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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that if dh and I agree why does anyone else care

35 replies

receiverofopiniongiver · 25/02/2011 21:56

3 years ago my dh and I put our house on the market, thinking we were going to change areas due to jobs. Our house quickly sold, and changes came about in jobs, and we ended up staying in the same area.

However, due to the current housing market and the poor mortgage deals out there, we have decided to rent. We can afford a much better house, than we can afford to buy, and are in a long term rental, with a 6 mth notice period for Landlord, but only a month for us, should we change our minds.

We also choose to send our children to private school, so rather than saving up a larger deposit to get a better mortgage, we like the house that we are renting, and spend the money on schooling.

This has been decided by lots of discussions between my dh and I, over what was best for our family unit.

However, everyone else (friends, family, even friends of my family) all think this is wrong, and keep asking us when we are going to buy, and why are we putting our children in private school, if we can't afford to buy a house equivalent to what we are renting.

AIBU to keep arguing and saying this is what we have chosen, what issue is it of yours, if you want to buy us the equivalent to what we are renting, thank you very much of course we will accept, if you want to pay for private schooling so we can save for the deposit thank you very much. But if not leave us to spend our money how we want to.

OP posts:

helenthemadex · 25/02/2011 22:22

how rude of them to keep questioning your decision, you know what is best for you and your family.

I would be tempted to be quite rude back when the subject if raised again , sigh heavily and say after three years this is really boring I am not going to discuss it any more

MadamDeathstare · 25/02/2011 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

receiverofopiniongiver · 25/02/2011 22:25

harpsichordcarrier private schooling doesn't seem to have caused anyone to have an opinion in RL with me, other than the link to not owning house - which I don't see that link

cumfy no rich relatives that i'm aware of - comfortable relatives, but not well off.

Even my own father doesn't own a house, but has an opinion that I don't either

OP posts:

Alaro · 25/02/2011 22:25

Good for you for not rising to the bait and totally losing it. I personally would have done my raving na-na by now. I admire you serenity in the face of such provocation. Whats the saying? Keep on, buggering on (or something similar)

lecce · 25/02/2011 22:53

Why do you privately eduacate your dc though?

harpsichordcarrier · 26/02/2011 10:02

harpsichordcarrier private schooling doesn't seem to have caused anyone to have an opinion in RL with me, other than the link to not owning house - which I don't see that link...

Well I would guess that many people in RL do have an opinion but they are not necessarily expressing it explicitly or may be disguising it (unconsciously or subconsciously) with disapproval about 'wasting' your money on that when you should be buying a house...

clangermum · 26/02/2011 10:17

YANBU Is it a jealousy thing? Is your house much bigger than theirs? So they're constantly having to point out that you don't own it IYSWIM?

Tiring to have to keep justifying it though. A pat answer - and a short one at that - might be a good idea.

Original poster

receiverofopiniongiver · 26/02/2011 21:27

Private education - many reasons why I have chosen to go down the independent route.

But in these circumstances - we were privately educated, so family can't see it as above my station or against 'family' norms, majority of my friends were privately educated, even the friends of friends who are commenting are privately educated.

Anyone who has questioned not argued just curious in RL why I am paying school fees, are not privately educated and just seem to genuinely want to know what I get for my money.

With regards to my house, compared to my family and friends its the top end of the bottom. i.e. there is a substantial gap in the cost and size of the houses above me, and the rest are equivalent size, just different market values due to area, but talking £50k difference.

The only thing it may be was that they felt better about themselves when the house we owned, was a lot less in value/size than anyone elses, and we paid school fees. But noone commented at all on the fact that we were paying school fees. It wasn't like, I was getting stop paying school fees and buy a better house.

OP posts:

PepsiPopcorn · 26/02/2011 21:36

YANBU. It's entirely up to you, whether or not others agree with you.

Catnao · 26/02/2011 21:46

Well. We rent our home. And we state educate our son by (pretty much) choice - in that we couldn't afford to, but my dad still teaches at a good independent, and we could pay "mates' rates". I am ideallogically(sp?) opposed to private education, (despite being privately educated) and so is my partner.
So I guess I think, yanbu, and people should mind their own business.
Although state ed is not that bad, believe me. I teach in it (by choice), My partner (with his first class degree) was educated in it, and we believe that our son has been well served by it.... But that's a different issue to your OP!

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