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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

FIL unsavoury comment

46 replies

OohIsThatAFlake · 26/02/2011 01:21

Just got back from lovely evening out with DH. Staying at BILs house. PIL also staying. FIL went out to old boys do with BIL. MIL (happily) stayed in to babysit for us - DS aged 4 and DD 14 months both fast asleep before we left and haven't stirred since.
We get back first. FIL & BIL return a bit drunk having had a good night too. DH & I are about to go to bed when...

FIL leans over and says, 'So, will I get to play with DD tomorrow, then? Not sexually, of course!'

AIBU to want to find this a bit hmmmm?

OP posts:

RedHeels · 26/02/2011 10:56

now over-thinking

RealityIsKnockedUp · 26/02/2011 10:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Condensedmilkaddict · 26/02/2011 11:00

Yuk yuk yuk.

How utterly vile.

At best he is a complete idiot.

melikalikimaka · 26/02/2011 11:04

Frown! I wouldn't be able to hide my reaction and say so. Is a very strange thing to say.

I would be very vigilant with them being together after that.

southmum · 26/02/2011 11:07

Not a funny thing to say but he was pissed and probably picked up (rightly it seems) on the fact that you can hardly say anything nowadays without someone reading too much into it.

I said something very similar to someone at work the other day - "I'll pull that one off" referring to a document on the PC then realised how it sounded and said "sorry, didnt mean it in THAT way". We had a bit of a laugh about it. Granted in this case its not funny, but dont think there is anything more to it.

Some of the responses on here are very over the top, jesus you people is it not tiring overthinking all the time??

RealityIsKnockedUp · 26/02/2011 11:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SeeJaneKick · 26/02/2011 11:13

thinking about it my BIL has a similar problem...we were once in someone's lovely massive meadow/garden and he said "Do you mind if I take a leak on your garden?"

He didn't think there was anything wrong with this comment!

southmum · 26/02/2011 11:14

Agree Reality, older blokes esp. do come out with tasteless comments.

If this old gimmer has made daft comments like that before or made you feel uncomfortable OP then Id be inclined to agree with others, but if it was this one unfunny comment then fuck me what a complete overreaction! Poor git.

piratecat · 26/02/2011 11:17

i think tanked up and spoke out and tried to recover the comment with a not funny joke. trying to hard imo.

slartybartfast · 26/02/2011 11:23

i reckon it was a mistaken drunken thing to say.

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 11:28

Say if he was thinking about the OPs DD like that, he'd hardly be shouting it from the rooftops - in front of the girls mother!

People who sexually abuse children are secretive and manipulative to the extreme, almost like an all consuming game, with the game being not to get caught.

If you take it that that's how they manage to keep doing these horrific criminal acts, I would find it very surprising that this bloke let slip when he was pissed up what his intentions were.

I understand why you're being cautious OP, I'm very careful listening and watching what goes on around my DDs, and it was a strange comment, but in this case (unless there's more to this you're not saying about) I think you're overreacting.

anonymosity · 26/02/2011 16:28

actually agentzigzag I had a grandfather who made exactly this kind of inappropriate comment and then tried to cop a feel of all of his grandchildren, in an unwanted and sexual way, when all our parents weren't around - sometimes even when all of us children were there.

LDNmummy · 26/02/2011 16:34

I doubt there is anything to it. My mother and DP's mother confuse sibling names and things of that nature all the time. Being tanked up would make it worse, prob an innocent comment. Maybe he meant to say DS's name and got mixed up.

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 16:45

Sorry anonymosity, I shouldn't have generalised.

Thinking about it I knew someone who's grandad did that to her in front of other people.

mrsgetonwithit · 26/02/2011 19:51

How on earth do any of you know what his intentions are or are not?

I would be horrified if anybody said that to me, and would be watching them very very carefully.

RevoltingPeasant · 26/02/2011 20:14

Hmm, obviously only you know whether he has shown other signs, but I'd say probably not something to over-think.

A couple of years ago the in-laws were around, DNiece was making a mess at the table, and then I dropped something in my lap. It was a bit embarrassing and I said something stupid like, 'Oh well, at least DN isn't the only one with terrible table manners.'

It was a dumb joke to cover embarrassment but SIL really didn't like (it was her pfb, after all). I am still thinking about it.

It sounds from your OP like it's just something like that - he said sth and then thought it sounded wrong so tried to cover. It might sound vile but don't think it was meant to be.

AgentZigzag · 26/02/2011 20:31

None of us know his intentions mrsg because we don't know the bloke, and we weren't there.

The OP asked what we would think if it happened to us, gave us what she thought was the relevant info, and we gave her our opinions.

The OP doesn't have to take anything we've said on board, it's entirely up to her what she makes of the situation.

Original poster

OohIsThatAFlake · 26/02/2011 22:00

Thanks everyone for all your advice, opinions and suggestions - all very gratefully received.
This morning he couldn't remember a thing about last night from when they left the old boys' do. Including getting home, saying what he said and hanging his dinner suit up neatly before passing out.
DH & I have discussed it and decided that it was a stupid drunken comment, although highly offensive, but DH told him off at the time, he can't recall it so we will leave it at that for now.
I do think that the 'realising how that might have sounded and clumsily trying to clarify' explanation might be the most accurate.

He's 72, but an intelligent, articulate and charming well-spoken man who is still working (partner in accountancy firm) but he does seem to be developing a bit of a Prince Philip streak. DH said that he made a joke about the bomb in his luggage at check-in on Friday and narrowly avoided being thrown off the flight!

OP posts:

KurriKurri · 26/02/2011 22:13

I hesitate to say this as it's most probably not the case. but saying inappropriate things can be a sign of dementia. As you say your FIL was drunk and that is the most likely explanation - I only mention it because my MIL made the same bomb comment when boarding a plane and she was in early stage dementia.

I hope this doesn't offend - it is not my intention to do so.

corns12k · 26/02/2011 22:15

totally inappropriate - is he generally awkward socially?

Original poster

OohIsThatAFlake · 27/02/2011 00:41

KurriKurri - thank you for the pointer. My own father has recently been diagnosed with alzheimers/cerebrovascular dementia so we've quite enough of that to cope with! I would like to blame the booze for now. So sorry about your MIL - how is she doing now? It's a truly horrible disease, you have my sympathies.
corns12k - no, would you believe it, he is actually one of the most gregarious, outgoing, sociable, charming men I know! until he disgraced himself last night

OP posts:

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