To want to give them a piece of my mind ?

[AngelHMum]

(Sorry this might turn out to be long.)

My stepchildren that is.

I posted just before Christmas about the way my step-daughter ignores me, her step brothersand her half sisters and refers to us as "the new family". ome of you were kind enough to offer your opinions on how to deal with her.

However this situation is on a different level I feel.
My DH had a rather big birthday last Friday -one of those ending in a 0.
Neither of his children from his first marriage sent him a card on time. A card turned up on Monday from his daughter but no gift.
His son (and dil) have ignored him completely no card, no present, no phone call, not even a text or a facebook message -absolute zilch.

Now, I don't want to sound materialistic but surely they could have bought him something ? A gift voucher if they had no idea what he would like at the very least? It's not rocket science, or is it ?

My dh has put a very brave face on it all and said "I am sure they are very busy and will get around to it".
I know he is heartbroken about it and even though life isn't about getting back what you give, it's a milestone I believe should have been marked.

It's sd's birthday next week and she sent her dad a text some weeks ago asking for an Ipad (which he has bought and is currently sitting wrapped up in our wardrobe) - I now want to take it back to the shop and get a refund or if I can't get a refund donate it to charity.

I am furious with them for hurting their father yet again, I feel like ringing them both up and telling them how this has upset him (he cried at the weekend when we talked about it) and how they need to learn to give as well as take.

I know if I ring them or return the Ipad (or both) I will enhance my wicked stepmother reputation even further but right now I don't care.
AIBU ?

BTW - stepdaughter is 28 & stepson is 31, so we are not discussing small children here.

My parents split when I was 5 and my dad remarried a few years later. Mum never has and has spent the last 30 years being bitter and feeding all kinds of resentments. I have mostly risen above it and have a decent relationship with my dada and SM but my brother just will not let it go and is continually rude for no reason other than resentment that his parents marraige failed and dad moved on. My brother expects material things too - recently got engaged and asked dad to pay for all the booze for the party. Now, 2wks later they've broken up and my brother doesn't even see why he should tell me dad. Utterly bewildering.
I wish to God there could be a showdown - for better or worse - between them all just so we could all move on. I think someone should confront your SD just to get some clarity one way or another. if she abandons her dad then he's likely better off (though its easy for me to say I admit).

They aren't little sods though are they? They are adults, who have made the adult decision to habitualy trat their father like shit, whist expecting expensive gifts and other monetary 'help'.

I'm sorry but if your SD is only in it for the cash you'll see what happens if you turn the tap off.

If your Dh is happy to be used in this way by his entitled daughter, then fine, stay out of it. If it makes him miserable, then support him, sell the ipad and do something nice with your family. Invite them, if they want to come they can.

Take the i-pad round with your DH, a home baked cake and a lovely card. Rise above it, but tell her that now, being as she's a big girl, no more presents, just a card, and that you don't expect any birthday/christmas presents either. Everybody wins! ish.

I think as you came into their life as adults that they said though their actions that they don't want a relationship with you.

Now you DH thinks they should and SS has said no and left him out of his life.

SD is still using DH as cash cow and he is letting her.
His choice.

Now I think you DH needs to wake and work out what he wants.
To see his kids with out you or not see his kids at all.

You are all adults.Neither you or Stepkids need to have relationship. .So dont play happy family.

How does our DH feel about maintaining a relationship with his spoiled brats children?

I know my DH doted on his son. However when we married, 5 years after he and his first wife divorced, his son only ever called him when he wanted something. Never once, since his parents divorced, has he sent his father a birthday or Christmas card. I did not interfere in their relationship. It took DH 15 years and a lot of heartache to realise his son did not desire a relationship with him, other than regular hand outs. The final straw was when DH heard from a former neighbour that his son has got married without telling him.
Bastard!!