't think it is at all surprising that he thought "play with" might bring the wrong conotations given the hysteria alot of people have about paedophilila. The fact that it crossed his mind to correct himself is not indicative of perversion at all.

Unless he has ever done anything else to make you suspicious then write it off as a stupid drunken comment.

Thandeka · 26/02/2011 09:02

A completely gross and horrific thing to say but exactly the sort of very cackhanded crack I might make when drunk. I have very bad "don't think before I speak syndrome" and have been known to say to DD, "bend your arms before I break them" when she won't move her arm to take her out of the buggy, or when she was balanced on the chopping board (not sure why) I offered to chop her legs off. Each time I do that there has been a horrified gasp from those around me but I obviously don't actually mean it!

I'm also the type who jokes about locking DD in a cupboard in new house (It's perfect size for a baby) and when we are running out of money for builders on new house I cracked "It's okay we will just sell the baby". Not particularly clever or funny is just my very bad sense of humour.

TheLadyEvenstar · 26/02/2011 09:08
Hmm

A few months ago I was introduced to a now ex friend by my best friend.
He used to make comments about her son and my DS1,
"TLES DS1 is a very good looking boy and will be stunning when he is older -not in a sexual way though"........
There is now an investigation going on via another mother as this man is a peadophile.

No NOT everyone who would make a comment like that is but I for one would be very wary.

LadyOfTheManor · 26/02/2011 09:13

I was going to say something similar to Valhalla (making a habit of that recently).

Perhaps he meant to say "play with dd tomorrow" but in this day and age perhaps he wanted to quickly clarify himself before tripping himself up?

IMissSleep · 26/02/2011 09:33

I think its a very odd thing to say, why would he even think that you would think that??

I'd be very upset about it and talk to him. Tell him your concerns about the comment and that its shocked you.

moominmarvellous · 26/02/2011 09:41

Eurgh! What a thing to say. My FIL makes inappropriate comments/ jokes usually based around our sex lives and it can give me the creeps at times. I'd be seriously pissed off if he ever said anything about DD, even when she's older as one of his jokes, let alone now.

It does sound like he's spent the night out with a crowd perhaps mainly younger then him, had a few drinks, listening to a younger, perhaps more risqué sense of humour tried it himself and totally missed the mark.

It sounds like you all made it clear that what he said was inappropriate and he's probably suitably ashamed (wether he'd admit to that is another thing). Unfortunately the damage is done, as you said he has now made you question him and will now be more wary as a result.

Wish these silly old buggers men would think before they speak!

squeakytoy · 26/02/2011 10:32

Simply a case of saying something while drunk that you would cringe totally about afterwards.. nothing more than that.

In this day and age, if he had been down the pub and said to a drunken group of blokes "oh, I get to play with my granddaughter tomorrow" you can pretty much guarantee that one nobhead would have made some "fnarrrr fnarrrr" sort of comment...

I would not even mention it and embarrass the poor man.

MissyKLo · 26/02/2011 10:45

Oh that is a disgusting thing to say. Yuk

RedHeels · 26/02/2011 10:55

I think squeakytoy is on to something here. I bet some other right cock drunken reveler said something like that and your FIL was no over-thinking it. mind you, I'd ask him though about his thought process just before he said that. Hopefully it'll clear the atmosphere.