To want to come off Citalopram

[Fatbadmother]

I have been on 20mg of Citalopram for around 2 years now. I have been on it before. I was very depressed after the birth of my first child now eight. I have since had two more children. the youngest is three. I still feel pretty low quite often, not suicidal or anything but pretty down. I no I am ready for a new phase in my life. I am a stay at home mum. My confidence is just gone and I don't know how to get it back. Big questions I know. How do I make a start. The other thing that really troubles me is I have negative thoughts about other people particulary other stay at home mums. I live in an area with a lot of very well of people who are always moaning about how hard things are for them and yet I live very hand to mouth on my partners wage which doesn't help my situation.

Will coming "off it" make all these realisations and negative feelings worse? Have you discussed this with your GP?

I haven't talked to my gp. I don't find him that easy to talk to about my feelings. I feel like I'm wasting his time. I know I should. I can talk to him about the children, or anything medically concerning myself but I don't feel comfortable in a gp's office baring my soul. It was bad enough seeing him in the first place. I sometimes wonder if the citalopram is making these feelings worse.

Can you see a different GP, knowing that if you ever need to go back it won't be "embarrassing" for you-if he/she isn't your regular doctor?

Failing that there are always nurse practitioners desperate to pretend they're doctors, you could see one of those?

Have you considered therapy?

If you decide to stop taking the citalopram then make sure you do it with the assistance of your GP and lower dosage gradually. Do not just stop.

Doesn't sound like you are at the right time to stop taking AD's though. You have three options imo. 1) Increase the dosage of the citalopram as it's not doing anything for you. 2) Change to another type of AD as it may be your body has become too used to the citalopram - my sister did this and worked well for her. 3) Get some counselling in addition to one of the two options above.

You really should have had proper regular reviews in the last couple of years.

Do you only have one GP in your surgery? It's funny really that you say this isn't 'medically concerning' you. Would you say the same thing if your body needed insulin? It's the same thing - the AD's are replacing a chemical that your body isn't making.

As earwicga says, it doesn't sound like the right time to me. Maybe you need a stronger dose or a different medication.

Therapy is probably the way forward. I need to take the bull by the horns and just ask my gp to refer me to someone. There has been a whole series of sad stories just like a lot of people that have led me to be this depressed. My feeling of wanting to come off citalopram is that I want to start again, feeling as I used to do. I don't think I am going to be able to do that unless I am able to put the past behind me. Citalopram is just making me feel flat emotionally. I want to feel fired up again. It is hard to know how to get that back. I have been out of the job market for some time also. I really want to go back to work, doing something different to what I used to do. I am terrified though. I have also just turned 40 so possibly having a bit of a mid life crisis!

Can I just thank everyone for their comments. This is the first time I have ever been on mumsnet and it has really helped me focus about what I need to do.

You're welcome :)

Btw, there is a 'Mental Health' section on Mumsnet here and there might be things you might find interesting.

It's a good sign that you want to do something about how things are OP (I'm not going to call you by your 'name' - it's too horrible!), shows a bit of spark. Though I agree that now isn't the time to come off AD's. You sound very low and although the citalopram may not be doing it for you, you do need to be taking something at the moment imo. As earwicga says, please don't stop ADs suddenly - you can have a very bad time if you do, which is the result of a sudden withdrawal, not 'you'. Maybe you could ask the GP's receptionist if s/he can recommend which GP would be best to talk to about how you're feeling?

btw, just a word of warning - AIBU can be quite horrible sometimes so I'd make sure you post somewhere safer in future. As earwicga has suggested, you'll probably find a lot on the mental health section that is a help.

Even with the right support, it may take a while to get your life back, so be prepared for that OP.

Fatbadmum - please change your name, im not sure how lardy your arse is (mine is pretty dammed lardy so i can say that) but i am pretty sure you aren't a bad mother.

Am wondering if you are me though :) I am in very similar situation and i get quite jealous of other mums who seem to have it so easy compared to me. Thing is, everyone has their cross to bear, we just don't show it. I often have to remind myself of that, not in a FFS woman get over yourself way, but just to remind myself that just because i have problems it doesn't mean im a failure.

I have come off citalopram this last year, went down relatively slowly - 20 - 10 -5 -5 every other day, still too fast and was at doctors last week, total meltdown, discussing other ADs, but not wanting to go back down that road because it does numb you. I might feel stressed and anxious just now, but at least im bloody feeling something!

I was discussing exercise with the doctor and saying i run like a mad thing at the moment, he said that will pretty much, if done regularly enough, have the same affect as the drugs in boosting the happy hormones as it were. Is there the opportunity for you to do maybe half an hours exercise a day - I don't exercise to lose weight (and im a BIG girl), i exercise because for that half hour im not thinking about Tax payments, debts, the fact i can't get a bloody job because ive been out of it too long, im thinking about how much it boody hurts but it helps, my anxiety does go - i can feel it seep away.

Your depression seems to be returning etc, i think you need counselling so you can recognise yoru triggers - go and see your doctor, ask to be referred, ask for it to be urgent (there will be a LONG) waiting list.

In the meantime, welcome to mumsnet - do PLEASE avoid AIBU because people come to this part of the board for a bit of a fracas and as someone who has been flammed more than once, i can tell you it is not the place to be if you are feeling vulnerable. There is however support on this site, try posting in Chat or the Mental Health section, where there are lots of lovely ladies who have been through what you are going through and understand

Best wishes xxx

Agree with SunshineisSorry about the name! But not 100% with the exercise. It can work for mild depression, but even then not always. I was doing minimum of two hours exercise a day the time before last when I realised I needed AD's. It all became part of the same thing. And I buggered up my hip, but that's another story.

This is the gentlest I've seen AIBU. How nice :)

i agree actually earwicga - i am alot better now and at my lowest i wasn't even capable of exercise and was completely at the very suggestion. I just really notice that my mood is so much better post running. I NOTICE it, does that make sense? If the OP is feeling strong enough to come of ADs then maybe that is the time to start some exericse? It certainly isn't the cure all though, as you rightly point out

My hip is struggling too am a bit worried about it that if i don't hold back, mine will be buggered - different thread i think.

Aweebitchubbygoodmum - i think that should be your new name :)

Fat bad mother has gone. The only other person I have ever been able to talk to about Citalopram is my brother. He was a long term heroin user and hated being on AD's. He has gone on at me about coming off them, muddling my head a bit. His heroin use was one of the reasons I got so depressed in the first place. He is off it now but anyone who has had a relative like this will know that it is always a worry that he will go back. Took me a long time to realise there was sod all I could do about it.

Regarding my arse, it's pretty lardy and when I run it feels like someone is running after me. Its got a mind of its own and is always pulling me on to the settee.

Nice name change suits you better :)

of the lovelynewboots

You sound like such a lovely person, with a fab sense of humour. Your comment about your arse dragging you back on the setee made me you don't have to run though, its not for everyone - but maybe make a pledge to go for a walk once a day, jsut to get outside? i am like a caged tiger if i dont get out

Your brothers problems are/were different to yours - and the citalopram would have affected him different ways to you. I understand why he feels uncomfortable with you taking prescription drugs, however there is probably an element of guilt there as he probably realises that he contributed to your problems.

I would just say, there is NO RUSH to come off the meds, but talk to your doctor about coming off slowly - i can only go by my situation, i found that i felt alot more "alive" when i went down to 10mg,but when i started alternating days it was horrible, i felt more anxious than ever so i would insist on being given liquid so you can reduce VERY SLOWLY. I think i actually came off too slowly and i did it over about four months.

Good luck, whatever you decide

Fat bad mother has gone

Phew, that's a relief . Now go to your GP And don't listen to your brother! There is a lot of support on here re addict relatives - terrible strain on your life in so many ways. Sounds like you could do with some counselling pronto - can you afford to go privately? It's worth it, BIG time, btw.

when I run it feels like someone is running after me. Its got a mind of its own and is always pulling me on to the settee. You made me laugh there lovelynew - tell me about it

I also came of ADs slowly, took me 18 months to get from the top dose, eventually taking it in liquid form, reducing very gradually, using a syringe.

Lots of commas there