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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to thump the next person who tells me DH's niece was walking at 10 months

38 replies

redstripeyelephant · 25/02/2011 07:55

DD2 is 8 months and not crawling yet. I know that's absolutely fine, I'm quite happy about it as it means she pretty much stays where I put her for the time being!

However, the comparisons are doing my head in - DH's niece who is now 8 was the PFB grandchild and according to the inlaws pretty much discovered the theory of relativity at 6 months Grin. Everytime we see/speak to them it's always 'so how is DD2? Is she crawling yet? Of course DN never crawled, but then she did walk at 10 months. In fact she was walking around holding onto my fingertips at 6 months. But then she was very advanced for her age... blah blah blah...'

When DD1 was potty training and had an accident, apparrently DN 'never had a wet pair of knickers - not once! She just took her nappy off one day and that was it.' Never mind the fact I distinctly remember her starting to wet the bed when her little sister was born.

Oh, and if I ever dare to mention that DN's little sister didn't quite meet the same advanced standards as DN it's 'yes, but she was premature.' She was born at 37 weeks and a perfectly healthy weight!

And don't get me started on still BF an 8 month old, apparrently that is weird and probably 'all that time feeding' is hindering her development Hmm

FFS!!

OP posts:
Fernie3 · 25/02/2011 08:00

Yanbu. All of mine have reached their milestones on the late side for example none of them walked before 17 months.
My 7 months old is no where near sitting and so the comments are starting again, for the fourth time. The jokes on them however as they are zooming ahead at school now!

savoycabbage · 25/02/2011 08:06

YANBU. My dd1 was late with everything, she didn't roll over till she was eight months. I actually used to get quite a chuckle out of telling other parents what she couldn't do. It's so outside of the norm of what people do at mother and toddler groups.

My dd2 walked at nine fecking months. Believe me it was no advantage. It just means you have to start baby proofing and buying shoes earlier.

GwendolineMaryLacey · 25/02/2011 08:13

I have a child that walked at 9 months and I'm telling you, it was a bloody nightmare! You are clued up enough to know that there is absolutey nothing amiss with your child's development and you can secretly smirk to yourself whenever they mention your niece because they would have been demented running round after that child. I used to look at other non moving babies of the same age and weep with envy! But YANBU of course :)

diddl · 25/02/2011 08:15

"Oh, and if I ever dare to mention that DN's little sister didn't quite meet the same advanced standards as DN"

But why would you do that?

It makes you as bad as them!

Perhaps suggest that since your daughter is such a disappointment to them they don´t bother to see her any more?

Gemsy83 · 25/02/2011 08:15

YABU- who cares its not a competition, neither of mine walked before one and I just couldnt care less if Tristan Ponsenby Smyth from baby group was an expert in rock climbing by that point!

LifeIsButtercream · 25/02/2011 08:18

YANBU!

My DD didn't walk till she was 19m - I had a friend whos DS walked at 9m, and this friend would constantly ask my "have you had her checked?" "this isn't normal" "I'd never tolerate my child not walking at this age" "DS is so advanced, functioning on such a high level...... is your DD even walking yet?" she even came out with "your DD isn't walking because you have PND and obviously don't give her enough attention and stimulation" Shock

Now DD is walking, talking and generally developing fantastically all she can say is "well my DS now knows colours, numbers, shapes, animals, and nursery say he uses the speech of a 5 year old!"

Personally I'm waiting for his first novel to be released iminently......

Every little one develops at their own speed and in their own time, enjoy each phase before it passes by and ignore people who try and compare your DC to theirs.

ValiumSingleton · 25/02/2011 08:18

Well, I had plenty of time to think of good replies because my son didn't walk 'til 20months! I used to say "that must have been terribly hard for you, babies have no SENSE, they'd walk into a fire to see what it was, poor you!"

something along those lines.

Original poster
redstripeyelephant · 25/02/2011 08:19

diddl, I don't mention it in a bad way, I might say something like 'it's quite normal for them not to crawl until 9 or 10 months though... wasn't DN2 10 months when she started crawling?' in an attempt to make them see that my DD is not actually backward/stupid!

OP posts:
NotSoPukeyMummy · 25/02/2011 08:19

YANBU.

I also get a bit of this from PILs about DD's (younger) cousin. Hmm

thumbwitch · 25/02/2011 08:20

redstripeyelephant - you need to perfect the "nod and smile, nod and smile" and ignore any comparisons that anyone makes.

If it's any consolation (which I doubt) DS didn't crawl until after he walked (sorry, at ~10m Grin) - he was cruising a lot before then but he never got the co-ordination together for crawling before he could walk. I took him to Gymbabes because I was mildly concerned he wouldn't crawl (at 9mo) - made no difference. Only after he walked would he go through the crawl tube.

Just remember ALL babies develop at different rates, and ALL babies do it differently - some do physical first, others do intellectual (talking etc.) first - they all catch up in the end. And even at school - children at 4/5 who seem streets ahead, by the time they're 8, are usually at a very similar level to the rest. Tell your interfering family this.

Sportsmum · 25/02/2011 08:23

I remember a friend taking her child to the doctor because it wasn't walking by 16 months - all the doctor did was laugh and say "lucky you"!

mrsravelstein · 25/02/2011 08:23

i sympathise, but probably when you look back on it in years to come, it might seem like they were just making conversation and trying to be interested rather than trying to compare (unless they're nasty, which i don't think came over in your OP).

i find myself saying inane things to family about their babies because in the end there isn't that much to say about them... the other day, shock horror, told a friend's son who i hadn't seen for ages, 'god you've really grown!', he looked at me pityingly, and i remembered how irritating it was when people said that to me as a kid.. but genuinely i was really thrown by how big he'd got in a few months...

ValiumSingleton · 25/02/2011 08:25

it's so true that they all develop at different rates. At one point my son had global developmental delays accross the board, and for speech, 16 months at one point! but now at five, following a recent re-assessment, he is coming out in the normal range for his age group again. It's like he developed on a go slow between 6 months and 36 months, and then from 3 to 4 years he speed developed.

potplant · 25/02/2011 08:26

I get this from my dad about my DN. she's the cleverest child that ever lived. She is his first grandchild and have two others, so once mine came along it was not such a big deal.

My DN is lovely so I would be glad if they are right about how fantastic she is. I don't waste energy on getting worked up about the comparisons or lack of boasting about mine. Just ignore.

mrsravelstein · 25/02/2011 08:26

as for the breast feeding, my mum asked me yesterday if i'd stopped feeding dd (13 months), i said, actually yes, about 3 days ago we finished. mum replies 'oh good!' whereas i feel slightly sad about the end of feeding my 3rd and last child... but the intent on her part wasn't malicious...

babynamechanger · 25/02/2011 08:27

YANBU.

I keep in regular touch with the people I did AN classes with who all had babies at the same time.

Friend A's DS walked at 11mo, my DS walked at 1yo, 2 of the others walked at around 14mo. Friend C was worried as her DS was not walking at 17mo (he did start walking a month later).

We kept reassuring her that all children walked at different times, and that it would make no difference to their physical development as to when they start walking, both my friend A and I said it was hard have early walkers as they needed more supervision and had more bumps! I said once they get to the age of 3 you would not be able to tell the difference between them.

We all got together for DS's 3rd birthday party and we watched all the boys running around like maniacs climbing over everything, jumping and having a great time (soft play) and we recalled the conversation we had with C. And I took great pleasure in saying "I told you so" especially as C's little boy (the late walker) seemed to be the most agile of all of them Smile

Oh and my DS is the last to be potty trained - we're starting today!!

holyShmoley · 25/02/2011 08:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotSoPukeyMummy · 25/02/2011 08:33

The BF thing seems to have skipped our mothers'/MILs' generation to some extent. My mum's also said some thoughtless things about it.

babynamechanger · 25/02/2011 08:38

I bf DS for 2.7 yo, I think people stopped asking me if I had stopped at around 18mo. It does get tiresome.

I just tell them it is none of their beeswax.

ivykaty44 · 25/02/2011 08:40

I would actually say soemthing, otherwise this will go on for years and years, reading, exams, sports instruments, swimming you name it.

I would say I am so glad that its not a competition with Sil and BIl,

just repeat each time MIL states some first fact

oh am so glad its not a competition with BIL and SIL... and smile sweetly

When you have said it a few times they will start to dwindle the stupid pfb rubbish

Otherwise it could end up driving a wedge of hostility between families silly people Hmm

coccyx · 25/02/2011 08:41

Try not to get drawn into it all.
Hard to believe the no wet knickers comment
Just because said child walks at 10 months is no guide to academic achievement

thumbwitch · 25/02/2011 08:45

re. bf'ing - again, nod and smile. I bf DS for 23m - my own mum had died while I was pg so I never had to endure any commentary from her (and believe me, there would have been!) and MIL was just so enraptured with having a grandchild that she wasn't about to alienate me by questioning it! DH expressed a preference for me stopping by the time DS was 2, but I said I would carry on until it reached a natural conclusion, which was at 23m. He accepted it (just) but every now and then he tries to throw his weight around suggest I do something differently, without any back up to his suggestion except "other people do it that way". Not a good enough reason IMO! Grin

KaraStarbuckThrace · 25/02/2011 08:46

I have a friend like this, who has a ds 4mo older than mine. It used to really piss me off and then I thought why am I allowing her to bug me like this?

So whenever she started boasting about how her DS can do X at Y mo, I just said "that's nice" and changed the subject.

I don't see her very much nowadays.

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 25/02/2011 08:57

Ah yes, I get this, although mostly from 'friends' I choose not to see very often Grin "What? She isn't walking yet? But she's 14 months!"
I say "Yes, thank god! imagine having to pay for all those shoes!

My lovely Nan however does drive me mad with her insistance that DD cannot walk because I haven't bought her shoes. She has offered to buy them herself, but doesn't understand that I don't want DD to have them until walking is established. It didn't help that my nephew (about the same age) is walking, having had several pairs of unnecessary cruisers...

bloomingnora · 25/02/2011 08:58

My mother in law used to say things like this about my DH - "He was so advanced, he walked a bit earlier than your DD". Until she got out the baby book and there, in her own writing was evidence very much to the contrary Grin

They're just making themselves look foolish. Smile, nod, ignore, ignore, ignore. Or say "what a nightmare for you, I'm so glad DD isn't walking, makes life much easier for me!"

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