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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really feel like packing my bags and walking out?

27 replies

aPixie · 24/02/2011 19:15

22 month old ds1 with ear infection and on antibiotics screaming in my face all day. He wants a nap, he doesn't want a nap, I get him up, he wants a drink, he throws it on the floor, he wants food, again on the floor, he wants a cuddle, then screams because I've put my arms around him.

Ds2 5months, constant crying all bloody day. Doesn't want boob, doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to be put down, doesn't want to sleep any longer than 10minutes at a time.

Dp working away 12 day's out of 14. He'll be home tomorrow with Dss (who really is lovely, just such hard work) they'll expect food as soon as they walk in because they've had a long drive. Dss will inevitably stick his nose up at whatever I've cooked. Dp will give in and spend money we haven't got ordering a pizza or something. I'll then be shunned to the bedroom so dp and Dss can play computer or watch whatever film he likes until 11pm. Then dp will get arsey with me because I don't want to start watching a film at that time when I'm up all night with the baby. Then when I ask dp if he'll get up with the boys in the morning he'll be too tired from his drive yesterday.

When he does get up, he'll do housework, change nappies, make lunch and dinner etc but all I wanted was an extra hour in bed. Is that really ungrateful?

No family around to help. Mum kindly offered and has paid ds1's nursery fee's for a month but I'd prefer it if she could just be able to come over and take the boys out for the day giving me a break but she can't because she moved away whilst I was pregnant.

I haven't had even one hour to myself since ds1 was born 22 months ago. Ds2 refuses bottles of any description.

I'm exhausted, I want to cry then I want to just pack my bags and leave.

OP posts:
Original poster
aPixie · 24/02/2011 19:16

God sorry that was really long and depressing.

Excuse me whilst I crack open the Wine to drown my sorrows.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 24/02/2011 19:18

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate

If you know your DH will not want to eat your food, then tell him to sort himself out

Go to bed now and rest

pommedeterre · 24/02/2011 19:18

Was just about to suggest alcohol.
Days like this seem to be a theme around here today which is good - means I'm not alone!

Punkatheart · 24/02/2011 19:20

Oh you poor soul. I can well remember ear infections, as my DS had one after the other...vomiting up the stairs, restless.....

Talk to your DP and explain how you are feeling.

Until then, I send hugs from one stranger (but fellow) mum to another. I hope that things get better...

Punkatheart · 24/02/2011 19:21

Ooops I have a DS suddenly! I meant to say DD! I don't think she would thank me for that!

ChaosTrulyReigns · 24/02/2011 19:22

There's a lot on your plate aPixie. Sad

Just a little thing - can you avoid one little problem by getting DH to bring pizza in when he comes home to save that little hiatus?

Smile
Maryz · 24/02/2011 19:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bogeyface · 24/02/2011 19:25

dont ask for a lie in, tell him you are having one.

"I have had a really bad week and I am having a lie in in the morning, I'll be down at X o'clock"

He lies in because you let him, so stop letting him!

Sn0wflake · 24/02/2011 19:26

That sounds rubbish. Insist that your DH gets up in the morning. You need to talk to your husband about you getting some time to yourself without the kids each week. It's very important.

lionlilac · 24/02/2011 19:29

Poor love - Been there and my heart goes to you. can you get any help from anyone?

pollyblue · 24/02/2011 19:48

Sorry, no real advice but a big unmumsnetty (((hug))) because I nearly walked out on my lot (dd4 and 2yr old twins) yesterday. Really at end of my tether. Today better, mainly because told (well, asked quite firmly) dh that i needed a walk, and went with one twin (who doesn't nap) for a hours slog round the lanes. Other 2 were napping, so dh was able to get on with work while I was out. Time to yourself is essential, the relentlessness (is that a word?!) of small children can sap your soul. You need a good chat with your dh and really explain how you feel, and help if you can arrange it - Homestart possibly?

Mumsnut · 24/02/2011 19:50

Could the baby have the ear infection too?

FabbyChic · 24/02/2011 19:53

Whilst I feel for you, this is what you get when you have children close together, hard work, and it will continue to be hard work for the next four years.

I never understand why people have children so close together, you made the rod, you have to carry it.

mitochondria · 24/02/2011 19:57

Fabby, that's really helpful advice. Hmm

It's too late for the OP to go back now and unconceive her baby.

I had mine close together, I had moments like this when they were small.

Now, it's great.

OP - hang in there.

Original poster
aPixie · 24/02/2011 19:57

You know mumsnut I never actually thought of that Blush Will try get him checked out tomorrow.

Thanks for all your messages. It's just been one of those days.

Dp has just text to say he's bringing my younger brother back with him tomorrow. This is great news as he and Dss get on like a house on fire and will have a "sleepover" in the lounge playing xbox, watching films so I can spend some time with Dp (and have a chat, obviously)

I've also told him that I'm having my hair done tomorrow. Ok so the hairdresser will come to the house so I can feed ds2 if needs be but for the most part I'll be shut in the kitchen being pampered a little and drinking a hot cup of tea.

OP posts:
Original poster
aPixie · 24/02/2011 19:59

Flabby, no you are right.

It took 3months and a lot of soul searching to decide that actually I couldn't terminate the baby. Now he's here I wouldn't change him for the world but is it really that bad to just want one hour to myself ffs.

OP posts:
zisforzebra · 24/02/2011 20:09

aPixie No advice but just wanted to say hang on in there! My boys have 20 months between them and it was hard work when they were little but it does get better. Because they are so close in age, they like all the same things now and amuse each other for hours. Enjoy being pampered tomorrow!± Wine

SueWhite · 24/02/2011 20:11

Ring your DP and ask him what he and DSS will want for tea NOW. Tell him that as you are exhausted you won't be cooking, so buy something from the local shop that they can cook.

SunshineisSorry · 24/02/2011 20:26

Bloodyhell Fabby, have a bit of empathy FGS Hmm

Tell them to eat on the way home, that the little ones are poorly and you are knackered.

JazzieJeff · 24/02/2011 20:35

aPixie Your post really touched me. I couldn't not write. I'm having a rubbish day too and I know it's really really shit isn't it?

I think my DH is similar. Brilliant with housework etc, but when it comes to me having a lie in? He probably wouldn't think of it himself. He doesn't mean it though! I think fellas are just like that.

Anyway, not much practical advice. But I hear ya! Where are you? Do you have anyone close by who can listen? A friend/family member? You sound like someone I know... SM, if it is you, text me. If not, sorry to have got the wrong person! Grin

Original poster
aPixie · 24/02/2011 20:43

Hi jazzie,

No not SM but I do happen to live on the other side of the bridge from you. Grin

This weekend I (or rather dp) am going to make a real effort on the bottle front with ds2.

Even that would make things so much easier! I already have a stash of EBM so it really is just the bottle situation.

Or should I just try a beaker instead now he's 5months?

OP posts:
JazzieJeff · 24/02/2011 20:51

Hmmm DS is 4.5 months, he doesn't 'get' a beaker if you know what I mean. I've just got him on a size 3 teat so the flow is nice and fast... might help entice him away from the breast as it's 'easier'???

Oooh another conehead eh? Well hello!

lurkeyishere · 24/02/2011 20:59

I remember those days well My eldest two have 16 months between them I felt like I was trapped honestly as someone said it gets easier My two are 5 and 6 now and entertain each other for hours
dont ask you OH for a lie in tell him your having one is there anyway you can show him how bogged down you feel by leaving him bogged down for a even a few hours?
it took for me to get a part time job in the evenings for mine to realise how lonely I felt on my own with kids for hours on end he soon changed his ways

foreverondiet · 24/02/2011 21:03
  1. Call your DH and get him and DSS to agree on what they want before they arrive. If they can't agree on something easy get him to pick up pizza on his way.
  1. Tell DH that you are using the opportunity to have an early night. Tell him you have had a hard week and that you'll be going to bed with the little ones at 7.30pm, and only getting up to feed the baby. And you will not be watching any films. Ask him not to disturb you when he goes to bed. (BTW I often do this on a friday night, its fab!)
  1. Hopefully that way you'll have had enough sleep to get up in the morning and you will not begruge him a lie in, and then you'll really appreciate that he does the housework.
rookiemater · 24/02/2011 21:14

OP I do feel for you, perhaps you could take your mums offer up on nursery fees, but maybe try to find a playgroup or child minder that would take ds for the occasional session. Its not your mums fault she lives far away and she is trying to help in the only way she can.

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