To be stressed out that I can't keep up with the housework since I have had DC4!

[CannotKeepUp]

I just cannot understand where the day goes! The other 3 DCs are school age but insist on trashing the house when they get home. Most of my day is spent playing/dealing with DC4 (7 mos) while they are school. I also try to fit in going to the gym 3/4 times a week (creche) as my weight is out of control. Have food shopping to do/go to bank etc. Then after school it's taken up with dinner/baths/homework etc and then I am knackered. This half term week has been a nightmare and the house looks like crap.

I just cannot keep up with the cleaning/washing and it is driving me insane!

I do the basics - wash up (no dishwasher at moment), quick hoover, wipe toilet/bathroom round with anti-bac wipe and put washing on but fuck knows when I am supposed to iron it (as the 6ft pile hidden in my wardrobe will attest!). Mopping the floors has gone from every other day to once a week, same with proper clean of bathroom. Am just keeping up with changing the sheets weekly (4 x beds + 1 cot) and DCs all have clean clothes everyday so not too bad. My days of baking bread and making fresh juices for the DCs are gone though.

I have actually given up going to baby group (which I enjoy) just so I can get stuff done! How sad is that? I am just so stressed by it all and it feels overwhelming. I coped OK with 3 DCs and working fulltime so I can't understand why I am finding it so hard with 4 and being a SAHM. DH does help but works long hours and never does things properly anyway.

Tell me the housework does not matter please!! Don't want my DCs childhood memories to consist of living in a messy house! How dirty can a house be to be acceptable?

Let it go

Be kind to yourself - 4 Dc - wow

Sounds like you're doing enough to me!

Can you afford someone to iron for you?

Or do 2hrs cleaning a week? i.e the floors/bathroom/beds

Personally I'd rather my DCs' childhood memories were of a messy house than a stressed mum who didn't have any time to spend with me. I think you need to go easier on yourself and accept that the house is not going to be immaculate with 4 DCs.

You don't mention your DH/DP, does he help?

Don't want your DCs childhood memories to consist of living in a messy house - but presumably don't want them to be about stressed out mum racing around trying to keep the house tidy either... I know how you feel though - I feel like all I do is house and garden - rarely get to play with my boys anymore - and yet the house is still a wreck. God only knows what I'll be like when my DC3 gets here.

Does your DP pressure you to keep it clean or do you put the pressure on yourself?

You can't do everything - simple as that. If it comes to a choice, you kids are going to appreciate your time rather than a clean house!

Frankly, if you've got 4 dcs, your house could resemble a the inside of a wastepaper basket and I'd still be impressed. You've got FOUR dcs. Your youngest is only 7 months. You deserve a medal for just getting through the day.

Why would you want to mop the floors any more than once a week!! I have three school age children, one messy dh and a hairy, moulting elderly dog. White ... and we have black slate floors.

My house regularly looks like a tip - particularly this week - but frankly life's too short to spend all the time on my hands and knees cleaning. I loathe housework and do as little as I can get away with.

Decide what your priorities are - and as long as you get those sorted, ignore the rest.

when you work fulltime the kids are at childcare more so they trash the house less. It does make a big difference how much they're around and how many meals you have to clear up after.

the thing is, a 7mo needs a lot of looking after - you're past the (sometimes) easy newborn stage and not yet into the independent stage. It will be easier in a year or so. I hardly did any housework last year (I have 3 - a 5yo, a 4yo and a 17mo) but it is SO much easier now; on a typical day I can do a couple of extra jobs (eg cleaning out a cupboard, clean some windows) as well as the normal laundry and tidying but this time last year I was still not managing (what most people would consider) the basics.
and in this house we change sheets fortnightly and hardly have anything that needs ironing, dcs get mostly clean clothes but wear as much as possible again AND I have a cleaner for 2 hours who does the bathrooms and floors.
you can have ultra-low standards for a year, it just doesn't matter. It really seems a shame for you to miss baby group.

could you afford a cleaner? A good cleaner can do in a couple of hours what it would take you much longer to do because they can really focus on it whereas you would be constantly having to break off to deal with the baby or other dcs. Ours is the best £16 a week we spend.
Could you shop online? it's really quick once you've been doing it a while.

I haven't ironed in years (hama bead creations excepted) I just use a cycle with a lower spin and hang the stuff straight up onto hangers. Perhaps it's time to get your older dc more involved in putting washing away, clearing tables & hoovering?

I think when I still had little ones - cleaning the floor was done at nap time - I think you will find it easier when your youngest starts having one long nap at lunch time.

don't stop going to baby group. You need to talk to grown ups.

When you were at work, did your DH have to do bedtime/ bathing? he can do that bit, it's hard to get wrong.

babies make shitloads of washing. You don't have to iron. I just put mine away straight after it comes off the line/ tumble, fold it up and it's usually ok, and then iron something if I really need to before I wear it.

I have been doing the shred, 20 mins a day and baby is amused by it, but it you like gym, then keep going.

It sounds like your house is hygienic, so that's it, isn't it? I hoover a lot, it gives the illusion of clean in about 30 seconds.

beds don't get done every week. It's that that is filling your washing machine up.

And as my mil used to do ... just spray a bit of polish around and it'll smell clean - provided no-one looks too closely of course!

I also do the shopping online, as you can do it when kids in bed. Also have saved lots of money as hardly throwing any food away, planning meals better.

you sound like your putting far too much pressure on yourself. doing the floors and bathroom once a week is normal. keeping up every other day or so with a quick anti-bac wipe IS staying on top of things. your doing fine. do you bath the kids every night? if so, no need to change sheets weekly, how dirty can they be getting? enjoy your baby. with 4dc you must not get much time to spend with each of them. I would rather spend 15 minutes with each dc every day than an hour cleaning.

I really wish I could let it go. Probably stems from my mother having 8 DCs and I always remember the house being clean and washing ironed and put away the same day it was put in the washing basket! I cannot stand seeing things messy, I cannot relax.

Older DCs will only help if shouted at very loudly after lots of arguing. I can't believe I have DCs who will stuff crisp packets/orange peel down the side of the sofa/behind the TV rather than take it to the bloody bin . It is really not worth the raise in blood pressure!

How do you let go when you are a OCD clean freak? Some tips please!!

I would love to go back to work so I don't have to look at it all day but would still not be able to afford a cleaner with all the childcare to pay.

DH does not care what the house looks like, it's me that's the problem.

If you are genuinely OCD-like then you have to try and manage the feelings the mess brings up in you

How does being in 'mess' make you feel? Anxious? Irritable?

Definitely irritable! Possible judged as well if someone came round unexpectedly.

I rarely change sheets on a regular basis, generally when they have leaked a nappy or been sick Which means they are changed prob once every 3 weeks. I only iron whats essential I try to get two wears out of my clothes Dusting once a fortnight Bathroom once a fortnight. Though I do the loo and sink every few days. I do keep the kitchin tidy and I do put away toys and insist Dcs dont get a new toy or game out unless other toys are put away first.

Good storage hideS multiple sins and everyone comments on how clean and tidy my house is! Ha ha
Sounds like you can make a few changes and be happier for it.

BusyMissIzzy - that was a wierdly identical x-post!

i feel exactly the same but only have 2dc. Can't keep on top of it at all. I had a bit of a breakdown last week as although my house is usually untidy, last week it was dirty.

I eventually managed to get a few childfree hours, but this week its back to the same.

My main issue is i have a 10mo dd who ca't yet walk but climbs on EVERYTHING. So can't leave her for a minute and when she has her 45 min nap i feel i have to spend time with dd1.

I have 2 sofas in my living room but can only sit on one as the other is covered in, well, everything from clothes to toys to mail!

I just keep thinking 'it will get easier'. Fingers crossed anyway!

Just go easy on yourself and stick with your baby group!

Nobody keeps up with housework when they have very young children. No need to. You can't both give your DC the attention they need and keep on top of all the housework, something has to give and you know which it should be.

In any case it's better to do as little housework as possible. Far more interesting things out there to fill up life.

I can't keep up with housework with one kid (although I do work full time too)!

My MIL said to me about a month ago...

"I made my kids lives hell by being too house proud and spending too much of my time cleaning when I should have been spending time being a mum."

This was said in response to me having a meltdown because my house is always a tip etc etc.

God sometimes I love that woman

It sounds like your doing really well. The dc's have food,clean clothes and a mum who obviously loves them. That to me sounds like a perfect childhood. On MN a few weeks a go there was a thread about quote's people lived their lives too someone put don't sweat the small stuff and you know what there right. Give yourself a break your doing fantastic.

I think I've finally cracked the issue of ironing! I have 4 DCs, DH and I work fulltime in fairly stressful jobs - we all arrive home between 6 and 7. 7-8 is bathtime, storytime etc.. then between 8- 9.30 is jobs. I do 1/2 hour ironing every night so it doesn't build up. Then tackle the cleaning in chunks e.g.kitchen + 2 bathrooms one night, then the same the next plus one bedroom etc...
At 9.30 Dh and I have tea and settle down with a large glass of red and some crap tv, when we haven't brought work home to do.

Sometimes I think I'm going mad!and the guilt is sometimes off the scale - but the good times make up for everything. I wouldn't be without my fab DCs for the world.

Have a and good luck!

Could you bribe incentivise the older DCs to tidy their own rooms, put own toys away at bedtime? For pocket money maybe, or trip to the cinema? If at school they are old enough to help a bit.
Have you got a DH/DP type person who can help round the house ?
If you haven't got tumble dryer, get one, it saves on ironing! Also, wear things more than once if not dirty (but not the same thing 2 days running obviously)
I only change sheets once every 2 weeks unless weed/sicked on etc.
Bathroom, bedrooms, floors cleaned weekly, othr rooms fortnightly. You don't have to clean every room every week.
Did you enjoy baby group? If so, keep going, you need some time to meet people & get outof the house. The housework can wait!