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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that if dh and I agree why does anyone else care

35 replies

receiverofopiniongiver · 25/02/2011 21:56

3 years ago my dh and I put our house on the market, thinking we were going to change areas due to jobs. Our house quickly sold, and changes came about in jobs, and we ended up staying in the same area.

However, due to the current housing market and the poor mortgage deals out there, we have decided to rent. We can afford a much better house, than we can afford to buy, and are in a long term rental, with a 6 mth notice period for Landlord, but only a month for us, should we change our minds.

We also choose to send our children to private school, so rather than saving up a larger deposit to get a better mortgage, we like the house that we are renting, and spend the money on schooling.

This has been decided by lots of discussions between my dh and I, over what was best for our family unit.

However, everyone else (friends, family, even friends of my family) all think this is wrong, and keep asking us when we are going to buy, and why are we putting our children in private school, if we can't afford to buy a house equivalent to what we are renting.

AIBU to keep arguing and saying this is what we have chosen, what issue is it of yours, if you want to buy us the equivalent to what we are renting, thank you very much of course we will accept, if you want to pay for private schooling so we can save for the deposit thank you very much. But if not leave us to spend our money how we want to.

OP posts:
cumfy · 25/02/2011 22:01

It's your decision.

Maybe they are curious what happened to the cash you got from the sale of your previous property.

fangbanger · 25/02/2011 22:01

if it works for you then it is no ones business then your own.

IHateLivingHere · 25/02/2011 22:02

YANBU. This is the norm on the continent. The Germans don't understand the British mentality of "We MUST own a house, at all costs". They are quite happy to rent all their lives.....

MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2011 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2011 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecateQueenOfWitches · 25/02/2011 22:04

Well, why are you arguing about it? Or trying to explain or justify it in any way?

"Why do you care?"
"Why do you think it is your business?"
"When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you ask for it."
"I'm not asking your permission or approval for the decisions I make."
"This is really none of your business, don't attempt to raise it with me again."

Original poster
receiverofopiniongiver · 25/02/2011 22:05

Ooh I like that line 'the European Dream' Grin

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 25/02/2011 22:05

YANBU.

eden263 · 25/02/2011 22:05

Tell them to eff off and mind their own business!

Don't keep arguing with them, life's too short. Tell them the matter is no longer up for discussion and don't rise to it. It's entirely your own business what you choose to do with your own money!!

tyler80 · 25/02/2011 22:06

"The Germans don't understand the British mentality of "We MUST own a house, at all costs". "

Perhaps someone should explain the British private rental market to them, it might shed some light on the situation for them. I'd be quite happy to rent all my lives if I had the same protection as a tenant that most people on the continent have.

mmsmum · 25/02/2011 22:07

YANBU It's your business and no-one else's. Stop discussing it with other people, if they bring it up change the subject. You are doing your best for your children and know that you have made the right choices for your family so to hell with anyone else. Don't let them get to you!

tyler80 · 25/02/2011 22:07

*all my life. I am not a cat, I don't have nine lives

cumfy · 25/02/2011 22:07

I'm not sure you have to be defensive.How about:

We think it's a good decision. You think it's a poor one. There is just a difference of opinion.

lecce · 25/02/2011 22:09

I don't believe it's the European dream for families to have to pay for private schooling.

Of course YNBU to make your own decisions for your family.

Of course owning property is not seen as essential in mmay other countries.

But of course private schooling is frowned upon by many.

Others should not be commenting on your choices so, on balance, YANBU.

SeeJaneKick · 25/02/2011 22:10

We are the same as you OP....DDs in private and we are renting. We could buy yes...but you can't take it with you is a good way of thinking t us...we will buy in the next 5 years if we want to. Educationis more important than a bit of paper which says you own a house as long as you repay he money loaned to you to buy it.

Original poster
receiverofopiniongiver · 25/02/2011 22:11

Conversation tonight (this is typical every time I see people):

Friend1 (F1) "I've just had to spend £4,500 on boiler"
Sister "Boilers are expensive for everyone to replace - but you don't have to pay for one do you you'd just get LL to pay - when are you goin to buy a place?"
Me "When boilers are free!"
F1 "Isn't it about time you bought?"
Me "No we are happy where we are."
F1 "Well, 'friend of friend' was telling me last night that it was wrong that you were renting, and paying for school fees"
Me "That's very nice of them, glad they are concerned for me, but you can reassure them we are very happy"

Sister and F1 carried on talking about it, I went and made coffee.

But this is so typical.

OP posts:
SeeJaneKick · 25/02/2011 22:11

tyler...we're pretty well protected as tenants.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 25/02/2011 22:12

It's a UK thing, everybody's obsessed with buying their home. In France, renting is the thing, hardly anybody owns their home.

Do what's right for you, you're paying, you don't need to answer any questions or justify your decision to anybody.

Alaro · 25/02/2011 22:12

YANBU. Your kids, your choice, your lives. You are not "conforming", but so what? Tell them its "blue sky thinking" or some other nonsensical saying. Surely they will give up after a while?

Original poster
receiverofopiniongiver · 25/02/2011 22:15

3 years on still waiting for them to give up - I would of thought they would of now. Seems to be getting worse though, almost like they thought it was a fad, and as we don't appear to be changing our mind, they are not happy.

OP posts:
DiscoDaisy · 25/02/2011 22:17

Geniune question and not being facetious but if everyone rents on the continent then who owns the properties that are being rented?

harpsichordcarrier · 25/02/2011 22:18

I agree you need todevelop an expression of whenever anyone brings the subject up.
Home ownership is not some panacea of course.
The private schooling is a little different because some people have deeply held moral objections to it but again, serene indifference to their objections will prob see you through :-)

cumfy · 25/02/2011 22:19

I could understand your family possibly having a strong opinion if you stood to inherit property.

e.g All the other siblings had purchased property and felt that you by avoiding that opportunity (so to speak), might influence some rich relative who they might leave their property to.

But that's a pretty convoluted situation.

MrsKwazii · 25/02/2011 22:22

Must be v irritating OP, you're nucking the trend though so people want to try and make you conform to the way that they think things should be done.

I bet if you looked at buying though they'd suck air over their teeth and ask, "Are you sure this is the right time to buy?".

Could also be that they're worried about you deciding to move after all and would like you to stay in the area. Whatever the reason though, it's bloody rude of them to keep going on about it.

MrsKwazii · 25/02/2011 22:22

That would be bucking the trend of course Blush