To really feel like packing my bags and walking out?

[aPixie]

22 month old ds1 with ear infection and on antibiotics screaming in my face all day. He wants a nap, he doesn't want a nap, I get him up, he wants a drink, he throws it on the floor, he wants food, again on the floor, he wants a cuddle, then screams because I've put my arms around him.

Ds2 5months, constant crying all bloody day. Doesn't want boob, doesn't want to be held, doesn't want to be put down, doesn't want to sleep any longer than 10minutes at a time.

Dp working away 12 day's out of 14. He'll be home tomorrow with Dss (who really is lovely, just such hard work) they'll expect food as soon as they walk in because they've had a long drive. Dss will inevitably stick his nose up at whatever I've cooked. Dp will give in and spend money we haven't got ordering a pizza or something. I'll then be shunned to the bedroom so dp and Dss can play computer or watch whatever film he likes until 11pm. Then dp will get arsey with me because I don't want to start watching a film at that time when I'm up all night with the baby. Then when I ask dp if he'll get up with the boys in the morning he'll be too tired from his drive yesterday.

When he does get up, he'll do housework, change nappies, make lunch and dinner etc but all I wanted was an extra hour in bed. Is that really ungrateful?

No family around to help. Mum kindly offered and has paid ds1's nursery fee's for a month but I'd prefer it if she could just be able to come over and take the boys out for the day giving me a break but she can't because she moved away whilst I was pregnant.

I haven't had even one hour to myself since ds1 was born 22 months ago. Ds2 refuses bottles of any description.

I'm exhausted, I want to cry then I want to just pack my bags and leave.

I have a 17.5month and a 19.5month gap between my Ds1, Dd2 and Dd3 and totally feel for you. It is damn hard work and not having time away when you breastfeed and they wont take a bottle makes it seem relentless especally if they are not good sleepers and you dont get the night to recover.

When I stopped bf dd3 it did seem easier suddenly, especially if your Dp is ok looking after ds while you go out for a grown up chat!

Not much help now though, and if you are anything like Dh and I it can easily turn into a contest over who's day has been the worst! What really helped me was to sit down and write a list of all the things that need to be done then split the jobs on the days DH is there. For me even having a morning where DH looks after the kids so I can wizz around the house tidying and putting washing away undesturbed makes such a difference to how frazzeled I feel in the week.

Maybe on the nights Dss are there you could plan in a tea you know you all like. Even if it is pizza fom the supermarket it is cheaper and quicker than a takeaway?

It will get easier as they get more independant and when they start playing together you will really see the pluses of having them close together.

And fabby, we all love them but kids are hard work full stop. I have friends with big age gaps who are just as stressed as me. Everyone has days when things get ontop of them.

Have you left yet? This is what I would do, I would wait until DP was at home and wasn't going anywhere. THen I would put on my shoes, get my bag, and shout cheerio as I left. I don't know where I would go but I think you should go to a hotel with a big bath in the room and have a soak and a sleep