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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want 18 y/o DS to work in family business?

34 replies

annunciata · 25/02/2011 17:05

DH's family own a restaurant- started by great grandfather, currently ran by DH and siblings although PIL is still in every day more or less to check up, bless him.

Anyway, all the grandchildren have worked there past time during their summers- PIL loves to show them all off and tell everyone its just temporary because they're at uni.

DS refuses to. He doesn't want to clean and says being a waitor would be "too hard." TBH I am getting the impression he thinks it's beneath him, although he's always done his fair share of the chores. He hasn't had a job since Christmas (he got paid off) and has had no luck getting one.

PIL is heartbroken. He's nearly 90, and I know its controlling but I just don't see why DS can't do it for the summer and make the old man happy :(

AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
annunciata · 25/02/2011 17:06

Excuse me, I have my FILs and PILs mixed up.

OP posts:
BoysAreLikeDogs · 25/02/2011 17:07

how does DS manage for money?

are you subbing him at the moment?

Megatron · 25/02/2011 17:08

No perhaps he shouldn't have to do it if he doesn't want to but he still should anyway! He's not working and it would make his grandad happy. It's not like he'll be doing it forever so I'm afraid he's being a little selfish.

Original poster
annunciata · 25/02/2011 17:08

He's still on his wages and payoff, although I don't think there's much left.

OP posts:
knitpicker · 25/02/2011 17:09

I think your DS is being selfish and lazy - by the sounds of it. It wouldn't kill him to humour his grandad.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 25/02/2011 17:10

I think YABabitU - but he needs to find a job somewhere else if he is relying on you to fund him / his studies.

His grandfather's heartbreak is his own problem - not yours or your DS's.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 25/02/2011 17:10

when his money runs out don't sub him

Katey1010 · 25/02/2011 17:10

I would get one of the younger relatives to explain about tips to him. If he can be charming, he's quids in. He is right, I worked in catering summer/weekend jobs and it was hard.

Eglu · 25/02/2011 17:11

If he doesn't want to work there he shouldn't be forced to. But he should get himself a job straight away.

He does sound somewhat spoilt though. What was his previous job?

Plumm · 25/02/2011 17:13

He doesn't have to work there if he doesn't want to, but don't give him money when he runs out.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 25/02/2011 17:14

YANBU to want him to, but you can't make him and speaking from experience living with the pressure of other people's expectations just makes you want to do it even less. You've asked it him, he's said no then atm that should be the end of it. If he gets desperate maybe he'll change his mind. If you push him, or try and guilt him into it I bet he never will.

Original poster
annunciata · 25/02/2011 17:15

Oh, I won't be subbing him when it goes!

If he said he didn't want to work there because he doesn't want to be relying on family or something like that that would be fine. It's his attitude.

He used to work in John Lewis.

OP posts:
oneofthosedays · 25/02/2011 17:17

If he gets coerced into working there when he really doesn't want to he's not exactly going to try his hardest which may not go down well with customers, and may give the restaurant (even temporarily) a bad name?

Agree with the others that you can't force him but don't sub him when his money runs out, if he can't find other work he may get desperate and decide to work there after all!

supersewer · 25/02/2011 17:19

It is his choice where he works but in the current job market he's a bit daft to turn down a job that is being handed to him on a plate!!

Original poster
annunciata · 25/02/2011 17:25

I suppose you're (all) right. PIls (both of them, got it right this time lol) are coming in for dinner tonight so I'm leaving him to deal with it himself. He knows once someone else has got the job there won't be one created for him, so it's up to him.

Thank you ladies :)

OP posts:
Rhinestone · 25/02/2011 17:41

You sound rather controlling to be honest, as does your FIL. As long as he supports himself then it's really no-one's business where he works.

And this sounds far more about FIL's wish to show off.

Original poster
annunciata · 25/02/2011 18:04

I was afraid it would come out like that.

I just want him to have more respect for his grandfather and the hard work he's put into the restaurant. FIL really loves all the grandchildren being there and carrying on the legacy, so to speak.

OP posts:
huddspur · 25/02/2011 18:09

YABU if he doesn't want to work as a waiter then he shouldn't feel pressured to do so.

Rhinestone · 25/02/2011 18:09

Well just because he doesn't want to work there, doesn't mean he has no respect for his grandfather. Maybe he just finds the pressure and the attention rather cloying. I would.

And maybe your FIL should have some respect for his grandson's feelings. Maybe your DS doesn't want to be a 'trophy grandson', there to be shown off to all and sundry. Maybe he would quite like his own identity to be respected and if he doesn't want to be a waiter then fair enough.

Original poster
annunciata · 25/02/2011 18:14

He is quite happy to accept the car and the presents, and swan in and get a free dinner weekly though!

I do see your point about the pressure and attention.

Anyway, I have left it up to him. Dh and I have made our preferences clear.

OP posts:
Rhinestone · 25/02/2011 18:17

What car and presents? I'm presuming FIL has bought cars for his GC? If there were strings attached to the presents then a) he should have made that clear, b) it's not really a present is it.

harpsichordcarrier · 25/02/2011 18:18

YANBU
I don't see why he can't do it for the summer either, tbh.
Being a waiter is 'too hard' HmmHmm
I would be disappointed in him too, a little.

laosvher · 25/02/2011 18:18

YABU, I don't see why him not wanting to work in the family business is him not being respectful of it or his grandfather.

Original poster
annunciata · 25/02/2011 18:22

Yes, FIL bought him a car for his birthday (presumably with the money made from the restaurant.) It wasn't a bribe but I think I am trying to say that DS will accept the lifestyle having the restaurant has allowed him to have but won't work in it Confused

I'm finding it hard to explain. Thank you for your points though.

OP posts:
Rhinestone · 25/02/2011 18:26

But that is totally illogical!! So anyone who ever received a present (albeit a v generous one) from a family member should automatically follow in that family member's footsteps career wise?! Confused

Seriously OP, I think you are in great danger of severely pissing off your son. And FIL - all due respect - sounds like the kind of parent who took his kids to stately homes.