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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to wind contact down with SIL to the bare minimum

37 replies

puppette · 24/02/2011 22:23

We tried for 5 years to have a baby. I had two cycles of IVF and we had a beautiful baby girl in January. My SIL came to visit when she our baby was 10 days old - she walked in, said "awww she's cute - guess what, I'm pregnant again and we only did it once".

I just cannot get over what she said. I cannot see what is to be gained by making this statement. I feel so much anger towards her and don't want to do anything beyond the basic duty shit to keep the family happy. AIBU

OP posts:

parakeet · 24/02/2011 22:24

She was insensitive and thoughtless.

Perhaps your anger will fade in time though.

corns12k · 24/02/2011 22:24

she sounds like a charmer
what did your dh say?

femalevictormeldrew · 24/02/2011 22:26

She sounds like someone who puts her foot in her mouth quite often. Do you think she was being nasty, or was it a genuine case of stupidity?

A million congratulations on the new little love in your life x

Original poster

puppette · 24/02/2011 22:27

DH said "she's a nause" but I think he just wants it to go away and for there to be no fallout....
Part of me agrees but a bigger part of me cannot get over it....

OP posts:

femalevictormeldrew · 24/02/2011 22:28

Would she usually come out with horrible stuff, or was this a one off?

MissyKLo · 24/02/2011 22:28

What a nasty bitchy thing for her to say. I can understand why you are upset. Is she quite a cow normally? Just concentrate on your lovely baby and keep your distance if that is what you feel is best

Original poster

puppette · 24/02/2011 22:28

thx for the congrats and comments ...he is the little love of my life!!
I think she was being competitive....if you compete over such things....

OP posts:

corns12k · 24/02/2011 22:30

that would grate on me as well
she is very weird if she needs to try to upstage a newborn.

Original poster

puppette · 24/02/2011 22:30

she is clunky sometimes with comments but I do think enough is enough....Parakeet - perhaps it will fade with time

OP posts:

RitaMorgan · 24/02/2011 22:30

Is this an isolated comment, or is there more to it? Your anger seems disproportionate to me.

femalevictormeldrew · 24/02/2011 22:32

Some people are very strange. I would forget her little comments - it said an awful lot more about you than it did about her. Smile when you see her and let her see how happy you are with your little family.

Why she felt the need to share how many times she had sex with you is beyond me. Too much information.

femalevictormeldrew · 24/02/2011 22:33

No NO I meant an awful lot more about HER than it did about you.

Shit

Original poster

puppette · 24/02/2011 22:34

RitaMorgan...it's not an isolated comment, more like the one that took the biscuit.
Going with what MissyKLo advises....just can't let it go at the mo

OP posts:

BringOnTheGoat · 24/02/2011 22:35

Think you are reading too much into it - probably says more about her (thoughtless and self-absorbed) than it does about anything else.

Enjoy your gorgeous baby and let it go. She was lucky to fall pg quickly, you weren't. Life isn;t always fair but that's the past - enjoy now.

bibbitybobbityhat · 24/02/2011 22:37

Be honest with yourself: did she say that deliberately to hurt you?

Or was she saying it in an over-excited OMG kind of way?

I can understand you being irritated with her for being so thoughtless but I really think it would be ott to avoid her just because she was insensitive.

Can you not be pleased for her with her happy news?

LessNarkyPuffin · 24/02/2011 22:39

I had, "I thought you were going to beat me to it. but I've got the first granchild."

It's not worth getting upset over, and her child will be close to yours agewise- it's mother might be a dingbat but it might be nice.

megapixels · 24/02/2011 22:42

Well she said that when you'd already had a baby. Quite hurtful but would have been worse if she'd done it while you were still struggling. I think you should enjoy your baby and not give her the satisfaction of seeing her comment get to you. Congratulations by the way :).

moondog · 24/02/2011 22:45

She sounds like a poisonous witch, but then again a poisonous witch who has a grudge for some reason. Let it go and enjoy your miracle. Life is really too too short....

WinkyWinkola · 24/02/2011 22:49

What a chump your sil is. You should pity her for not having basic courtesy. Rise above it, be polite and keep your distance.

Enjoy your beautiful baby.

KittaKatta · 24/02/2011 23:05

Silly cow!

But
But
you're little girl will be 9 + months older
So if you wanted to be a bitch, not that you would ever want that.
You can have years and years of
OMG isn't s/he sleeping thought the night yet? Mine did that ages ago
OMG hasn't s/he got a tooth yet? Mine did that ages ago
OMG isn't s/he.. . . whatever

But only if you wanted to be a cow

But really, chances are she's excited, and really didn't realise how hurtful her comment was?

As someone who has been ttc for years who wouldn't believe some of the comments I've had said to me, all heartbreaking to me but in reality no real malice was intended

KatyH · 24/02/2011 23:16

Perhaps there was no connection in her mind between your baby and her situation. It could have seemed like she was comparing and contrasting to you because you are probably still acutely aware of the tremendous effort you put in to getting your dd. This maybe hadn't occurred to her

What would have irked me more is her attempt to steal the limelight from a newborn by choosing that moment to announce her pregnancy! Sorry, that's probably not helping matters much...

roomonthebroom · 24/02/2011 23:19

Congratulations on your new baby.

Is your SIL perhaps envious of other aspects of your life? She has maybe done this to make herself feel better. I had unsuccessful ivf nearly 2 years ago and my BF got pregnant really quickly after deciding to try for a 3rd DC on a whim. Her husband said to me 'I must have super sperm eh roomonthebroom', knowing that my husband has had problems with his sperm. I KNOW he said it as a sort of smug oneupmanship. Funny, now that his 3rd DC is here and family life is intolerable for a whole number of reasons, I don't hear him bragging about it now. The temptation to bring this up when he said 'two children would have been enough' was enormous, but I'm bigger than that and hopefully you can rise above it too. Enjoy your baby and try not to let it bother you too much.

omaoma · 24/02/2011 23:23

It never ceases to amaze me how insensitive people can be. I find I can handle things a lot better if I silently label such people as 'a bit round the bend' and stop listening to what they say, just smile and nod while thinking 'o dear nutter seems to be talking again'. If they say anything that riles me I usually just say 'shall i put the kettle on?' and get up and leave the room. unsurprisingly they very rarely notice that I forget everything they say to me immediatley afterwards - too self absorbed.

woodleydoodle · 24/02/2011 23:30

She sounds insensitive and perhaps insecure. Enjoy your lovely baby. x

hoppershopper · 25/02/2011 00:04

Think about it like this, if she can recall the exact time she conceived, she can't be getting it that often!!!!!

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