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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask if children nowadays don't have the freedom me and my peers did? Not really an AIBU but more a straw poll.

39 replies

Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 22:36

Me and my brothers growing up in the 60's 70's used to head out to play (aged 6 and up) with kids in our street. We got up to all sorts and played in all sorts of places -paying no heed to dire warnings from parents. But that was what everyone did - parents turfed encouraged us to get out and about to play.
We played near streams, jumped off haystacks, made dens, collected frog spawn (no longer allowed), fought with each other, formed alliances, got into potential danger, got into fights, made fun of each other .... and only went home for meals.
Now I know the world is supposedly different nowadays .... but I was very aware that my kids (adults now) did not have the freedom that I enjoyed because I was over-protective. I was pretty obsessive and silly. I walked them to the school bus, monitored their friends etc. So I feel like I mollycoddled them too much when I compare their upbringing to mine.
Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:

AgentZigzag · 25/02/2011 23:49

You feel uncomfortable about letting them out, and 'they're' warning you they're not safe letting them do stuff (on computers mostly) inside, do the DC fit in anywhere??

Take your pick of which is the more serious risk?

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 25/02/2011 23:52

the ITgirl - I'll bet there were peadophiles living near me too - but the difference was we didn't know specifically. We were told to stay away from X and never talk to strangers etc. Paedopiles have always been out there - it's about educating your children.
squeakytoy - when did playdates become the norm. We just went in and out of friends houses and then went home. Nobody did "sleepovers". My Mum had enough on her plate with 4 kids and a DH who did shifts!!
happybubblebrain - I wish your DD could have a free childhood like I did - and that I had allowed mine the same freedom. Mine did get some freedom but I fear I was too cautious.

OP posts:

GotArt · 25/02/2011 23:56

I remember it being a contest as to who was going to call on who in the morning cause then they got to decide what we were going to get up to first. We'd be all over the place getting into things, exploring. We had each other to watch over each other and it was an unwritten rule. I spent my summers at the cottage in northern Ontario and was gone from sun-up to sundown coming back when I was hungry and sometimes my parents wouldn't be around, just left a note to say they went to town or were at so and so's. I could've been eaten by a bear for crying out loud. We live in a urban area now, so not so sure how I feel about DD getting about by herself. She's only 2, but maybe I'll let her get on with it when we go camping when she's a bit older.

squeakytoy · 25/02/2011 23:56

I think we did live in smaller communities 30 years ago.. people didnt move house so much, so you tended to know the neighbours a lot better.

As kids we were never that far from home, if my mum had stood at the back door and yelled, I would have heard her..

Neighbours werent afraid to tell you off if you were being naughty, and you did have respect for them too.

We knew not to go anywhere on our own, and not to talk to strangers.

The worst that ever happened to any of us was the odd broken arm from falling out of trees, or off our bikes.. and the worst punishment in the world was being made to stay in, especially in summer when you could hear all your mates playing out.

GotArt · 25/02/2011 23:58

Playdates struck me as funny but then I realized there was no one near me with kids DD's age and the mom's I met through a Baby Talk information group is how playdates came along... although we agree they are more to do with mom's sitting around having coffee in a space where we didn't have to monitor our kids, that they can go off and play. Or, the LO's, they just get propped up on the couch.

cat64 · 26/02/2011 00:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 26/02/2011 00:04

Freedom is subjective in many ways as well, its definition can even change over time.

squeakytoy · 26/02/2011 00:08

Perhaps it depended on the area you lived in. As I said, ours was a case of "everyone knows everyone else". There were no neighbours who we didnt know, and out of the thirty or so houses in our "community" most had kids, or had grandchildren who hung around with us when they came to stay.

We were out playing from morning till dusk from the age of 6.. but we were never that far away, and would go home for drinks at regular intervals..

We also had a busy railway line that ran along the back of our road, and the embankment was our playground... we never once went over the fence and near the line. We had a canal just up the road, and didnt go anywhere near that either.

Original poster

Salmotrutta · 26/02/2011 00:08

AgentZigZag - I really do think that many kids have more sense than they are given credit for nowadays. If they are mature, sensible and can be reasoned with then, depending on the environment!!, give them some trust.
If they abuse it, withdraw privileges and start again from scratch.
Don't get me wrong, my DCs led me a merry dance and we had many a sleepless night. But they are now adults and whilst I still worry about our DS (still living with us because he can't afford to move out - and that's another thread!!) he is a bright young man and will find his own way.
Our DD was the archetypal Prima Donna but she is now a great young lady, married to lovely lad, one child and another arriving soon.
Sorry, I rambled on there!!! Have a on me!!
I've had a couple!!
Ooh I love a Friday night - I can have a glass (or two) of wine.

OP posts:

redpanda13 · 26/02/2011 02:09

I have moved back to the same village I lived in as a child. Still DD does not get the same freedom I had. The biggest reason is the increased traffic on the roads. I rode about on my Grifter/scooter/roller skates all day rarely encountering a car. Also the 2 'haunted houses' we played in have been renovated and are now luxury homes. Oh and my huge dog came with us to protect us. Instead of a protector he would now be viewed as a threat.
Also we did take the more minor sex crimes in our stride(Though I think that openess about sex abuse/crimes should be encouraged) I remember getting flashed as a child (my mother reported it quite rightly!!) but I was not left traumatised. I was quite a sensitive child too. Just read in my local paper today about a group of 15/16 year olds left traumatised about a flashing. Now I think it is serious, the person should be tracked down and charged but traumatised? We were 6/7 years younger and we went into school the next day and told everyone the gory details.
Sad thing is my DD only got out to play in the street this year. Only directly outside our house. I turned off tv/radio/pc and sat under window so I could hear every word being said. I gave the 'illusion' of freedom. I don't even practice what I preach

Stangirl · 26/02/2011 04:06

I wasn't allowed a bike or to play in the street. Never minded. I used to write plays in my room, play with my toys and make up dance routines. I hate the countryside - I used to be forced to go outside and still associate it with doing something I hate. So if my DCs have a closetted upbringing it will be no different to mine. Seeing as about a third of my school friends were sexually assaulted before they were 16 in parks/walking home from school - I don't really think of "freedom" as being very good for you.

Weirdly, my Mum let me go out and get drunk every Saturday night from about 14/15. She always picked me up by car and I was always safe.

bruffin · 26/02/2011 07:13

I live in a cul de sac and most of the children including my own played out from about 3 or 4 so it still happens.

bronze · 26/02/2011 07:41

We moved to a house in the middle of nowhere at the end of last year. It has a big garden and a paddock so plenty of our own space that can stick to. Yet I'm still having to make them stay out and tell them what to play though it is getting better. After my own childhood of freedom with boundaries I find it hard to understand how they don't want to grab the chance with both hands. they are getting better but I'm sure they're programmed by society (tv, friends etc) to not have the adveturous natures we had.

It was nice reading a friends fb status yesterday thaat said something about how when she went to fetch her bots from the field she discovered there wasa stream at the bottom and no wonder their boots were always clean (shes lived there a while without knowing)

Bucharest · 26/02/2011 07:50

Children nowadays have different "freedoms" IMO. Certainly, as others have said, more materialistic freedoms,and also, let's face it (and you only need to look at some threads on MN) more freedom to behave abhorrently and get away with it because of the PFB-attitude ("My child is an angel, it's always someone else's fault!")prevalent with a lot of parents.

I doubt there are more, or fewer paedophiles and child molesters around now than in the past,and 99% of those who are around the child meets within the family, so while it is (of course, and quite to be expected) one of our greatest fears when we let our kids go off on their bikes, it really doesn't need to be.

There is a greater risk from traffic of course.

We used to go on Secret Seven stylee adventures over the "weeds" which were swampy ponds at the back of the main road.....we could have drowned and never been found for days, but off we used to trot with our sandwiches and pop. (The "weeds" is now a new build housing estate )

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