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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p****** off with him falling asleep at this time of night

44 replies

deeplyirritated · 25/02/2011 23:09

Have been seeing each other since September last year.Taking it slow.I have dc living at home,his live away.We are really into each other but it is hard to get time to ourselves as both work FT in week and every other week end are with dc.

So we make the most of alternate weekends,at his or mine ,by turns.

This week,half term,I have been at home ,knee deep in dc.Lovely,mostly.But really looking forward to our planned weekend together , beginning tonight.

He arrived as planned but was not hungry and unable to eat meal we had planned and I had cooked.Said he was exhausted by work and told me long detailed story of weeks problems.Snuggled up on sofa with wine ,then apologised and said he would have to work Sunday,so would be leaving before lunch tomorrow,then asked could we go to bed and snuggle up

When I came up,after locking up,he was snoring.I nudged him and said I may as well go back downstairs and watch a film then.He mumbled ok and went back to sleep.

Am I being needy and immature to be p off?.

We usually make a night of it on Fri and Sat and stay up past 2 am.It is my only "grown up " time. My older dc are around tomorrow morning sometime,so no private time or lie- in.He knows this.So that's it for another fortnight.

OP posts:
Original poster
deeplyirritated · 25/02/2011 23:14

BUMP - I'm really cross,please talk to me!!!!!

OP posts:
QueenofAllWildThings · 25/02/2011 23:15

YANBU - but I can see his side of it too. can you wake him up early and get some 'private time'?

Gleekfreak · 25/02/2011 23:17

Think I'd be very vexed too! Can you not try to wake him for some snuggly hubba? Tends to work with my DH :o or are you now so cross you can't face that?

BlueCat2010 · 25/02/2011 23:20

YABU - he's obviously had a shit week, is so tired he fell asleep within minutes of hitting the bed, and you want him to wake up for a bit of hanky panky? Hmm

I appreciate you are feeling disappointed, but put yourself in his shoes!

Original poster
deeplyirritated · 25/02/2011 23:21

Really irritated and peed off!!!!!

Was looking forward to a lazy day tomorrow,too and already cooked food so we could hang out with papers ,tv etc.

Now I will be having ordinary old day and evening.
We live 2 hrs apart,so can't meet up easily.

I love snuggling up with him,but feel like he may as well have stayed at home tonight.

Why come here to crash out?

I want attention!!!!!

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 25/02/2011 23:23

If he's fallen asleep and isn't interested in being woken he must be really tired and he sounds quite stressed if he's also not interested in food. I'd be more worried about how he feels than about how you feel. Maybe he'll be better after a night's rest? Have you ever heard the story about the bloke that acts strange, thinking about a problem that had nothing to do with the girl and the girl spends the whole night awake thinking about how it's something to do with her? Sorry, not explaining it very well, quite tired myself and it's way past my bedtime Smile But a man who isn't always thinking about sex and just wants to cuddle sometimes is A Good Thing IMHO. Talk to him in the morning and explain about feeling rejected if he doesn't talk about what's wrong, but make sure you ask him if he's ok.

Original poster
deeplyirritated · 25/02/2011 23:24

Yeah,I know he's probably knackered.That's why I am posting here and not causing a scene upstairs.

Just checking if my boundaries are in the right place.

It's not so much the sex - though that would be great - it really is about "Our" time together - as in "awake" time.He will be going before 11am tomorrow.

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 25/02/2011 23:25

YABU - he sounds exhausted.

MrsWembley · 25/02/2011 23:27

You may find that he's pissed off about having to leave early too. It's not the end of the world, at least it won't be if you talk about it.

squeakytoy · 25/02/2011 23:27

If he has to work Sunday why does he have to go home at 11am on Saturday?

Original poster
deeplyirritated · 25/02/2011 23:27

Thanks,I am glad I am posting and not ranting!!!

I will go up and snuggle down when I have chilled out a bit.
I guess I am being selfish.

OP posts:
Eloise73 · 25/02/2011 23:29

squeaky was just about to ask that!

Original poster
deeplyirritated · 25/02/2011 23:30

Hmmm,well he has to get back before kick off......rugby....it will be too late after the game,as he is starting early Sunday.Dry stone walling in a very high location ,so climbing up first.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 25/02/2011 23:34

I was going to have sympathy for him.. but if he thinks watching a game of rugby is more important, then I would just tell him to piss off..

zikes · 25/02/2011 23:38

I'd be ticked off that the rugby comes before time together. Fair enough he's knackered tonight, but bogging off tomorrow? Nah, I'd hope to come higher on his list.

Original poster
deeplyirritated · 25/02/2011 23:38

Yep,I think that's what's annoying me,tbh...

OP posts:
hmc · 25/02/2011 23:39

YANBU - he is allowed to be knackered!

abbierhodes · 25/02/2011 23:41

I agree with others...he's not leaving for work, he's leaving for rugby. I'd be pissed off too.

BertieBotts · 25/02/2011 23:41

I know what you mean. My bf works nights and so our sleep patterns are almost opposite. Sometimes it feels like every time we see each other one or the other of us is falling asleep, and it is frustrating - less so I suppose since I'm doing it too so I can't get too annoyed at him for it :)

He's having to work a lot at the moment and it's worse and I do feel annoyed sometimes, but I know it's irrational. Must be hard though if he's so far away. Definitely post and don't rant at him :) Though you could say something like "It's a shame we couldn't spend more time together last night." - he'll probably agree with you, and then you can say nice reassuring things to each other. If things continue to go well then just think - you'll have lots of time to spend together in the future.

It is really disappointing though when things don't work out the way you'd planned when you'd been looking forward to them. Still he owes you one now Grin

Do you get to speak to him on the phone/online during the weeks you don't see each other?

hymie · 25/02/2011 23:41

But sport is important to a Man Shock

Seriously though he just sounds knackered.

hmc · 25/02/2011 23:41

Of course, I meant YABU Blush

BertieBotts · 25/02/2011 23:43

Oh I see the rugby thing.. I don't know then. How much longer would he have with you tomorrow if he didn't go home in time for the rugby?

moondog · 25/02/2011 23:44

So you had made a nice meal an d he didn't eat it? Why not? What bhad you made?

MrsWembley · 25/02/2011 23:45

Sorry, rugby fan here. Six Nations is important in the sports calendar and, whilst it would be nice for him to watch it with you, maybe he wants a beer with the game and so wouldn't be able to drive afterwards? If he's stressed about something then this would be his wind down time. If he stays he may get more wound up?

hmc · 25/02/2011 23:47

Talk to him about it tomorrow - tell him how you feel about the rugby abandonment