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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p****** off with him falling asleep at this time of night

44 replies

deeplyirritated · 25/02/2011 23:09

Have been seeing each other since September last year.Taking it slow.I have dc living at home,his live away.We are really into each other but it is hard to get time to ourselves as both work FT in week and every other week end are with dc.

So we make the most of alternate weekends,at his or mine ,by turns.

This week,half term,I have been at home ,knee deep in dc.Lovely,mostly.But really looking forward to our planned weekend together , beginning tonight.

He arrived as planned but was not hungry and unable to eat meal we had planned and I had cooked.Said he was exhausted by work and told me long detailed story of weeks problems.Snuggled up on sofa with wine ,then apologised and said he would have to work Sunday,so would be leaving before lunch tomorrow,then asked could we go to bed and snuggle up

When I came up,after locking up,he was snoring.I nudged him and said I may as well go back downstairs and watch a film then.He mumbled ok and went back to sleep.

Am I being needy and immature to be p off?.

We usually make a night of it on Fri and Sat and stay up past 2 am.It is my only "grown up " time. My older dc are around tomorrow morning sometime,so no private time or lie- in.He knows this.So that's it for another fortnight.

OP posts:
hmc · 25/02/2011 23:48

Also, hypothetically, if you had tickets to see something you were desperately keen on - would you forfeit these?

zikes · 25/02/2011 23:52

Are the two (tickets to a gig, rugby on the telly) really similar?

He could go down a pub local to the OP to watch the rugby, (she could possibly go along), and then spend the rest of Saturday together afterwards? That seems like a possible compromise to me.

zikes · 25/02/2011 23:53

Oh prob not if he's working first thing Sunday.

squeakytoy · 25/02/2011 23:59

Sorry, but any man who put a sports game on the telly before seeing me, would get the shove. I would not play second fiddle to a bunch of blokes throwing a ball around a patch of grass.

If the game was so important he could watch it with the Op, but it seems he would rather go and watch it in the pub with his mates.

Fair enough if you live with someone and see them every day, but if its someone you only see once a fortnight, then no, its not on.

MorticiaAddams · 26/02/2011 06:50

YABU. He has come to see you when he is so tired (or possbily ill) that he can't eat and has crashed out.

I do remember feeling second best to rugby when Gomez and I first got together but I actually went to the rugby club to "watch" it with him and found how inclusive rugby clubs are for partners and families if you can all go with him.

justcarrots29 · 26/02/2011 07:22

I have to agree that YABU. However, you are entitled to feel disappointed that your weekend hasn't gone to plan.

This weekend was a write off. If it happened again then I might start getting a bit angry. He sounds like he is completely exhausted and I am sure if it were the other way round you would want him to understand.

Hope next time is better!

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 26/02/2011 07:47

Agree YABU.
It's ok to be disappointed but it happens and is more likely to happen when you see each other so rarely i'm afraid.
I used to be in a similar situation when DH and I got together and as we had set weekends to see eah other for a time there were weekends when one or other of us was just shattered from a busy or stressful week. We still took what little time we could get together it was just unfortunate that things cropped up leading up to the weekend we were together.

The rugby thing also wouldn't bother me too much I get what people are saying about only seeing you once a fortnight but to be fair he has probably been a rugby fan since before he met you and this is an important part of the sports calendar so presumably something he watches with his friends whenever it comes around.
And I am saying that as someone who has no particular interest in sport with a husband that eats, breathes and sleeps football.

Ineedacleaneriamalazyslattern · 26/02/2011 07:50

ANd thos saying they would give a bloke the shove for going off to watch the rugby...seriously???
They have been together 5 months and are taking it slow (from the OP, they only see each other once a fortnight and unfortunately this one falls on a large sports event he wants to watch and presumably has enjoyed watching for more than 5 months.
I would say it was unfortunate not a ditching offence though.

LineRunner · 26/02/2011 08:24

I have only just read this, so if/when you post again you might have a positive update. However: I think alarm bells are ringing with you. The behaviour - I don't want your food, I don't want to stay awake, I have to leave early in the morning - is not going to fill you with confidence. Only time will tell if it is a one-off or will now be par for the course. If it is going to a be a regular thing, only you can decide if you are prepared to put up with it.

Good luck.

BertieBotts · 26/02/2011 10:58

"I don't want your food, I don't want to stay awake, I have to leave early in the morning" - Oh come on, give the guy a break, OP said he'd had an unusually stressful week at work. If he lived closer I expect he'd have cancelled it completely, but as they see each other once a fortnight he probably didn't want to let her down. It's annoying and disappointing (and can be crushingly disappointing when the OP has also had a hard week and was looking forward to this) - but it's nobody's fault, it's just, well, shit happens sometimes. If this is the first time it's happened this in 5 months then that's good going, TBH.

I agree if it was happening all the time it would indicate a lack of respect, but it doesn't sound like it is.

JohannaM · 26/02/2011 11:18

Its a fact of real life relationships. People get tired (him), pissed off (you). That's life.

Yes it's a pain for this weekend but you'll have others together. If you are hoping for a long-term relationship get used to it. There'll be times when it's the other way round as well.

I think you are being a tad unreasonable.

OTheHugeManatee · 26/02/2011 11:18

I understand why you're peed off, but YAB a bit U. If he's knackered, he's knackered. If he starts doing that every weekend, then you might want to say something, but if it's a one-off after a terrible week then you should be a bit more understanding. Ultimately the problem is that you live 2 hours apart and only see each other once a fortnight - that puts loads of pressure on the time you have together, and makes it seem like a big deal when one of you has an off day.

JohannaM · 26/02/2011 11:19

sorry should read "It's a fact....."!!!

Original poster
deeplyirritated · 26/02/2011 15:40

An update..and many thanks for all you lovely posts.

He has only just gone Smile.

On reflection,I was being unreasonable,and was embarrassed this morning.The first thing he said to me when he woke up was "are you cross with me?" and apologised for being knackered.He was then very passionate and we had a lovely time Wink

However,later on,h gently reminded me that as he had been so tired,he hadn't drunk anything,meaning I had polished off the whole bottle on my own,before supper...(it was only shepherds pie,I put ours up for later when feeding the dc in the afternoon,so not special or anything)...I was then reminded that I had rather childishly rolled over and made huffing noises as he was trying to cuddle me whilst falling asleep,and that I had put the light on and noisily got dressed before muttering about being "bored" as I went down stairs......to post on here Blush Blush Blush

I had forgotten all that by the time I was angrily posting - having name changed,btw.Am regular poster.
But I remembered when he reminded me.

I was very unfair.He is having a hard time at work,as I well know.One of the things I admire about him is his commitment to his job.

Also - major Blush - he arrived much earlier than planned last night,as a surprise to make up for today,only to find my parents were visiting.He has never met them.We have not even discussed this at all,due to taking this so slowly.
But he took it all in his stride and we had all spent half an hour drinking tea together in my front room....it went fine,he got on well with my dad...

Oh ,I feel rotten now! I don't have a good relationship with my parents - have told him this - and I know I was feeling a bit blown away at having had them and him meet like that.
I know I have strong feelings for him.But we have both had a difficult previous marriage and divorce,involving dc and are afraid of getting hurt and/or making mistakes.
I think I felt a bit more needy than I was comfortable with,and the alcohol was a bad move.

Thanks to you all.I could have made a bigger fool of myself,if I hadn't posted.

Btw - the six nations is major here in Wales.He doesn't watch any other games,but made plans this morning to watch it later with a friend,so we could go out for a walk together today.
He was very apologetic about tomorrow,and says he will be taking either Friday or Monday or both of next weekend off - my dc away again - so we can have longer together.
We speak on the phone every evening.

I think I need to watch the needy feelings and the wine.And avoid my parents even more (don't out me if you recognise me,but feel free to pm!)

Thanks again,lovely MN!

OP posts:
hmc · 26/02/2011 16:58

Oh I do love a happy ending [feels all warm inside]

MrsWembley · 26/02/2011 20:58

That's so lovely, thank-you for letting us know. Smile It sounds like your relationship is going to be just fine.

NinkyNonker · 26/02/2011 21:01

He sounds great.

verytellytubby · 26/02/2011 21:04

He sounds lovely. Hope you have a great time next weekend.

hymie · 27/02/2011 07:22

Ahh...fair warms the cockles...well done :)

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