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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be fed with mil wanting ds2 aged 3.3 to have big boy everything

42 replies

Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:26

Went round to pil today for tea sil and neice were also coming round. I commented I'd forgotten ds2s booster seat and mil said to ds2 oh you dont want that do you you're a big boy now. Later table was set complete with best china cutlery etc. I said wheres ds2s plates. He has a lovely set that he has always usedwhen visiting pil but mil said no everyone is being treated exactly the same as everybody else he's 3 and a half yrs old he's a big boy now! She repeated this and when I said we dont at home she said well its just aswell he goes to grandmas to be treated like a big boy. He even had normal cutlery. He then struggled with a big spoon that was meant for desert but he used for his dinner. Fil said isnt that a big big for him. Mil said no he's fine and I said yes it is can you get one of his mil told fil no get a tea spoon which he did. Why??

Later ds2 asked for milk. Mil gave it to him in a china cup. Ds2 asked for the bob the buildercup with straw mil said no have that one you're a big boy etc! He refused to drink it.

When we left the table ds2 asked for milk again. Mil said you've not drunk you last milk yet and ds2 asked for bob the builder cup again I could see a tantrum beckoning and I said come on mil he has childrens cups wtih straws at home and with a sigh she finally relented. So aibu to be perplexed and bbemused as why mil wants to treat ds2 as such a "big boy" when he is only 3.3 years old?

OP posts:
ceebeegeebies · 25/02/2011 21:30

No idea why your MIL is like this but Sad for your DS2 not being able to have his milk in his own cup.

My 2 have their own special cups/plates at my mums and they would be gutted if they couldn't have them (and DS1 is nearly 5 Wink)

I have noticed that some people just cannot wait to push children to grow up fast (potty training early, weaning early etc) - maybe this is just the same?

Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:32

He loves that cup and the plastic plates bowls and childrens cutlery he has always had there but they the dinner set is melamine not china so aparently not big boy enough :(

OP posts:
plupedantic · 25/02/2011 21:33

It's worth trying the "big boy" things occasionally, just to see if in fact they are ready, but definitely be ready to stop when they get distressed, as your DS evidently was.

diplomatdog · 25/02/2011 21:33

Weeeelllll....I hate the pushing milestones thing too.

But, my 2 and a half year old hasn't sat in a booster seat for yonks and although when we're at home I give her plastic bowls and kiddy cutlery when we're out she just gets on with whatever is there.

And I don't think she's particularly advanced? But certainly doesn't need any kind of special seat, cutlery or drinkware. Soooo, I guess I can't relate to your post really.

Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:37

It things he has always had when visiting there especially the cup. Booster not really an issue for me tbh and he was soo good at the table its just thats when the big boy stuff started and I cant stand it whem anybody talks through my dc iyswim!

OP posts:
zukiecat · 25/02/2011 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:41

mil was like this with his bottle (had it til 2 and a half) Was constantly telling us through ds2 from when he was about 1 that he was far too old for a bottle!

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ceebeegeebies · 25/02/2011 21:42

Tbh, my 2.3 year old has just come out of his booster seat (at his request) and does just get on with whatever food is served in elsewhere but at home, he (and DS1) have their own plates/cups etc - they are just more interesting I think cos they have Ben 10/Igglepiggle on Wink).

Ds1 does occasionally ask for a plate like mine and DH's and we give him one...but I am definitely a lazy laidback parent who doesn't push anything unless they ask. If it was up to me DS2 would still be in his booster seat - it used to stop him getting down from the table just cos his older brother (who eats nothing) does Hmm

diplomatdog · 25/02/2011 21:43

Two and a half is far too old for a bottle though!

Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:45

Yes booster seat abit of a red herring really as he was so good without it but its when the big boy talk started and also saying over and over he is three and a half years old! He isnt he's 3.3!

OP posts:
Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:48

Yes I agree it was and I tried getting him off it for a few months before and stopped at two and a half but I just felt it was none of her business tbh. Also as she had been going on since he was one I just ignored her

OP posts:
Hancock444 · 25/02/2011 21:49

there is a time though you have to let them grow up - 3 years old in my eyes is getting to oold for 'special dinner sets and cups'. He needs to start learning to use proper cutlery seen as he will be starting school in 12 months time.

you can only keep them as babies for so long

diplomatdog · 25/02/2011 21:51

Well.

My opinion (since you asked) is that:

  1. I agree, it's none of her business; yet

  2. Booster seats as 3.3 and bottles at two and a half are going to be seen by some people as a little unnecessary. All power to you if you deem it necessary to carry these things on, but sadly, nosey folk will comment!

ceebeegeebies · 25/02/2011 21:51

Tbh, my mum has a habit of nagging about how my 2 should be out of nappies at X years, not wearing nappies at night at X years, not having bottles past 1 etc (which I just ignore) but she does seem to realise that they like having their own things at my parent's house and positively encourages them to use them (either that or she really doesn't want her crockery broken Wink)

Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:51

Is about 18 but months he's due to start school but thats a while yet why shouldnt my little boy have a special cup when visiting his grandmas he loves it what harm does it do?

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Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:53

OOps should read in about 18 months he's due to start school!!!!

OP posts:
diplomatdog · 25/02/2011 21:53

Can you take a cup with you, if it's likely to cause upset?

mmsmum · 25/02/2011 21:54

aww that's a shame he didn't get his cup the first time Sad

Obviously MIL thinks she's good but it's a long time since she brought up any babies! If you don't go very often I'd ignore it, but if it;s a regular dinner then I don't know what to suggest as it seems everyone, even FIL, does what she says!

Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:55

Dont have a bob the builder cup to be honest it was always his special cup for grandma. Its got a straw going down the outside an "open" not a cup with alid nothing babyish about it at all at home it everything thomas on ds2s insistence lol!

OP posts:
TheSkiingGardener · 25/02/2011 21:55

Is the real issue here the passive aggessive talking through your son. It sounds like she wanted to give you the message you weren't soon hinge right, but chose a way that was upsetting for you and your son.

Personally, I would challenge her directly, and say " you seem to think he should be using X, as his parents we have decided to pet him make the choice when he is ready". But then, I can be a bit scary. Grin

I would be annoyed in your position too.

DerangedSibyl · 25/02/2011 21:56

She's being a twat.

Itrymybest · 25/02/2011 21:56

Thats right mmsmum they do especially fil!

OP posts:
TheSkiingGardener · 25/02/2011 21:57

Sorry, wine and iPhone mean I can't type.

diplomatdog · 25/02/2011 21:58

Not directly related to this thread just a bit of a mind meander....OP, your DS must have been born either late Autumn or Winter? Which will make him old for his school year?

My DD was born in Mid August and will start school at the same time as your DS but is many months younger. I just wondered, if there is some unconscious kind of thing where you feel you have plenty of time to move on from things if they are old for their year? Whereas maybe I feel as though my DD doesn't have a lot of time to hang around with baby stuff because she'll be going to school with children who are 11 months older than her?

I think thatmade no sense, sorry!

Beamur · 25/02/2011 22:01

My DD has her own plates/cutlery etc and she is four (today as it happens) - it hadn't occurred to me that anyone would consider this babyish, they are just the right size for her (still) plus we have tiled floors and if something gets knocked off, melamine is less likely to break.
I'd be fed up with anyone feeding my child the 'big girl' line too. My Mum has appropriately sized/materials cups and plates for her too at her house.
It sounds like your DS wasn't too keen on Grannys tactics either.