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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask if children nowadays don't have the freedom me and my peers did? Not really an AIBU but more a straw poll.

39 replies

Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 22:36

Me and my brothers growing up in the 60's 70's used to head out to play (aged 6 and up) with kids in our street. We got up to all sorts and played in all sorts of places -paying no heed to dire warnings from parents. But that was what everyone did - parents turfed encouraged us to get out and about to play.
We played near streams, jumped off haystacks, made dens, collected frog spawn (no longer allowed), fought with each other, formed alliances, got into potential danger, got into fights, made fun of each other .... and only went home for meals.
Now I know the world is supposedly different nowadays .... but I was very aware that my kids (adults now) did not have the freedom that I enjoyed because I was over-protective. I was pretty obsessive and silly. I walked them to the school bus, monitored their friends etc. So I feel like I mollycoddled them too much when I compare their upbringing to mine.
Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
PaisleyLeaf · 25/02/2011 22:44

Sad isn't it.
I guess the world's not the same now - there were only a couple of people on our street with a car (and they probably only moved on sunny weekend days), and there was a real community spirit of people looking out for each other - if I rode my bike on the road, my parents would have probably heard about it before I got back.
The front door was left on the latch and we'd come and go according to thirst etc, while parents just got on with their day to day stuff. Nowadays, I drive my DD to activities and to play at friends' - my life is much more orientated around my DD than my parents' ever was.

hymie · 25/02/2011 22:48

I grew up in the Moss side area of Manchester in the early 60's. It was as rough as chips but the difference was that if you got into any trouble the PC brigade didn't help you out, and parents didn't wrap their kids in cotton wool.

Hence we were more free to make decisions and were accountable for them.

Original poster
Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 22:49

Good point regarding cars - we had a car but only because we lived fairly far from grandparents so my Mum and Dad saved up to buy one so they could visit without doing trains, buses and taxis.
They never had a debt in their life ...... everything was saved for. That's almost unheard of now, eh?

OP posts:
Booandpops · 25/02/2011 22:49

No they don't. I'm a 70,s child and we were out on our bikes from breekie till tea. I was probably about 8/9 and we were gone all day Mum didn't worry or if she did she didn't show it. No mobile phones just 2 p in case of emergency!

My kids wouldn't be allowed that freedom and it's sad

I wish I could but too much traffic now Not so much stranger danger with me but there are some nasty kids out there now days as well Id worry about the bullying if they ran into the wrong crowd.

Very Sad

Booandpops · 25/02/2011 22:52

Salmo. Good point re debt but for me my parents take on debt rubbed off on me and we save for everything too. Barr mortgage but sorry getting off the subject.

Original poster
Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 22:53

See hymie - I really think kids are wrapped in cotton wool now. And I did it - hands up.

Despite my very free and easy childhood.

Thank god my kids were rebellious and pushed the boundaries. They did learn by mistakes and managed to grow to adulthood despite my mollycoddling!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 22:55

No worries Boo - I think it's all related actually.

OP posts:
straightbat · 25/02/2011 23:02

My ds won't go and play out because despite there being about 200 children living in a 50 yard radius there is nobody to play with. They are all inside. I don't think he is old enough to be responsible for his sister so he is housebound until she is older. We have a lovely little park that he can get to without crossing a road but he would rather play at home.

AgentZigzag · 25/02/2011 23:03

It's hard to take the risk when the general consensus is to bubblewrap them.

The cost is too high if you get it wrong.

I'm just letting my 10 YO DD1 go a little bit, and I can see the lack of common sense is a bit of a downfall.

Whether she's not gained it because I haven't 'tested' her to see if she can handle thinking independently, or whether it's her age I can't work out.

tomhardyismydh · 25/02/2011 23:08

My dd age 5 played out in our culde sac today, at the momennt there are 3 families with kids i have never once seen or heard any of them play out.

the cr issue is very valid, one family go to school in the next road and drive,considering the have kids they tear around the culde sac so fast their driving is the only thing preventing mme from letting dd out to play more often.

when i was a child 80s 90s i still enjoyed the same freedoms as op.

Original poster
Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 23:08

Sad - straightbat - technology hasn't helped in some regards. Yes, it's great in some circumstances such as researching topics on the internet or providing help to kids with additional support needs etc. but apparently nowadays too many kids are "living" through their X-box or Nintendo PS instead of getting out and about.

OP posts:
igetmorelovefromthecat · 25/02/2011 23:10

Collecting frog spawn isn't allowed anymore?

hymie · 25/02/2011 23:11

And where have all the Parkies gone :)

Original poster
Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 23:16

AgentZigZag - I know, I know - I was the same.
It's so hard nowadays. I think that's my point really. More traffic, more consumerism, more exposure to inappropriate stuff, more "instant" gratification, kids on facebook (evil nonsense in my opinion). I could go on ... but I actually do really worry about kids nowadays not being stretched because of the hazards.
I have a little grandson and another on the way ... I worry.

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mamatomany · 25/02/2011 23:19

I don't think it's such a bad thing, we were pretty much expected to go out after breakfast and not come home until tea time, in fact I can remember banging on the front door to come in and being told to go and play :(
However whilst out playing off the top off my head, my sister was sexually assaulted, a grave stone fell on my foot, one local boy was electrocuted, there were frequent fights amongst the children, another boy in my class was run over, in a coma for months and was never the same again. Rose tinted spectacles aside it wasn't all fun and games.

HarrietSchulenberg · 25/02/2011 23:20

I was a child of the 70s and 80s and my childhood was very different to those of other posters, apparently. We used to live on a particularly throbbing section of the A41 and I was absolutely not allowed out on my own for fear that I would be a) mown down or b) abducted.

Even after we moved house when I was 8 or 9 my mother kept strict tabs on me. I was never allowed to go off by myself and if I went out of sight of my front door I had to make sure I told my mum EXACTLY where I was going. I honestly believe she'd have called the police if I'd been out of sight for more than 5 minutes.

I was an only child, and we had a family member who was on the jury at the Moors Murderers' trial and a family friend whose neice disappeared (was later found to be one of Fred West's victims), which rather coloured my mother's opinion of childhood freedoms.

Original poster
Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 23:20

igetmorelovefromthecat - look up the Countryside Act/Countryside Commission - I'm in Scotland and we have different agencies but I don't think you are allowed to collect frogspawn nowadays due to decreasing amphibian numbers.
No doubt someone will come along and enlighten us!!

OP posts:
shockers · 25/02/2011 23:21

We moved to more rural location last August (we used to live on the outskirts of Blackpool. The biggest joy of our move for me, is watching my 10 yr old DS going off out to play. Admittedly, he goes out in a high vis waistcoat and helmet on his bike, which I never did, traffic worries me, even here.
The biggest drawback is that, a lot of the time, his friends want him to go in and play computer games with them. He has worked out which are the most likely to want to stay out and now tends to call for them. If the weather gets too bad, they come here and play Blackpool Monopoly Grin.
He is having a childhood as close to my own as is possible, considering the 34 year age gap and I am so very, very glad about thatSmile

squeakytoy · 25/02/2011 23:24

The difference now is material goods. When I grew up in the 70's and 80's we didnt have iPods, mobiles, dslites, designer trainers, expensive bikes, etc etc.. so there would be no reason to get mugged..

We now live in a materialistic world, where there are too many bad kids who will have no qualms about robbing a child of what they may have on them, and it leaves almost any child a target.

I have friends with younger children who live in rural areas, and the problem is nowhere near as rife as in built up towns and cities.

Original poster
Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 23:29

mamatomany and HarrietSchulenberg - granted your experiences were different to mine, but my parents expected us to be out and about. That was the way it worked. Having said that we had to come home for lunch and tea. And we had to say where we were going and who with. No mobiles in those days.
I remember my big brother (12 at the time) pushing the boundaries and not coming home at the agreed time (after being told repeatedly) and my Mum locking the door. He never did it again - I still remember the fuss! Oh happy days!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 23:35

squeakytoy - I have a theory and that theory is that we humans are not adapted to live in crowded cities. I think humans cope far better in small groups where we look out for each other.
Technology is another matter - kids nowadays have way too much access to technology. That's a fact. They don't know how to interact unless it's via an iPod or X-box.
So flame me.

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squeakytoy · 25/02/2011 23:39

Salmotrutta, I agree with you 100%.

I had a brilliant time growing up.. we built dens, had exercise, rode our bikes everywhere.. and were far more sporty than the kids of today.

I grew up in a small town, and all my friends lived in the same road, so we never had sleepovers, we just went to our own homes at night. Parents didnt have to run us around to "playdates"..

theITgirl · 25/02/2011 23:41

I am trying my best to let my children have the freedom I did.
BUT I want to continue to let my DS (nearly 10) walk to school by himself - there IS a peodophile living close to the school.
And my DD (nearly 7) will play on the path with her scooter & a friend who lives on our street.

My biggest problem is what to do about DS and curtailing his freedom.

happybubblebrain · 25/02/2011 23:41

Kids as young as 6 play out on their own in my area, especially through the summer. I'm totally sure my dd won't though - she'll want to, but I'm not brave enough. We spend most of our time out and about - at parks, picnics, events and festivals anyway, but I think she'll need to be much older before I feel happy about her out and about without me. I think kids can still have a great, adventurous childhood with some adult superivision. The playstaytions etc are the main problem and a complete no-no in our house.

SeeJaneKick · 25/02/2011 23:42

Mamtomany maks some good points...I was also a kid in the 70s...did all the running wild all day stuff...in and out o abandoned houses, fields, air raid shelters....whatever....we had one boy drown in a stream, a girl who was raped whilst in her den in the woods, (she was about 12 as I remember) I was flashed at by some weird old man repeatedly, we had another old man offering us cash to go in his house Shock sme boys did! Don' know what happened there.

A lot of it is that we are not so naieve now.

I try to give my kids some of everything. Freedom and safety.

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